TRUST

Rob Keeble said:

Well i am having a tough, tough time these days with this big word.... But after this episode i am all out of trust.

I have dang had it with this word.

I am tired of being deceived and lied to...
Never mind my extreme disappointment....

Sorry but its all been a bit too much. Is there anyone with integrity and honesty left in this world or am I on the wrong planet. Whats so hard to having these values.

I am i just old fashioned???? Does being in fashion mean you lie to everyone and cheat everyone you can just because you can?

...but this kind of thing makes me just plain mad.
Whats going on???? Am i the only one loosing it. or am i

Please tell me i am not alone.

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Is this not why we all build our own furniture, cabinets, cutting boards, bowls, shops.....?

I had a friend who, a few years ago, took his Honda, with over 100,000 miles on it, to the local garage (very high reputation and also proud of their work--high $$ if you know what I mean).

To make a long story short, the oil leaked out--engine ruined. Garage paid the tow bill and offered a new engine from Honda. He said, no thanks--how about a whole rebuilt Jasper engine. Both were happy.

I guess I'm seeing the "glass half-full" on this one, although I've been burned as much as anyone. We've lived in the same small, rural community for over thirty years and are fortunate to have acquired a great list of people we trust completely in our daily lives, from family doctor and dentist, to plumber, electrician and auto mechanic. Even the excavation contractor, who will come at 7 am on a Sunday morning for a backhoe emergency, then have to be chased for months so I can pay him! It's not all bad.

As to the allusions to the "younger generation", there's a bright future for those among them who are "handy". Our younger son is a case in point. If anything he's a little too bold to try something (he is learning to ask, having been drilled that life's too short to repeat my mistakes). Around the time I was visiting Stu a couple of weeks ago, he decided to change the oil in our old farm truck for the first time. Well, he got into a little problem and was after me to help him via photos and texts from the far side of the world! (Turns out Stu had some good advice to offer, no surprise) So, he wasn't video-gaming, but he was using his tech savvyness to find the answers while lying under the old truck, and he didn't give up.

I think we'll be alright. There's more integrity out there than we think.

It's really up to us to instill the values that are needed to insure that future generations take enough pride in their work to insure that quality is the major focus. a good example is my grand daughter. She loves to help out around the shop but being 6 year old she is limited. My wife helps me occasionally with finishing and Alex like to help Grandma. Sherrie will sand a piece and tell Alex that it needs to be as smooth as a Babies butt. When working on my recent commission Alex went up to a piece and rubbed her hand over it and said needs more sanding grandma, then she took a piece of 400 grit and smoothed the piece, rubbed her hand over it and said, smooth as a babies butt. Now thats quality.

Sharon Korn said:

He made me delete my post...

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Did he get two other mods to agree first?

There are people out there in every business who do excellent work. Finding them can be a chore but I ask every friend I respect who they like and do additional checking from there.

Then, once you find a good person, you stick with them. They may not be the lowest cost but they're usually fair.

Mike

IM with both Peter and Mike on this issue.
There are plenty of bad eggs around and these seem to be the ones getting most of the play.(or attention because of complaints)
If you have something damaged, like your car, and you bring it into a shop, you fully expect to leave there after paying with your car fixed.
When you get home, its not like youre going to call your buddy next week and say, Oh, I got my car fixed last week at xyz station, its running fine now.
But if you got your car fixed at xyz and youve had nothing but headaches after paying him, youd say, Oh, I brought my car in to be fixed and xyz really did a number on me, really ripped me off and didnt fix anything! Made it worse!
Youd only mention the good mechanic when your buddy says, hey, do you know a trustworthy mechanic around here? Then you would say, sure, I bring my car to xyz all the time, they are a bit pricey, but the job is always done right and I trust them!

Bad press spreads the word quickly about the bad guys. We tend not to hear about the good guys as often.

Ive dealt with so many crumbcakes over the years, it just teaches me another lesson and I move on.
Ive also found guys with such integrity and honor, its a pleasure doing with business with them for 40 years in a row.

This may not make you feel better, but you are not alone.
Uncaring and unqualified people are all around us.
I have had bad experiences with oil changes also. A filter was not screwed on once, wrong oil many times (I make them redo the job), etc.
Probably the most agregious mess-up was when I had the powered attic fan on my house replaced. When the old fan was removed it left about an 18" hole in the roof. The guy who replaced it actually missed the hole. I still don't know how this was possible. And he knew he had done it. When I called his boss, he knew but wasn't going to remedy the situation without me insisting. I just don't understand that kind of mentality but it exists.

