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Thread: Ultimate list of 'laws'

  1. #1
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    Ultimate list of 'laws'

    THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

    Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease (or stain/paint), your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

    Law of Gravity - Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

    Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

    Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

    Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

    Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

    Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

    Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

    Law of the Result -When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

    Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

    Law of the Theater - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

    The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

    Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

    Law of Physical Surfaces -The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

    Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

    Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

    Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

    Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

    Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
    -Ned

  2. #2
    Join Date
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    All great! - May I add:

    Combined IQ Law - the combined IQ of a mob is inversely proportionate to the number of people in the mob

    Horizontal surface law - Regarless of the amount of horizontal surfaces you have in your shop, your stuff will grow to fit whatever space is available. (Also works for other rooms in the house)
    Host of the 2017 Family Woodworking Gathering - Sunken Wood

    “We all die. The goal isn't to live forever; the goal is to create something that will.” - Chuck Palahniuk
    www.wrworkshop.com

  3. #3
    butbutbut...

    I thought the Law of Gravity was

    Any tool, when dropped, will land on your big toe with the ingrown toenail!

    That's the way it always seems to work for me!

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Chip Charnley View Post
    butbutbut...

    I thought the Law of Gravity was

    Any tool, when dropped, will land on your big toe with the ingrown toenail!

    That's the way it always seems to work for me!
    Not for me, I got machinists foot. Its actually a real thing. It seems if you are a machinist long enough, you develop this trait.That is, when something falls, if it is under 3 pounds, you flip your leg out and break its fall so that it's not damaged as bad.If its over a few pounds, your foot stays well out of the way and it lands on the floor. Undamaged but so is you foot.

    This is a real thing and machinists develop this phenomenon very fast.
    I have no intention of traveling from birth to the grave in a manicured and well preserved body; but rather I will skid in sideways, totally beat up, completely worn out, utterly exhausted and jump off my tractor and loudly yell, "Wow, this is what it took to feed a nation!"

  5. #5
    Join Date
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ned Bulken View Post
    Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
    Futility Corollary 1 - If you dial a wrong number and get a busy signal, you will keep dialing that number until someone answers.
    Law of the Theater - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
    Futility Corollary 2 - If you have aisle seats, the people with the center seats will always enter/leave from your end of the row.
    Where are we going? And what am I doing in this handbasket?

  6. #6
    Join Date
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lee DeRaud View Post
    Futility Corollary 2 - If you have aisle seats, the people with the center seats will always enter/leave from your end of the row.

    Several times during the show/performance.
    Chuck
    Tellico Plains, TN
    https://www.etsy.com/shop/TellicoTurnings
    My parents taught me to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder to find any.
    If you go looking for trouble, it will usually find you.

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