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Thread: 99 Rules for Woodworkers

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    RETIRED(!) in Austintown, Ohio

    99 Rules for Woodworkers

    Gems of Woodworking Wisdom. Or 99 Ways Woodworkers Delude Themselves.

    1) 1/16" Is close enough
    2) I have enough clamps
    3) I don't need more glue
    4) My wife knows my name
    5) I don't need a Unisaw
    6) Rust doesn't bother me
    7) One router is enough
    8) Picking out wood is easy
    9) My kids recognize me
    10) I have all the tools I need
    11) I don't need a jointer or planer
    12) 1/32Ē is close enough
    13) I don't really need dust collection
    14) 89 degrees is square enough
    15) I know right where that tool is
    16) I'm sure that won't dull the jointer blades
    17) I don't have to hurry, that glue has a long setup time
    18) Mitered corners without a jig, piece of cake!
    19) Any old finish is good enough
    20) I have lots of space in my shop
    21) Donít worry about that knot, it will be on the scrap side.
    22) I'll get a cheap bit 'cause I'll never need that size again
    23) Dust and poly are a perfect mix
    24) I'll fix 'that' after I finish it
    25) I have plenty of router bits
    26) MDF is great to work with because it is basically dust-free
    27) Two routers are plenty
    28) 91 degrees is close enough.
    29) Wobble dados are flat-bottomed enough
    30) I don't have time to sharpen it
    31) I will just shave off a little, no need to measure
    32) I'll clean that glue squeeze out later
    33) That should be plenty of wood for the project
    34) I know the dimension I don't need to look at the sketch
    35) No need for a pilot hole, this won't split
    36) Nobody will ever see the underside of this piece anyway, why sand?
    37) A 6-in. jointer is big enough.
    38) I'll buy this cheaper tool; it'll be good enough
    39) Yeah, I can whip that out in a few hours
    40) I donít need anything, but since I am passing by, I will just stop in Woodcraft just to look around.
    41) If I make it myself, it will cost almost nothing
    42) Which Minwax stain will work well this time?
    43) Plans? I don't need no stink'n plans!
    44) That would be easy to make
    45) I only need one table saw blade for everything.
    46) Sure, I'll be glad to build that for you
    47) Iím sure that glue is dried by now!
    48) Sure, I know it's midnight, but I'll just rout this 10' board quickly. No one will notice.
    49) I'll be to bed in a minute, just want to check if there are any new postings on FWW.
    50) Really, I don't need twelve steps; I can quit buying tools any time
    51) I can stop woodworking anytime!
    52) Listen honey, with $2000.00 I could get all the tools Iíll ever need.
    53) No problem. I KNOW I can get that new planer in my 8X12 workshop!
    54) Daaad, it's 2am and your machine is waking me up! ďOK hon, go back to bed. Iím done now.Ē
    55) Man thatís a nice piece of wood, expensive but nice... 2 Years laer: What the heck did I do with that piece of wood?
    56) Sure Honey, you can use my tools anytime.
    57) Yeah, you can lay that walnut on the asphalt
    58) No one told ME to measure the stairway door!
    59) Turn on the whole house fan darling, that smell (formica adhesive) will be gone soon
    60) I cut it twice and it's still too short
    61) That cut?! No problem, piece of cake...
    62) All tape measures are accurate enough
    63) Sure! You can borrow my (name of tool here), I hardly ever use it!
    64) I'll be in a minute or so...
    65) Geometry class was a waste of time
    66) If all four sides are equal lengths it must be square
    67) I do not need my reading glasses to read the ruler
    68) If I tighten the clamp more, the gap will close
    69) Perfect, I can get all four 12Ē pieces out of that one 48Ē board. ( ďSaw kerf, whatís a saw kerf?Ē )
    70) Of course I will still park the cars in the garage!
    71) I would NEVER take a vacation day to stay home and play with my tools
    72) Only a true wacko would use a dial indicator on wood working tools
    73) My workbench is flat enough!
    74) Under the finish nobody will be able to see that little tear-out.
    75) Oh yeah, I can have it ready in two weeks, fer sure!
    76) The lumber truck will be here Monday morning!
    77) I'm sure I have one more project's worth of clean cutting from these knives
    78) Iíve got power tools, I donít need any chisels or planes.
    79) I'm sure I've sanded all the glue excess away
    80) If I just cut this warped board to short lengths it will work just fine
    81) I don't need to read ALL of the owner's manual
    82) No, I don't need to write them down, I've got all the measurements in my head.
    83) Gee, I cut all the miters at exactly 45deg and the last corner of my picture frame still doesn't come together.
    84) They always build a project before they publish the plans
    85) Of course it will work, everybody else does it that way
    86) This router table should take care of our needs
    87) This size shop should be large enough for our tools
    88) Do you think we should check the dust collector? -- No, we haven't been doing that much cutting
    89) No need to put up the tailgate, it won't slide out
    90) Let's see, the opening for that drawer is 17 3/4", plus an 8th and a 32ndÖ
    91) I'm 100% sure I marked 3/4" and not 5/8", particularly since this is the last piece of oak I have on hand
    92) I have enough glue to finish this assembly.
    93) That clamp up will be easy, Just wrap a band clamp around it.
    94) I canít check for square because that clamp is in the way, but Iím sure it will be okay.
    95) The plans say to make the drawer xxx inches wide, no need to measure, itíll fit fine.
    96) I donít need a clamp on the drill press, Iíll just hold it down by hand.
    97) I donít need dust collector piping, Iíll just switch the hose from machine to machine as I need it.
    98) Iíll tune up the tablesaw next week, Itíll be fine for this project.
    99) No Boss, I wasnít daydreaming, I was listening to your presentation.
    Jim D.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Vancouver Island, Courtenay/Comox Valley, British Columbia
    Thanks for posting that Jim. My favorites are #'s 40, 49, and 82.
    AKA Young Grasshopper Woodworker
    AKA The Rookie

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Outside the beltway
    Jim I'll add one;
    Dave you have sawdust in your beard .........GO TAKE A SHOWER !
    I dream a lot. I do more painting when I'm not painting. It's in the subconscious.
    ::: Andrew Wyeth :::

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Syracuse, Nebraska
    A few more, Jim, and thanks for the humor.

    If it was gonna warp it would have by now.

    Worn out 80 grit is about the same as 120 grit.

    Yeah, the can said re-coat after 12 hours, but it's already dry after 2.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Amherst, New Hampshire
    Faith, Hope & Charity

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    ABQ NM
    When I first started reading it, I figured I'd copy the few that applied to me and make some wise guys remarks about them. By the time I got to the end, there were too many to list. Guilty as charged, Your Honor.
    When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. - Hunter S. Thompson
    When the weird get going, they start their own forum. - Vaughn McMillan

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Schenectady, NY
    Hey-have you been eavesdropping in my shop ?

    Great post Jim, thanks.
    Don Orr

    Woodturners make the World go ROUND

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Salt Spring Island, BC Canada
    Hmmm How about

    " you better dust off before you take one step into the house,

    Looks good at 50 mph,

    Can't see it from my house,

    Where are you going to put that? ."

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Vancouver Island, Courtenay/Comox Valley, British Columbia
    How about

    No, you don't need a red flag on it, it's a short distance.

    Sure those machines will fit in the back of the pickup.

    That tool is definitely square.

    I don't need no stinkin' instruction book.
    AKA Young Grasshopper Woodworker
    AKA The Rookie

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Salt Spring Island, BC Canada
    No need to tie it down, We will just toss it on the roof and then you put you hand out the window and I will do the same and just hang onto the sheets while we drive home down the HWY

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