Luv thy tractor
Ralph is passing by Pete's shed one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Pete doing a striptease in front of his old green John Deere tractor.
"What on earth are you doing Pete?" says Ralph.
"Good heavens Ralph, ya frightened the life out a me." replies an obviously embarrassed Pete. "Ya see, me and the missus have been having a little trouble in our relationship lately and the marriage counselor suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."
The perception of perfection is perfectly clear to everyone else