Ive mentioned this, but my FIL sold auto parts a long time ago. Mainly rebuilt clutches and motors.
He knew his way around a car.
He had purchased a new car from Oldsmobile, and brought it in for a servicing.
(he was over 70 at this point, he didnt do his own work anymore)
But trust is something he didnt have for dealerships.
He took out a grease pen and secretly marked the filters, the tires, and all the other little things the mechanic is supposed to do and that was on the invoice.
He pays for the car, and looks under the hood, the oil filter wasnt changed, and the tires werent rotated properly, and maybe another small item or two. I cant remember, it was back in the 80s.
He brought it up to the service manager, and the service manager said, nope, the mechanic initials it when he does it, and its all been initialed on the worksheet.
My fil said to the service manager, no, he didnt do it, lets go speak with him.
The mechanice swore he did everything, until my fil began showing him his marks and how the filter wasnt changed, tires werent rotated.
The mechanic admitted he overlooked these items.
The dealership wasnt around much longer. Not because of my FIL, but Im sure everyone in the area started to realize something was wrong with them.

I trust all of my mechanics... I stand in the bay door and watch them do the work...
I trust that they can see me there.

You are not alone Rob, both in having these values and being upset ( not to say other words that the COC doesn't allow) by many people and institutions.

I just had a few words with my bank about something they told me they were not going to charge and that they have. Now my account is in a different bank.
That doesn't guarantee anything but it has been the only weapon that I could use against them.

It seems that nowadays the rule is: If you can get away with it, it is OK to do it.
The problem is not in doing it but in being caught.

trust is something that is learned from childhood. if there's no trust mentor, then they'll be no trust developed. Generations past made it a point to teach this value thru honorable living life. Those generations that followed found no reason to pass it on, as life became more selfish,and a mans' word didn't matter. Today, what we face is a direct result of utter failure of the last 30 years or so to teach and live trust..and honor. It can get turned around, but it won't due to the near complete morphing of values and selfishness. I'm glad that I was raised by the former generation, and feel sorry for the coming generations.....

James Edwards said:

trust is something that is learned from childhood. if there's no trust mentor, then they'll be no trust developed. Generations past made it a point to teach this value thru honorable living life. Those generations that followed found no reason to pass it on, as life became more selfish,and a mans' word didn't matter. Today, what we face is a direct result of utter failure of the last 30 years or so to teach and live trust..and honor. It can get turned around, but it won't due to the near complete morphing of values and selfishness. I'm glad that I was raised by the former generation, and feel sorry for the coming generations.....

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I think you're looking at the past with rose colored glasses. I'm not so young and there was a tremendous amount of scam activity that I encountered in my youth. People are the same today as they were 100 years ago - they've been issuing the same model for a lot of years.

Our youth is not going to the dogs. Every generation *claims* the youth is no good but it all works out and eventually that youth becomes the aged and claims the new youth is going to the dogs. There are quotes back to at least Roman time saying the same thing.

I see youth who are wasting their lives and I see youth who are achieving amazing things. Just like when I was a kid.

Mike

Mike Henderson said:

I think you're looking at the past with rose colored glasses. I'm not so young and there was a tremendous amount of scam activity that I encountered in my youth. People are the same today as they were 100 years ago - they've been issuing the same model for a lot of years.

Our youth is not going to the dogs. Every generation *claims* the youth is no good but it all works out and eventually that youth becomes the aged and claims the new youth is going to the dogs. There are quotes back to at least Roman time saying the same thing.

I see youth who are wasting their lives and I see youth who are achieving amazing things. Just like when I was a kid.

Mike

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Mike, maybe there were scam activity where YOU lived back in the day, but not so much around here. Folks were hard working farmers/orchardists for the most part. it wasn't until the interstate highway system allowed outsiders to move here and that's when many things changed, especially the people. People from Washington/Baltimore/Philly and beyond never had what we'd call community-minds. they had big city attitudes towards everything, and that's even MORE so here today..it's not just the youth, Pal, it's all those that never knew what respect was...because it meant something totally different from what I was taught. I ask many of these folks why this was, and they said " too many people to become cozy"..and " we didn't WANT to know our neighbors". that says alot. my wife grew up in Poway,Ca in the early 60s..she witnessed the change of attitudes when the population grew beyond what she was accustomed to. She witnessed the same change when she moved here in the mid 70s. she saw it everyday as clear as a bell... people in general HAVE changed, and it's due to population growth. but that didn't release the obligation to teach trust and respect to our kids. but it hasn't happened. other reasons include working Moms and daycare. Around here, the only time Moms' worked was in the apple package sheds at harvest time. part time at best. maybe it was different where you grew up, but hardly any Moms worked( except School teachers and such). most were stay at home Moms whos' jobs had a greater "value". but that'll never be the case again, or it might depending upon the economy...Dads were also home after work to teach those ideals as well, and sometimes at a cost of "warmed britches"...
jus' sayin'....ropse colored glasses..nope... just speaking facts from the way it was here...

