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When family time goes wrong

I wish I knew how my parents got my "respect of authority". I was never hit, other than a "pop" to the bottom or a light knuckle to the head, but if I did something wrong, I felt guilt before they even knew it happened. My dad would just need to look at me differently and I knew it was time to straighten up. My mom just had to change her tone of voice and we knew...Maybe it was the nuns in grade school that put the fear of another "authority" in me? :dunno:

My daughter is will be 4 in July and I can tell she will be a handful for us for many years to come. (everyone she encounters tells us that too) I hope I can instill the same respect of authority in her. By the way, she will not complain about her first car...how could she, I'm driving it right now and she loves to ride it now.:wave:
 
Jeff Bower said:
.............My daughter is will be 4 in July and I can tell she will be a handful for us for many years to come. (everyone she encounters tells us that too)............
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Jeff, if I may offer a piece of advice, this is very close to becoming a "Self fulfilling prophecy" you should stop saying this outloud, or even thinking it ;) When other people say so, correct them and tell them what a wonderful daughter you have, and how "thoughtful and respectful she is all the time".

A short tale, one of my uncles, his youngest son, my cousin, well he rode the wheels off of dirt bikes (we all did I guess) but my uncle always said about this cousin.........

"Oh he will really be one wild driver, he will drive the wheels off of any car or truck he gets when he turns 16, big trouble here, I bet he crashed the darn thing before he is 17!!!"

...... Guess what, he did just that, and years later, my cousin and I talked about that, and he said "Well what did everyone expect, I was told from the time I was 12 that I was going to be heck on wheels and crash my car, so....... I just did what everyone expected of me..... :dunno: "

It is very important to create expectations of behavior, but just make sure the are POSITIVE expectations.

There you go, my two yen's worth :D :wave:
 
Jeff said, in part, "By the way, she will not complain about her first car...how could she, I'm driving it right now and she loves to ride it now."

Jeff, Jeff, I wish it were that simple and I could let you down easy.
At driving age, her point of view will be forged by what she thinks others think about what she is driving.
Write back in 13 years. I'll betcha my entire shop against yers that she does complain about the 'not cool' out of date 'old peoples car' she is 'forced' to be embarrassed with by 'having' to drive instead of a cool new whatever.
She is a girl, yer a dad. You are a very small part of the equation.
Good luck.
 
Stu, she is very thoughtful and respectful for a 4yr old...the "she's going to be a handful" comes mostly from people who knew my wife or me when we were young and see the similarities (that's scary!)...you make a good point though.

Frank, I said the car think kinda tounge in cheek as my wife doesn't like to drive my car either and has said that my daughter will have a "girl car"...whatever that is. :dunno: I have a younger sister and remember things work out different somehow for daughters....
 
in this kid raisin i agree that you need to correct those that say other wize from what your after.. frank is right to some extent on the car story but it also depends on who's picking up the bill. and those looks you saw in your parents were founded on something much stronger and at the time you knew it wasnt good to fool with them on it. this addage that you have to and cant do things to girls that you do to boys. in some case yes but the respect can be just as demanding. and i can see where it has helped mine in ther families already. you can be as unfriendly as you have to to get it across but in the same time you need to as supportive of the good things.. they are no differnt than training a good dog.. consistancy and rewards for good behavior.. and un ending love always good or bad.
 
My husband and I have a piece of advice we give to everyone we know who is either expecting or who has infants or toddlers: "Have you made your list yet?"

When they look at us funny, we explain: NOW, while the events are still relatively fresh in your mind, make a list of every dumb/stupid/illegal/maddening thing you ever did when you were between 13 and 18, fold it up and put it away. THEN, when your 16-year-old does something dumb/stupid/illegal/maddening, and before you start with the "Well I never...." take out your list and look at it. Chances are that you did do something just as dumb/stupid/illegal/maddening as your kid just did.

Kids are going to be kids, they are going to get away with as much as they feel they can get away with. BUT, if they are reared with love, they will know that if they do something dumb/stupid/illegal/maddening, they can be honest and straightforward with the parents and meet the consequences with dignity.

Unfortunately, between 13 and 18, hormones rage.

As Mark Twain (supposedly) once said, "When I was 18, I couldn't believe how stupid my dad was. Then when I was 21, I was surprised at how much he had learned in 3 years. Then when I was 24, I realized that he hadn't learned a thing; I had learned it all."
 
Nancy Laird said:
My husband and I have a piece of advice we give to everyone we know who is either expecting or who has infants or toddlers: "Have you made your list yet?"

