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Thread: Cosmic Laws

  1. #1
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    Cosmic Laws

    A friend sent me this and I thought it was pretty funny-and frighteningly true. Hope you enjoy it. I don't recall seeing this before.

    Truer words were never spoken.



    1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.


    2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped,
    will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.


    3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.


    4. Law of Random Numbers - I f you dial a wrong number, you never

    get a busy signal - and someone always answers.

    6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).


    7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.


    8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.


    9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone
    that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!


    10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.


    11. Law of the Theater &Hockey Arena - A t any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.


    12. The Coffee Law - A s soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.


    13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - I f there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.


    14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.


    15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.


    16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

    17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking -- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!!


    18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
    As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.


    19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.



    Really.... It's true.
    Don Orr

    Woodturners make the World go ROUND

  2. #2
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    you forgot the one true universal constant don - all wives are right all of the time (even when they are clearly wrong)....
    benedictione omnes bene

    www.burroviejowoodworking.com

    check out my etsy store, buroviejowoodworking

  3. #3
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    Those are so true Don!
    Programmer - An organism that turns coffee into software.
    If all your friends are exactly like you, What an un-interesting life it must be.
    "A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of" Ogden Nash


  4. #4
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    It could be worse You could be on fire.
    Stupid hurts.

  5. #5
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    great stuff, one more Id like to add, as it just happenned to me again.

    Put something in a place where you wont lose it or misplace it, and when you need it, you will not remember where you put it.
    (I had 2 keys for the shed, so I keep one on me and the second I hid in a safe spot, but now I dont remember where that safe spot is. I blamed my wife for misplacing it, but I dont want to apologize at this point realizing I put it somewhere and dont remember where, since that will open up 30 years worth of cans of worms)
    Human Test Dummy

  6. #6
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    And now for the REAL question: What happened to Cosmic Law #5 ???
    Jim D.
    Adapt, Improvise, Overcome!

  7. #7
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    All I know is I was hit by the first 3 when I was working on my Bobcat this weekend...
    Programmer - An organism that turns coffee into software.
    If all your friends are exactly like you, What an un-interesting life it must be.
    "A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of" Ogden Nash


  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jim DeLaney View Post
    And now for the REAL question: What happened to Cosmic Law #5 ???
    I don't know-I copied them as I received them.
    Don Orr

    Woodturners make the World go ROUND

  9. #9
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    law #5 is the same as the the other sock, where is it?
    another law, all washer/dryers eat socks?
    Human Test Dummy

  10. #10
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    All I can say is, Thanks.

    Oh yes, I'm glad I am part of this crazy outfit.

    Enjoy,

    JimB
    First of all you have to be smarter than the machine.
    VOTING MEMBER

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