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When family time goes wrong

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Dustin Cranford

Member
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36
Location
Oklahoma
Don't know if anyone else has this issue at times, but sometimes family time around my house is like a nightmare.

I have 3 kids. A girl that turned 18, 3 days ago, a 10 year old girl that will be 12 in a few days and a 3 1/2 year old son. I swear sometimes I think they hate each other. We can't even go eat together that the fight don't start.

The oldest thinks she's the boss and to be honest is just plain snotty and hateful. The middle one thinks she is the smartest kid in the world and no matter what you say she has something to say back. Then we little man. What can I say. He gets them both to squalling.

Man I just had to get that out. I ended walking out of the mall today because I was so tired of hearing it and to say the least, embarrassed. Boy all those numbers make me seem old, but I am only 34 and still kicking.
 
I was telling someone the other day that I'm glad we have three dogs instead of three kids. We love the dogs like family, but if push comes to shove, we can always drop a dog off at the pound. :p

Kevin...you too? Wow, I though only our family did that. :rofl: Dad was too cheap for chains, though. We had to get by with duct tape and baling wire. :D
 
Vaughn McMillan said:
I was telling someone the other day that I'm glad we have three dogs instead of three kids. We love the dogs like family, but if push comes to shove, we can always drop a dog off at the pound. :p

Kevin...you too? Wow, I though only our family did that. :rofl: Dad was too cheap for chains, though. We had to get by with duct tape and baling wire. :D
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Duct tape? Heck we were so poor our dad just used twine he found lying in the road by the coop. :eek:

Really they are good kids just can't get along. Heck the oldest one drives a brand new Honda Civic, but if you ask her she never gets anything. I do believe that is the problem. They are spoiled, don't have to do anything to help out and just plain selfish.

Now that I say that I think I created the monster myself :doh:
 
I alwas tell my brats that if they keep fitghting Iwill duct tape them together for a day. Usally that ends it a the go back to being noraml teens
 
yeah we had 2 girls and i we them in close1.1yrs apart.. and they tried being the rulers but i was fortunate to have big stick early on in life and they knew when the trigger had been pulled.. and i made them do things together as well to get over the bikkerun.. now they are close..the longer yu wait to gain control the harder it is..the last two are still changeable the 18 if they want to change can but its gonna be one tuff road to correct whats went wrong.
 
this is what keeps you young. When the kids all start gettin along and keeping secrets from dad and mom, and depend on each other for covering their tracks, well, youre going to wish they were young and screaming at each other.
then one day you just run out of energy and the kids just seem to not notice you anymore, its the hi daddy, kiss on the forehead, and off with their boyfriends and girlfriends.
Only time you get noticed is when their car breaks down, they needed money for anything else, or its your birthday.(or fathers day)

Then they will leave, and youre going to wait for screaming and fighting grandchildren, and will be happy to watch them scream and fight.
Take it all in, life goes by in a flash!
 
A teen age girl and a 12 year old girl who has been trying to be a teen ager for the past two years is a formula for uncontrolled insanity.
Raising girls is different than boys by a whole bunch.
Go into the shop, wear ear plugs, get in truck and drive someplace quiet. Anything. Whatever you have to do, leave them to the wife. She understands and really doesn't mind.
There is no solution. At those ages, even they don't understand themselves.
Good luck.
 
you could always do like a friend of mine's mom did, when she and her sister got into the last really big scrap. she dragged them both into the kitchen, handed them each a ridiculously big knife, and told them to finish the fight right now, or knock it off. it seemed to have worked.
 
Dustin you know the problem was taking the 18 yo with you to buy a saw. It of course was all your fault.
I have two spoiled grandchildren and I have no answers.

I will say when they called me yesterday from Egypt I was so pleased - I miss them so much and they will only be gone two weeks. My Xmas present to my family was a Med cruise - no way I'll ever get on a ship again; that troopship to Japan was all I ever want.

Ray Gerdes
 
Dustin Cranford said:
They are spoiled, don't have to do anything to help out and just plain selfish.

Now that I say that I think I created the monster myself :doh:
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Sooo, why do they not have to do anything to help out?! Glad we started ours young with jobs and chores. Even our 5 year old has things he knows are his job.

best wishes,
...art
 
Dustin Cranford said:
Don't know if anyone else has this issue at times, but sometimes family time around my house is like a nightmare.

