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Thread: Pets Diary

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    somewhere east of Queen Creek, AZ - South East of Phoenix

    Pets Diary

    Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......

    8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
    9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
    9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
    10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
    12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
    1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
    5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
    7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
    8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
    11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

    Excerpts from a Cat 's Daily Diary...

    This is day 983 of my captivity...

    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects... They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

    Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

    The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

    Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. The bastards.

    There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

    Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

    I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded..
    "There’s a lot of work being done today that doesn’t have any soul in it. The technique may be the utmost perfection, yet it is lifeless. It doesn’t have a soul. I hope my furniture has a soul to it." - Sam Maloof
    The Pessimist complains about the wind; The Optimist expects it to change;The Realist adjusts the sails.~ William Arthur Ward

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Thomasville, GA
    That's great, Don!

    We know about the cat thing. Ours allows us to share our home with him - most of the time.
    Bill Arnold
    Citizen of Texas residing in Georgia.
    NRA Life Member
    Member of Mensa
    Live every day like it's your last, but don't forget to stop and smell the roses.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Yorktown, Virginia
    Don, In view of the fact that one of the cats we involuntarily inherited from the MIL just tripped me as I was on my way to pick up a hairball barf on the family room rug, this a very timely post.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    North of Reno, NV...middle of the desert
    Well I agree with the dog parts, but our cat (the dumpster kitty) thinks he is a dog, so I don't think he has the same feelings (although he does sit by the door, looking or escape...but escape means he's coyote bait)

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Kansas City, Missouri

    To a small child, the perfect granddad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo.” – Robert Brault

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Reno NV
    You amuse me, Mr. Baer.

    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails 6733660609_2172852c47_z.jpg  
    Programmer - An organism that turns coffee into software.
    If all your friends are exactly like you, What an un-interesting life it must be.
    "A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of" Ogden Nash

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Syracuse, Nebraska
    Dogs have owners.....cats have staff.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Indianapolis area
    Love it, love it, love it!


    "Individual commitment to a group effort--that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work."
    Vince Lombardi

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