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Thread: puns for the educated mind

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Outside the beltway

    puns for the educated mind

    I don't get um lol
    Puns for Educated Minds.....

    1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
    He acquired his size from too much pi.

    2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

    3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

    4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

    5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

    6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

    7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

    8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

    9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

    10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

    11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

    13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

    14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

    15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

    16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

    17. A backward poet writes inverse.

    18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

    19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

    20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine .

    21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

    22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

    23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

    24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

    25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
    I dream a lot. I do more painting when I'm not painting. It's in the subconscious.
    ::: Andrew Wyeth :::

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Indianapolis area


    "Individual commitment to a group effort--that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work."
    Vince Lombardi

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    ABQ NM
    There were a few there I'd not seen before. Good stuff.
    When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. - Hunter S. Thompson
    When the weird get going, they start their own forum. - Vaughn McMillan

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Amherst, New Hampshire
    Faith, Hope & Charity

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Oceanside, So. Calif. 5 mi. to the ocean

    Very Punny


    My wife, Myrna, was the registrar for a college. The Political Scei. prof. was an overly dedicated punster. He couldnt say 25 words without at least one pun. He drove my wife nuts (at least that is her excuse) and she still hates puns. Oh yes, that was in the 1940s.

    She is going to hate this list when I give it to her.


    First of all you have to be smarter than the machine.

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