I have 3 kids. A girl that turned 18, 3 days ago, a 10 year old girl that will be 12 in a few days and a 3 1/2 year old son. I swear sometimes I think they hate each other. We can't even go eat together that the fight don't start.

The oldest thinks she's the boss and to be honest is just plain snotty and hateful. The middle one thinks she is the smartest kid in the world and no matter what you say she has something to say back. Then we little man. What can I say. He gets them both to squalling.

Man I just had to get that out. I ended walking out of the mall today because I was so tired of hearing it and to say the least, embarrassed. Boy all those numbers make me seem old, but I am only 34 and still kicking.
Click to expand...

I feel for you my friend. I am the same age as you, and while I got a 16 year old and a 2½ year old, peace generally prevails here. Its actually nice to see the two get along so well...nearly melts your heart.

And that is the thing about family. When it works, it is a wonderful thing, but when it goes bad...whether it be a fight between Father and son, uncle and nephew, or sibling on sibling...it affects the ENTIRE family and its truly bad. I can't give you much advice except to tell you to really look at the wonderful moments and take a breath now and then.
 
We have well established rules, these rules have been in effect for as long as the kids can remember, they are always, and I mean ALWAYS applied equally, no favorites EVER. There is homework to be done, dishes to be washed, vacuuming to be finished up etc.

The girls know if they do not do these things, there are consequences, at 12 and 14 (both will soon have birthdays) they are too big for spankings, IMHO, and as they are both girls, I can't bop them on the head like I could a boy. Things like they will give up their cell phone for a day/week or their iPod, or their game boy etc. In the summer I will take away the remote for their aircon in their room, or their CD player/radio, etc, etc, the last one I've ever threatened is the door to their bedrooms, I doubt that would bother a boy, but the girls it really does seem to bother, the want that door, and the threat of me taking it away is big :dunno:

Life has consequences, so I think that teaching your kids early on that their choices will have consequences is worthwhile, it can be hard, and sometimes you have to be more stern than you want to be, but in the end, the kids will respect you for it. My job, as my kids Dad, is to be just that, their Dad, I'm not their friend, they have lots of friends, they don't need another one, but what they do need is a Dad, a strong father, a Dad that will help them, protect them, but also make them accept the consequences of their actions.

I've heard that grand kids are easier and a lot more fun, I hope so, but I also hope to wait at least another 15 years to find out :D

Cheers!
 
Stu, I agree completely. I think that's a big problem with kids today. Parents that want to be their kids friends and kids who have no consequences for their actions. I think that a lot of parents don't take responsibility for their kids actions either. I tell people all the time that I don't want to be my kids friend I want to be their father. I'll be their friend when their a productive member of society and I need a place to live when I'm old.:D
 
As recent events in my household showed me, you have to lay down the law and then Not cave in on it. We're in week 3 of my 1 month deadline with my eldest stepson. He's got a long way to go still in my book, and he's going to cry bloody murder when we 'take' his car from him next weekend if he doesn't line up a job between now and then AND then sign over his paycheck to the insurance company.
The middle stepson has come around quite well, but the eldest as I said still needs to show me a bit more attitude adjustment.

Whatever you wind up doing to lay down the law, be fair and stick to it, but don't do them the dis-service of letting them rule the house, they don't understand consequences at their ages, you have to teach them what they are, before they find out the really hard way that there are things that you can't get them out of if they run their mouth off to the wrong person.
 
The die has been cast. At 12 and 18 behaviors aren't going to change much. The 18 year old thinks she knows everything about life and adults are idiots. But, in reality, she understands that she is approaching adulthood herself and has apprehensions about what lies ahead. But she will never admit it.
The 12 year old, on the other hand, knows that she knows everything about life and adults are idiots. As she enters the truly terrible teens.....Uh-Oh....:eek:....how many chapters can I write here? :rolleyes: Good luck, it doesn't get easier.
Actually, I see a lot of normality in your situation. There may be some lack of discipline but we aren't you and weren't there during the formative years. Not for us to judge. Too late to backtrack.
 
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