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Thread: My wife, bugs, critters, and heart attacks

  1. #1
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    My wife, bugs, critters, and heart attacks

    Im sorry to start another thread unrelated to wood stuff, but this is just too funny, well, at least at the time.

    Its around 10:30-Maybe closer to 11.at night, and me and the wife are settled in reading and watching tv last night

    She remembers she has a load in the washer downstairs, and says shell be right back, just wants to hang the wet stuff.

    No more than 30 seconds pass I hear my wife screaming like someone is either beating her senseless, or she walked downstairs and met Freddy(of nightmare on elm st fame) or Michael Myers in person.
    I was half asleep and in bed, I hear her screaming, actually shrieking, it was frightening, cause in 30 years Ive never heard her scream like that.
    I jumped out of bed, reached into my drawer(didnt take more than a split second) and grabbed my handgun and a magazine and ran down the stairs, shoving a magazine into the handle figuring this is how life is, and its my turn.
    I hear her screaming, still, and run towards the den ready to encounter my worst nightmare, and there is my wife standing at the entrance to the kitchen screaming, one of those jumping spiders(looks like a cricket), a giant one was sitting next to her washing machine.

    I wasnt sure who at that point I wanted to step on first.
    I was about to have a full blown heart attack, not to mention lost at least 5 years of my life, over a bug.

    its an unmatched experience to see my wife if a snake is within 3 miles.

  2. #2
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    but just so you really get the picture clear, the comedy of it all, she was standing in one spot, jumping up and down like a 4 y/o having a temper tantrum, flapping her arms like a bird yelling kill it, kill it, with tears rolling down her cheeks. she was actually terrified.

    (and if she reads this, Im a dead man)

  3. #3
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    What a great opportunity to play hero.!

    Allen kills the monster and is rewarded with a big kiss from the princess and gratitude for the rest of her life...

    I hope you took advantage of the situation and could negotiate some new tool acquisition at least!
    Best regards,
    Toni

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    web site:http://www.toniciuraneta.com
    I also dream of a shop with north light where my hands can be busy, my soul rest and my mind wander...

  4. #4
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    I laughed at her fear and she didnt talk to me until the morning.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by allen levine View Post
    I laughed at her fear and she didnt talk to me until the morning.
    Bad movement... You must be happy that she didn't poison your breakfast

    So no new tools for Christmas I guess...
    Best regards,
    Toni

    __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _________________
    web site:http://www.toniciuraneta.com
    I also dream of a shop with north light where my hands can be busy, my soul rest and my mind wander...

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by allen levine View Post
    I laughed at her fear and she didnt talk to me until the morning.
    Allen, Allen, Allen.

    Paragraph 32.7, subsection D of the Man's Handbook clearly says you never let them see you laughing at their fear. You've supposed to save the laughing for when you share the story with your buddies later.

    My wife has a similar reaction to grasshoppers and crickets. Something about those spindly legs gives her the creeps. Even she will admit it's an irrational fear, but it's real nonetheless. In our house, I handle the insects and she handles the reptiles. She has no qualms about picking up a biting alligator lizard and carefully taking it outside, but she runs from a small grasshopper.
    When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. - Hunter S. Thompson
    When the weird get going, they start their own forum. - Vaughn McMillan

    workingwoods.com

  7. #7
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    unreal vaughn, that she can handle a lizard and not a bug.
    a 6 inch llizard might as well be godzilla as far as my wife is concerned, cause she is moving immediately when she sees one.
    My son used to collect those little orange salamanders all over the rural areas that were like 3 inches, and keep them in his pocket when he was a 4 or 5 y/o. My wife used to yell at him from 30 feet to empty all his pockets before he entered the house, like a cop on a bullhorn warning someone to surrender and drop their weapons and come out with the hands up, shed yell out instructions.

    Its still funny as hec to watch her when a bee is flying around her.
    weve tried to videotape it on occasions, but she gets mad and stomps inside.

  8. #8
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    That was a funny story. I too am "afraid" of spiders and ugly bugs but not quite that afraid. Give me a nice old snake any day.

    I think that is some people there is an innate fear of the motion a spider or bug makes. Our older daughter would pick up anything (I was careful not to pass on my fear). The younger was still in her crib when a feather blew across the mattress; it resembled the motion of a spider. I thought she was going to leap over the rail in fear.
    Barbara

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vaughn McMillan View Post
    She has no qualms about picking up a biting alligator lizard and carefully taking it outside, but she runs from a small grasshopper.
    Around this house, Lizards are the cats job. We had a little fence post lizard get in this summer, and even though I usually try and catch them and release them outside, our cat Echo had other ideas and well, had himself a little snack...

    Quote Originally Posted by Barbara Gill View Post
    That was a funny story. I too am "afraid" of spiders and ugly bugs but not quite that afraid. Give me a nice old snake any day.
    I've got a pretty good case of snake-o-phobia. The scare the willies out of me. But I'm learning. I've got a 4 foot gopher snake that I see several times a year. I call him 'Goofy'. He always scares the stuffing out of me, but I'm willing to give him a little leeway.
    Click image for larger version. 

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    Bugs and stuff don't really bother me, but this might....

    Click image for larger version. 

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    Found him on the back sidewalk a month ago or so. I think a cold snap got him. I think he's some kind of tarantula, about as big as my hand...
    Programmer - An organism that turns coffee into software.
    If all your friends are exactly like you, What an un-interesting life it must be.
    "A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of" Ogden Nash


  10. #10
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    thanks for the chuckle allen now you had better get your self some osage oranges to put in strategic spots to rid your home of those spiders..
    If in Doubt, Build it Stout!
    One hand washes the other!
    Don't put off today till tomorrow!

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