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Thread: Need some words of wisdom to help me with my kids

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    GTA Ontario Canada

    Need some words of wisdom to help me with my kids

    Ok i need all the bits of advice i can get before i go crazy.

    I got two 17 and other 23. These guys are making this old school boy do i get the 23 yr old to move out? Younger one will go to University in 2 months i gotta deal with the older one.
    I had about as much as i can handle of this generation of spoilt brats. I cannot get Swmbo to see that her ways are just adding to the kids problems and bad behavior.
    I come to believe humans see kindness as being soft and weak and will extort all they can like monkeys till there aint no more.
    There has to be some line in the sand and i gotta draw it out clearly.
    Where in the world do you get to stay at home do as you like come and go not contribute and complain when the food aint to your liking or your x item aint all washed and ironed ready for you to wear. Dont clean up or pick up or wash up or squat ....
    I was not cut out for kids.......i aint got the patience for this....

    This in my view is a function of spare the rod spoil the child. Some you cannot reason with.

    I am all ears to solutions so please pass out the parenting secrets.

    Sent from my MB860 using Tapatalk 2

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    somewhere east of Queen Creek, AZ - South East of Phoenix
    Rob ya need a team effort if your spouse isn't on board with you ya are not gonna win.
    "There’s a lot of work being done today that doesn’t have any soul in it. The technique may be the utmost perfection, yet it is lifeless. It doesn’t have a soul. I hope my furniture has a soul to it." - Sam Maloof
    The Pessimist complains about the wind; The Optimist expects it to change;The Realist adjusts the sails.~ William Arthur Ward

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Santa Claus, In
    Quote Originally Posted by Don Baer View Post
    Rob ya need a team effort if your spouse isn't on board with you ya are not gonna win.
    If you don't take pride in your work, life get's pretty boring.

    Rule of thumb is if you don’t know what tool to buy next, then you probably don’t need it yet.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Quote Originally Posted by Don Baer View Post
    Rob ya need a team effort if your spouse isn't on board with you ya are not gonna win.
    Quote Originally Posted by Steve Southwood View Post

    I had an old girlfriend that would give luggage as a high school graduation gift to her kids.
    “When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.” - John Ruskin
    “Nowadays people know the price of everything and the value of nothing.” - Oscar Wilde

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Central NY State
    1. negotiate with your wife as to what rules you can both live with
    2. present those rules to sons with clear explanation of consequences should they not be followed
    3. enforce consequences
    4. repeat as many times as necessary

    If you have a 23 year old loafer in your home, doing little or nothing to help run the household, what does his mother feel about it?
    If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Constantine, MI
    Quote Originally Posted by Don Baer View Post
    Rob ya need a team effort if your spouse isn't on board with you ya are not gonna win.
    Another yep. Gotta be a team and present a united front.

    My three were all given the same options at the end of high school.
    1. Go out into the world an make your own way
    2. Go on to college and we will help as best we can
    3. Join the military

    Interestingly enough, each chose a different path.

    When two came back home, a year apart (after we moved to Idaho and they wanted to come west and start new lives), they were each given the same deal. We will house you and feed you for free for 6 months. During that time you must find work, find your own transportation, and a place to live. At the end of the 6 months, if these terms had not been met, we would help them locate a nice cardboard box and a bridge to put it under.

    Fortunately, neither of them put us to the test. Both had met the terms and moved out inside of 5 months.
    Host of the 2017 Family Woodworking Gathering - Sunken Wood

    “We all die. The goal isn't to live forever; the goal is to create something that will.” - Chuck Palahniuk

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Escondido, CA
    Dear Mrs. Rob,

