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Thread: VERY Punny........

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Tokyo Japan
    Posts
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    VERY Punny........

    Sorry, I got to share this one, I was laughing so hard

    I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.
    Then it hit me.


    Police were called to a daycare where
    a three-year-old was resisting a rest.


    Did you hear about the guy
    whose whole left side was cut off?
    He's all right now.


    The roundest knight at King Arthur's
    round table was Sir Cumference.


    To write with a broken pencil is pointless.


    When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.


    The short fortune teller who escaped from prison
    was a small medium at large.


    A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.


    A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement.
    He became a hardened criminal.


    Thieves who steal corn from a garden
    could be charged with stalking.


    We'll never run out of math teachers
    because they always multiply.


    When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.


    The math professor went crazy with the blackboard.
    He did a number on it.


    The professor discovered that her theory
    of earthquakes was on shaky ground.


    The dead batteries were given out free of charge.


    If you take a laptop computer for a run
    you could jog your memory.


    The dentist and the manicurist fought tooth and nail.


    What's the definition of a will?
    (It's a dead giveaway)


    A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.


    Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.


    A backward poet writes inverse.


    In a democracy it's your vote that counts;
    in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.


    A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.


    If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.


    With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.


    Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft
    and I'll show you A -flat miner.


    When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.


    The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine
    was fully recovered.


    A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France,
    resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.


    You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.


    He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.


    A calendar's days are numbered.


    A lot of money is tainted:
    'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.


    A boiled egg is hard to beat.


    He had a photographic memory
    which was never developed.


    A plateau is a high form of flattery.


    Those who get too big for their britches
    will be exposed in the end.


    When you've seen one shopping center
    you've seen a mall.


    When she saw her first strands of gray hair,
    she thought she'd dye.


    Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.


    Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.


    Acupuncture: a jab well done.
    The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.
    William Arthur Ward

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    somewhere east of Queen Creek, AZ - South East of Phoenix
    Posts
    8,435
    Groan
    "There’s a lot of work being done today that doesn’t have any soul in it. The technique may be the utmost perfection, yet it is lifeless. It doesn’t have a soul. I hope my furniture has a soul to it." - Sam Maloof
    The Pessimist complains about the wind; The Optimist expects it to change;The Realist adjusts the sails.~ William Arthur Ward

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Constantine, MI
    Posts
    6,973
    Quote Originally Posted by Don Baer View Post
    Groan
    Ditto.
    “We all die. The goal isn't to live forever; the goal is to create something that will.” - Chuck Palahniuk

  4. #4
    Thanks Stu, my Dad loves these!

    Wes

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Arena, Wisconsin
    Posts
    231
    Excellent Stu!
    Thanks,
    Frank

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Placitas, NM in the foothills of the Sandia Mt
    Posts
    688
    Thanks Stu,
    I forwarded it to a friend with 3 boys just the right age for these

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Tokiwadai, Japan
    Posts
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    Shows ya that hillarious sayings, jokes are out there and can be told to one and all... Very funny, Stu. Thanks!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Zushi, Japan
    Posts
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    Arrrgh. But then again I was caught the other day using the skews me pun.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Lakeport NY and/or the nearest hotel
    Posts
    5,533
    AHem,

    *Groan* to your puns, (which is high praise for 'good' puns)

    and in riposte: (apologies to those who receive collateral punnage)


    Have you heard about the cowardly dragon that didn't observe the Sabbath? He only preyed on weak knights.

    The frustrated golfer drove over the river and threw the woods.

    I refuse to converse while eating lamb. I will not mince words with ewe.

    A good pun is its own reword.

    A programmer was talking about topology and taking a rather heavyhanded viewpoint. A colleague said, "Wait a minute, there are two sides to everything," to which he replied, "Moebius, maybe no."

    Puns are just some antics.

    We trussed each other - let our marriage knot be undone.

    Caution! Incorrigible punster (please don't incorrige).

    After Mary Poppins was done with her film she went to California and became an expert at predicting people with bad breath. Her sign read, "Super California Psychic - expert, halitosis".

    which reminds me of the following:

    Mahatma Ghandi was a very inspriing and spiritiual man of course, but as a result of his chosen lifestyle he developed bad breath from his diet, and his feet were toughened from rarey wearing shoes. At the end of his life he could be described as :

    a super fragile calloused mystic, cursed with halitosis.

    Two American astronomers were visiting a French observatory. One asks the other, "Comet Halley view?"

    As the master said to his confused disciple, "That was Zen, this is Tao."

    Burlesque-show ad: Here The Belles Peel.

    If you don't pay the exorcist, do you get repossessed?

    Requesting more ice water in a Mexican restaurant, a man said, "Agua frio, pour some more."
    Last edited by Ned Bulken; 02-07-2007 at 03:52 PM.
    -Ned

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Lakeport NY and/or the nearest hotel
    Posts
    5,533
    A backwards poet writes inverse.

    A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.\

    A baker's job is a piece of cake.

    A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

    A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

    A cannibal's favourite game is 'swallow the leader'.

    A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.

    A cat ate some cheese and waited for a mouse with baited breath

    -Ned

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