How to give a cat a pill

Don Baer

Moderator
Staff member
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.
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Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.

Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.


2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
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Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.


3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
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4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand.
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Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.


5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
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Call spouse in from the garden.



6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws.
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Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.



7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail.
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Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.



8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.
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Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw



9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one cola to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
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10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed.
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Get another pill. Open another cola. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
 
How to give a cat a pill part 2

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink cola. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink.
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Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.


12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from the top of the tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
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Take last pill from foil wrap.


13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
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14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
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15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

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How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.
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2. Toss it in the air.
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Last edited:
They for got the best way
Pick the appropriate caliber bullet, super glue pill to the tip of the bullet. Load bullet into appropriate gun. Now for the most important step. Let cat out and count to five aim and shoot.
:thumb::thumb::rofl::rofl::rofl:
 
They for got the best way
Pick the appropriate caliber bullet, super glue pill to the tip of the bullet. Load bullet into appropriate gun. Now for the most important step. Let cat out and count to five aim and shoot.

:doh::doh::doh: That's why they always die after I shoot them! :doh::doh::doh: I wasn't told to superglue the pill onto the end of the bullet!! :dunno::dunno::dunno::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rolleyes::rofl:
 
While all this is funny, just for those who have cats, the best real way is to crush the pill back to powder and mix it with something sticky i.e. butter, smear the paste on front paws of the cat, he'll lick it away to very last bit. Without any complaint.:)

Sometimes is better to use our brain superiority, than our size or armament one :rofl::rofl::rofl:
 
Toni, we have THE best cats in the world on our farm. They run away from you when you get close, they love to get a little food once a day, they mouse 24/7 and if they get sick, it is tough to get a shot on them.
 
Toni, we have THE best cats in the world on our farm. They run away from you when you get close, they love to get a little food once a day, they mouse 24/7 and if they get sick, it is tough to get a shot on them.

Sure they are Jonathan, but those cats have nothing in common ( I would say) with city pet cats, you know what I mean. They rarely get sick unless they've eaten a poisoned mouse, and they are not pets but "workers" they do what is expected from them. Hence it is understandable thay they will be difficult to be administered any medecin, first you must catch them.

People in cities regard and treat their cats and dogs in a very different way than people in farms or countryland.

My MIL has two cats, they are not allowed to enter the house, they are never petted, they just eat what is given to them and like yours hunt mice.
They never let you get closer than 3 feet, and no, they've never been beaten or mistreated. So most problably if they get sick (I've never seen them sick) they will just die unles they allow someone to get closer.
 
I know, just putting a different perspective on it Toni. People that have visited are flabbergasted that we have over 30 cats but can't pet one unless Tess is home. They also are agahst when they ask before starting their vehicle if I want to check for cats. I tell them, if there is a cat there, don't worry, if you hit a cat/run over a cat, don't worry, eliminates that gene from the gene pool!! Yep, true barn/farm cats are a completly different animal from pet cats!
 
Toni, we have THE best cats in the world on our farm. They run away from you when you get close, they love to get a little food once a day, they mouse 24/7 and if they get sick, it is tough to get a shot on them.

When I was about 10 my dad was a share cropper... and we moved into a farm house in west Texas that someone had built nest boxes across the back of the house for the cats... don't know how many there were, but Dad would allow one(1).... somehow he gathered all the cats there except the one the kids picked and hauled them all away... don't know where or how, but they were gone, except for one that kept coming home... he must have caught her and hauled her away half dozen times... he wasn't patient, so I'm surprised he didn't just shoot her...

There were also about half dozen that lived in the barn that would only come near enough that Dad could shoot milk into their mouths when he milked...
 
A guy here in the valley picked up a half dozen barn cats from the local shelter. He kept them in a pen for a while to make sure they knew were home was.

Once he let them out, they didn't last long. Lots of coyotes and a few mountain lions and some bobcats.

He has a bunch of other animals, he runs a 'farm animal sanctuary'. But all of those animals have big tall fences around them to keep the predators out...
 
My parents live in Hamlet, Indiana (about 30 miles South of South Bend ie Notre Dame) at the time I was teaching South of Muncie, Indiana in a little burg named Modoc. We took a pregnant cat home that was sitting on the hoods of cars (a large no no). That cat had her kittens, cared for them, then left them and was gone. Two or three months later she shows up at my parents only she stayed on the neighbors cars never came back over to my dad's house!! Bet those cats went home instead of coyotes getting them all.
 
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