    From a female perspective, I'd like to present some thoughts for you to consider. I only know your husband through this board but it occurs to me that you chose a life spouse pretty well. He is willing to raise productive , contributing children into responsible caring adults. For the rest of us in the world, that would be a good thing. But birds that never leave the nest will never fly. They won't find nice girls, marry and present you with grandchildren. They won't find nice girls because nice girls expect a grownup when they marry. They expect a partner, not a servant. Your boys, never mind their age, are still boys. Even birds in the wild shove their young out of the nest to learn to fly. I would bet a bundle that you love them and believe you are doing the best for them. As hard as it is, you are harming them for life. And you are putting way more stress on your partnership with your husband than is good for either one of you. You may not care for yourself, maybe not even for your husband, but you are crippling your sons. I'll even bet that was not in your plan. I am nearly 70 years old and I would have loved to find a man for a life partner who was grown up, but the one I married had a mother who enabled him to remain a child his entire life, and he did not love her for it, because he had never learned how to be unselfish enough to love someone else, not even his mother. I had to divorce him to literally save my own life. I grow into older age alone, and it ain't fun. Your boys need the pride of self-accomplishment learned through the storms of their own lives. Give them the gift of learning to mature. Give them the gift of someday enjoying the love of a good woman, perhaps even to raise children you would be proud of. Allow them to live through the consequences of their own actions and decisions. It is painful to watch but it is the greatest give of love you can bestow. You have my prayers.

    Some say the land of milk and honey; others say the land of fruits and nuts. All together my sort of heaven.

    Power is not taken. It is given. Who have you given yours to? Hmmmm?

    Carol Reed

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Between Aledo and Fort Worth, TX
    Wow! You can certainly tell which one of us is the Minister, huh? Great post Carol. Jim.
    Coolmeadow Setters...
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    Home of Irish Setter Rescue of North Texas
    When Irish Eyes are smiling, they're usually up to something!!
    At a minimum, I'm Pentatoxic...but most likely, I'm a Pentaholic. There seems to be no known cure. Pentatonix, winners of The Sing Off, season 3

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Kansas City, Missouri
    I'd have to give another 'yep', need some common actions moving forward and to be consistent in executing them. We've got our youngest living at home and her time here will be coming to an end, at least that is my plan. Ironically, in talking with my wife, she actually wants our daughter out more than I do. Though we have that common idea, our ideas of getting from point A to point B vary widely. I'm a very straight shooting person and feel one needs to learn to swim by just jumping in and testing the water (though I'm not sure I practice it as often as I should). My wife sees the "issues" my daughter has in moving forward, they are a lot a like in many ways.

    To add, over the years I've had to re-construct my relationship with my daughter several times. Not in that we don't get along, but to get on common ground and build trust. I've learned that she will work hard and will be loyal to someone she feels comfortable with. Me taking the time to get her past the fears of "what if" and making her feel comfortable and confident goes a long ways. As you know, we started the PB business to give her an avenue to make money and perhaps eventually run the business. I'm finding, though it's not gone as smoothly or flowing as I hoped all would, I've started to see her strengths and where she needs work going forward. My wife, also being involved, has gotten a view of how I work and been able to provide feedback and insight to help change some of my perceptions to help with getting our daughter past some of her hurdles. Also, more and more I'm seeing that my daughter doesn't have an agenda to do nothing and live at home. She actually just doesn't have a plan and may not intend on making one, I'm pretty sure that I didn't at her age. Looking back I was given a nudge that I was willing to follow and I only followed it as I trusted the person nudging me.

    To a small child, the perfect granddad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo.” – Robert Brault

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Delton, Michigan
    well rob, youhave had some good advice and i applaud carols post.. she said like it is.. and from the lady's side of things.. as for me and mine well they were around 23 and 25 or there abouts.. and it took me that long to get mom to see that they wernt getting better.. we did charge them to tlive at home and they had chores but the job and then the guy is what finally got them out.. and the only good thing about being home that long is that mom and dad got to have them just bit longer but it was two edged sword.. it cut deep when they left and it cut deep when they were there doing not as we wished.. but the two moons finally collided and they were out in the world flying by them selves in there own part of life.. bottom line though is you need to get her to see it.. til then you wont succeed..
    If in Doubt, Build it Stout!
    One hand washes the other!
    Don't put off today till tomorrow!

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