When they look at us funny, we explain: NOW, while the events are still relatively fresh in your mind, make a list of every dumb/stupid/illegal/maddening thing you ever did when you were between 13 and 18, fold it up and put it away. THEN, when your 16-year-old does something dumb/stupid/illegal/maddening, and before you start with the "Well I never...." take out your list and look at it. Chances are that you did do something just as dumb/stupid/illegal/maddening as your kid just did.

Kids are going to be kids, they are going to get away with as much as they feel they can get away with. BUT, if they are reared with love, they will know that if they do something dumb/stupid/illegal/maddening, they can be honest and straightforward with the parents and meet the consequences with dignity.

Unfortunately, between 13 and 18, hormones rage.

As Mark Twain (supposedly) once said, "When I was 18, I couldn't believe how stupid my dad was. Then when I was 21, I was surprised at how much he had learned in 3 years. Then when I was 24, I realized that he hadn't learned a thing; I had learned it all."
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Nancy, reading your post somehow pops up an image of Homer Simpson having just such a list and having a whole episode about Bart's misadventures (ok, nothing new with this part). Each time Homer is fit to read Bart the old riot act Marge makes him read the list and it starts out, with, "Oh, you're right, I did do that." and goes into "Awh, I did that too!" and then finally something that Bart does that is really over the top and Homer quietly says not quite to himself, "Aha, finally something I can yell at him for!" but then Marge shakes her head and says, "Look at the back of the paper, Homer." And then the story ends with a bunch of "Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh!"'s.

Maybe you needed to be inside my brain for this one (a truly frieghtening idea for all of us). :rofl:

Other than that I don't have much to say as my wife is only now making serious child noises. Very, very frightening over here! :eek: :rofl:
 
Now Nancy, I think you used the wrong Twain quote. The way i remember it it went something like this." Raising teenagers is easy. stuff them in a barrel when they turn 13. Feed them through the bung hole and don't let them out 'till they're 20". :wave: He was quite the funny guy.

I will have 12 kids any day now. # 12 is just about to start the race. 7 boys and soon to be 5 girls. Teach them to respect each other and their parents when they are young and they seem to turn out just fine. It does seem just this side of a zoo some days but I find work for them if they kick up their heels too high.
My 15 yr. old boy was disrespectful of his mother the other day. He got a week of being a slave to whatever dad can find him to do. He spent part of the day raking up the dog leavings in the yard left over from this past winter. :thumb: Hey somebody had to do it and he earned the honor. He also has been getting lectures about respect and so forth. I think he will remember to control his mouth a little better next time.
 
Mark Kosmowski said:
Nancy, reading your post somehow pops up an image of Homer Simpson having just such a list and having a whole episode about Bart's misadventures (ok, nothing new with this part). Each time Homer is fit to read Bart the old riot act Marge makes him read the list and it starts out, with, "Oh, you're right, I did do that." and goes into "Awh, I did that too!" and then finally something that Bart does that is really over the top and Homer quietly says not quite to himself, "Aha, finally something I can yell at him for!" but then Marge shakes her head and says, "Look at the back of the paper, Homer." And then the story ends with a bunch of "Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh!"'s.
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Believe it or not, I have NEVER seen an episode of "The Simpsons." :eek: The only thing I know about that show is that they had a fictional baseball team called the Albuquerque Isotopes, and now our local farm team is called the Isotopes!! They call the park the "Lab.":huh::dunno:

Somehow I don't think I missed much--though others may disagree.
 
reminds me of when my brother, his wife, and son came up here from north carolina. he was brought up old school south, sir, ma'am, respecting your elders, the whole nine yards. he was 6 at the time, and my brother told him it will be uncle this, auntie that, and grandpa or sir. i joked around with him that it didn't make a difference when it was just us two. he could call me by my name, or nickname, just so long as he didn't call me late for dinner. one day he was playing, and ran up to my brother and i, calling me by name, and my brother said, what was that boy? he did the stop, reset, rewind, and called me uncle danny, and i said, what don't you call me? he got the big grin on his face, and said, late for dinner! i said, what was that boy?, and he got the stop, reset, rewind look again, and ventured, uncle late for dinner? :rofl::rofl: my brother and i started laughing, and he told him to go back to playing... :rofl::rofl::rofl:
 
Al killian said:
I alwas tell my brats that if they keep fitghting Iwill duct tape them together for a day. Usally that ends it a the go back to being noraml teens
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You know that might work:D I have a sister 2 1/2 years older and one 2 1/2 years younger than me... when we got to fighting, mother would make us hug and kiss each other... Grandma would sit my younger sister and me in the doorways of her hall.. facing each other and give use a pair of corncobs each to sit and hold until she let us go back to playing... we've sat for 2 to 3 hours at a stretch..:(. needless to say we didn't fight that much when we were at Grandma's.
By the time we were teens, we were scattered, so not much fighting as teens.
 
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