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Thread: A retirement story....Some woodworking included...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Coastal plain of North Carolina

    A retirement story....Some woodworking included...

    One day a man decided to retire...

    He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

    He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

    After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

    In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

    She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank."

    "Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

    "Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island.

    The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

    "But, where did you get the tools?"

    "Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

    The guy is stunned.

    "Let's row over to my place," she says.

    So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf.
    As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to an cabin and treehouse.

    While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually,

    "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please."

    "Would you like a drink?"

    "No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

    "It's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Tropical Spritz?"

    Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.

    After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."

    No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

    "This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"

    When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias.
    She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

    "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. There's something I'm certain you feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for, right?" She stares into his eyes.

    He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,

    "You've built a golf course?
    I may be getting a little older physically but mentally I'm still tarp as a shack.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Outside the beltway
    Mike that one never gets old.
    I dream a lot. I do more painting when I'm not painting. It's in the subconscious.
    ::: Andrew Wyeth :::

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Indianapolis area
    Quote Originally Posted by Dave Hawksford View Post
    Mike that one never gets old.
    Ditto! But I'm not a golfer.


    "Individual commitment to a group effort--that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work."
    Vince Lombardi

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Oceanside, So. Calif. 5 mi. to the ocean
    I'm not a golfer either. It seems like a waste of time when there are better things to do.


    First of all you have to be smarter than the machine.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Coastal plain of North Carolina
    I feel like I just fell off the turnip truck. This is a new joke to me....

    Just goes to show that there is always something new under the sun......for someone.
    I may be getting a little older physically but mentally I'm still tarp as a shack.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    North West Indiana
    Hey Mike, new one to me! Good one also! Won't be able to tell it though, to many details! But it is a good one! When I read it to my wife later I'll change the golf course thing to "you have a horse?!".
    God and family, the rest is icing on the cake.

    I'm so far behind, I think I'm in first place.

    Premier Bovine Scatologist


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