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Thread: Wow, major life change....

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
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    Portland, OR
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    140

    Wow, major life change....

    Having just read Steve Ash's great news regarding his upcoming newest grandchild expected (and the need for another beautiful crib) makes me want to share and ask for opinions, experiences.

    After 32 years of marriage, I found myself in a surprise divorce 3 years ago. We raised two wonderful daughters that are doing great and have 2 1/2 wonderful granddaughters.

    Over the last several months, I have been dating a wonderful woman just a very few years my jr that has never been married and no children. I have recently asked her to marry me and be my partner for life and she has accepted. Hopefully we will pull this off this year.

    The big news and questions comes from....we want to have a baby. We both love children and would like to raise another (or first) child. But, I'm 54 and can't help but to think....I'll be way retired (at least by age) and well into my 70's when he/she goes to college.

    We are both in reasonably good health other than that American disease, obesity...but we are both actively working hard on that one.

    She is 46 and certainly past that age upon which we consider to be the ideal time to bear child.

    So, question is, has anyone here experienced a late in life birth and how did it go, or how is it going?

    So much to do, so little time...we have to decide where we are going to live, either one or both of us are facing a relocation...she is doing a country wide search for a new job...I'm a self employed tax preparer so I can open shop anywhere. Shops to pack up, household stuff to consolidate...ceremony plans to figure out....

    Life is good, about to get so much better, but I'm nervous as heck!

    Doug

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
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    Doug,
    congrats on finding that new special lady, and on getting engaged. I can't exactly speak to the later in life parenting thing exactly, as I'm only two years into my first marriage, but I can speak from observing my aunt & uncle. They met later in life, and both were on their second marriage and they had my cousin when my aunt was 46. It is working out very well for them. My cousin recently graduated from the Rhode Island School of Design and is living in NYC pursuing his career in the art world. My Aunt & Uncle are retired and enjoying their time together.
    Take it for what it is worth, but the key issue that I can see is that you're together and are interested in starting a family. Kids don't know about parents' age... they just know you love them and are Mom & Dad, right?
    -Ned

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
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    Mountain Home, Arkansas
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    We had a late in life daughter. I'll be happy to discuss my experiences. But, since this is such a personal subject, I think, off forum would be best. Write me, I'll share whatever I can, roses and thorns.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
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    2,666
    Doug,

    Young James was born when I was 47. My wife, of course, is not a day over 29, and if any one says different, they can expect a flying frying pan!

    In fact, when James was born, she'd celebrated her 29th 14 times!

    These kinds of things *can* work out, but I do have three pieces of advice. One: make sure things are stable. Seriously. I mean, seriously!

    Second, get on the treadmill. Right now. At least an hour a day. Take it from me: there is *nothing* quite like chasing a four year old when you're in your fifties! They say getting a puppy keeps an old dog young. Wrong! It just makes the old dog feel older! You need to be in the best shape of your life.

    Three. Get ready to worry. There's a reason teens and 20 year olds reproduce. They have so much optimism, they can't see what a mess things are. Us oldsters know better. For instance, we know about things like actuarial tables. Like the song says: "The game of life is hard to play / I'm gonna lose it anyway." And, frankly, there's a one in three chance I'll fold 'em before James gets out of college. If the thought of that doesn't turn your hair gray, I don't know what will!

    Good luck! And congratulations! Life is good!

    Thanks,

    Bill
    Last edited by Bill Lantry; 09-22-2008 at 09:07 PM.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Delton, Michigan
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    17,475
    dont have to worry about that but from i see of myslef now,, i coudnt do it if had to.. my patience for the children of today that arent behaved is zero and if mine became one i would be in big trouble.. what we used to be able to do in younger years in the discpline department has been changed dramatically byt todays standards and laws.. i know of one family that had a girl at 50 and she was 48,, they had a hard road dealing with the child at the begining but got lots of help from the freinds and neighbors. after they got a handle on it they were fine but they were strong in the church and the church i am sure helped them threw the younger years of it the stress involved.. but the girl turned out well and the rest of the family as well.. but i agree with bill lantry those 3 things are utmost in importance. perhaps adpotion ot foster care would be a better possibilty??/
    If in Doubt, Build it Stout!
    One hand washes the other!
    Don't put off today till tomorrow!

  6. #6
    Join Date
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    Bill brought up the worry factor. I understand that well.
    I have written to Doug off forum but will add a thought here.
    I was 48 and wife 43 when our daughter was born. When she was ten our (then) 27 year old son died suddenly of natural causes. It was hard to let the girl out of our sight without worrying we would never see her alive again. It was an unnatural stress we still live with. Worry? Some folks don't know the meaning of the word.

  7. #7
    I never knew what the meaning of life was until I had a child. The meaning of life is to create life, and once you have done that, you will never look back and ask "why or if", you will just be glad you did.

    By the way it matters little if they are biological, adopted or foster kids. I was closer to my adopted sister Trisha then I ever was my biological sister or brother, but unfortunately she was killed in an auto accident on October 9th, 2004. I never regret having little Alyson, but I do wish my Grandfather and sister could have seen her.

    Myself, I can only hope I live long enough to see Alyson's children. Grandson, Granddaughter...I don't care about the gender. Just watching My Dad, Alyson and I walk across the pasture feeding our sheep was special. I would like to do the same.

    My Uncle once said, "When it's all said and done,and the coffin goes in the ground, it's the farmer that is the richest man of all." Now I don't think he was talking about the value of his livestock, his land, his buildings or his tractors. He was talking about a lifestyle, and much of that lifestyle can be attributed to working with family.

    Have children, through fun, adoption or foster care...you will never regret it.
    I have no intention of traveling from birth to the grave in a manicured and well preserved body; but rather I will skid in sideways, totally beat up, completely worn out, utterly exhausted and jump off my tractor and loudly yell, "Wow, this is what it took to feed a nation!"

  8. #8
    Join Date
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    Upside to being an older father. At various school events where parents were supposed to attend, I enjoyed looking at the shapely 25 year old mothers. I was often the only father in attendance. Fathers don't participate in their children's lives much anymore.
    BTW, I'm married and faithful but not blind.

  9. #9
    Oh yeah, one more thing. My parents have 9 kids. Three of us were biological and the other 6 were adopted. My oldest brother is 38 and my youngest sister is 8. At 61 years old, that means my dad will be 71 years old when she graduates. That's pretty old, but I don't think he really cares.

    Of course our view on life is slanted. We love kids. That is why they were foster/adoptive parents and why my wife and I are foster parents now.
    I have no intention of traveling from birth to the grave in a manicured and well preserved body; but rather I will skid in sideways, totally beat up, completely worn out, utterly exhausted and jump off my tractor and loudly yell, "Wow, this is what it took to feed a nation!"

  10. #10
    Join Date
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    Odessa, Tx
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    All I can tell you is that a Loooooooong time ago, (since I'm 70 today), I dated a girl for a while whose Dad was a Rancher, and he was 68 and his wife was 47 when they had their last child and it sure worked out fine for them. Get in GOOD shape though, because as I'm sure YOU already know, they will sure keep you young trying to keep up with them.

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