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Thread: Tiger Woods and Stevie Wonder

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    somewhere east of Queen Creek, AZ - South East of Phoenix

    Tiger Woods and Stevie Wonder

    Tiger Woods & Stevie Wonder are in a bar.

    Tiger turns to Stevie and says, "
    HOWS the singing career going?"

    Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"

    Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now."

    Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next play, it seems to be all right."

    Incredulous, Tiger says, "You play GOLF?"

    Stevie says, "Yes, I've been playing for years."

    Tiger says, "But -- you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"

    Stevie Wonder replies, "Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."

    But, "how do you putt" asks Tiger.

    "Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball toward his voice."

    Tiger asks, "What's your handicap?"

    Stevie says, "Well, actually -- I'm a scratch golfer."

    Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."

    Stevie replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. Is that a problem?"

    Woods thinks about it and says, "I can afford that; OK, I'm game for that.. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?"

    Stevie Wonder says, "Pick a night."
    "There’s a lot of work being done today that doesn’t have any soul in it. The technique may be the utmost perfection, yet it is lifeless. It doesn’t have a soul. I hope my furniture has a soul to it." - Sam Maloof
    The Pessimist complains about the wind; The Optimist expects it to change;The Realist adjusts the sails.~ William Arthur Ward

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Thomasville, GA
    Bill Arnold
    Citizen of Texas residing in Georgia.
    NRA Life Member
    Member of Mensa
    Live every day like it's your last, but don't forget to stop and smell the roses.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Amherst, New Hampshire
    Faith, Hope & Charity

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada

    The other member of Mensa, but not the NRA

    Everyone is a self-made person.

    "The thing about quotes on the internet is that you cannot confirm their veracity" -Abraham Lincoln

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Kansas City, Missouri

    To a small child, the perfect granddad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo.” – Robert Brault

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