I understand your point. But it seems you'd prefer that communities remain static (not very many people moving in) and small - and perhaps farm based. Unfortunately, that's not the way the world is going. We're becoming more of an urban based country as young people move to the cities in search of jobs.

And the larger world is not a nice, trusting place - never was, never will be. Personally, I'd like to see our young people taught about the scams and cheats that they will likely encounter in their life. Forewarned is forearmed.

BTW, I grew up on a farm but had contact with a city. I was scammed a few times but never for a lot of money. I consider it money well "spent" because it made me a bit more cynical.

I can trust people, but only after I get to know them and have experience with them. I think that's true for almost everyone.

Mike

I bought my first car from a small used car place in Trenton, Mo. I had seen it in the shop with the valve cover off(though I didn't know what it was called at that time.) In just a few days it started making mechanical noises and a friend in a local full service gas station loaned me the tools to pull off the valve cover and was going to show me how to adjust the tappets. Well I got the cover off and he came over, the whole foot was wore off several of the rocker arms.

I went back where I bought it and as a 17 year old blew up at the owner and reminded I had seen them with the valve cover off. Well he installed a new or used rocker assembly and that solved the problem. But this was in a small town in the Midwest, (5200 population) and was in 63-64 so this issue isn't new by any means.

And if a cow got out and was hit on the highway there wasn't a farmer in 30 miles missing any livestock...that wanted to pay for the damages.

My grandfather was killed with a lead pipe to the head in 1902 or so. Yep the good old days.

So those rose colored glasses are just that..

And it is no better today but I am not sure its any worse....

A number of years ago our Son applied to be a Police Officer and one of the things in the process was a home interview. The fellow doing the interview told us that in reviewing his application they had one big question - how come this young fellow was so "clean". His only offence was one speeding ticket and he was 24 years old. When asked, his response to them was that it would have been one thing to get into trouble but it would have been another thing to try and explain to his parents why he was so dumb as to do it in the first place. The Wife and I were very honoured to hear that response. He was a 16 year old designated driver to the crowd that he was involved with and none of them ever got into trouble either. As parents we talked to each other and never protected him if he did get into trouble at school or after school.

Now you can't punish a kid in school, you can't assign homework, you can't make them complete an assignment, you can't fail a kid and then we wonder why there are kids that can't fill out a job application when they "finish" school. My question is where were the parents when this kid was going to school or did they just figure schools were daytime daycares?

Glen Franchuk said:

A number of years ago our Son applied to be a Police Officer and one of the things in the process was a home interview. The fellow doing the interview told us that in reviewing his application they had one big question - how come this young fellow was so "clean". His only offence was one speeding ticket and he was 24 years old. When asked, his response to them was that it would have been one thing to get into trouble but it would have been another thing to try and explain to his parents why he was so dumb as to do it in the first place. The Wife and I were very honoured to hear that response. He was a 16 year old designated driver to the crowd that he was involved with and none of them ever got into trouble either. As parents we talked to each other and never protected him if he did get into trouble at school or after school.

Now you can't punish a kid in school, you can't assign homework, you can't make them complete an assignment, you can't fail a kid and then we wonder why there are kids that can't fill out a job application when they "finish" school. My question is where were the parents when this kid was going to school or did they just figure schools were daytime daycares?

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Glenn,
My grand daughter is in first grade. She has been taught to call adults Mr. and Mrs. and then there last name. She has 2 hours of homework every night and can read add and subtract and just made honor roll. all of the kids in the neighborhood are the same way. I believe that your sumation of kids today is way to general. In Arizona the kids must pass a comprehensive test in order to be promoted and to graduate.

Don Baer said:

Glenn,
My grand daughter is in first grade. She has been taught to call adults Mr. and Mrs. and then there last name. She has 2 hours of homework every night and can read add and subtract and just made honor roll. all of the kids in the neighborhood are the same way. I believe that your sumation of kids today is way to general. In Arizona the kids must pass a comprehensive test in order to be promoted and to graduate.

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Make sure you teach her to write cursive if the schools don't. I hear some/most? have quite teaching cursive other than to sign you name

It will be a lost art in a few generations, like shorthand that my mom was an expert at (still have her books)