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Thread: see if this works

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    bethel springs TN, but was born and raised in north east PA

    see if this works


    1- I used to eat a lot of natural foods until
    I learned that most people die of natural causes.

    2- There are two kinds of pedestrians . . .
    The quick and the dead.

    3- Life is sexually transmitted.

    4- Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate
    at which one can die.

    5- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

    6- Health nuts are going to feel stupid
    someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

    7- Have you noticed since everyone has a cell phone
    these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

    8- Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

    9- All of us could take a > lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

    10- In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
    Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

    11- How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

    12- Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly
    things and drink whatever comes out'? Hmmmmm, How about eggs ? . .

    13- If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why
    is there a song about him?

    14- Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are
    going to look up there anyway?

    16- If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is
    baby oil made from?

    17- Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

    18- Does pushing the elevator button more than
    once make it arrive faster?

    19- Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

    20- Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?

    keith b

    Got this from my bro Keith thought i'd share.
    Last edited by Stephen Bellinger; 02-10-2013 at 02:52 PM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    The Gorge Area, Oregon

    kinda reminds me of "steven wright" jokes.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    new york city burbs
    I like the elevator button one.
    I always get a little chuckle from the impatient lugs standin there pressing that button like they know the more they press it, the faster it comes.
    Human Test Dummy

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Amherst, New Hampshire
    Those are great Steve
    Faith, Hope & Charity

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Thomasville, GA
    Thanks, Steve!
    Bill Arnold
    Citizen of Texas residing in Georgia.
    NRA Life Member
    Member of Mensa
    Live every day like it's your last, but don't forget to stop and smell the roses.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Oceanside, So. Calif. 5 mi. to the ocean
    Thanks Steve or should I say Keith. Myrna and I had some good laughs out of that.

    Allen, They are sort of like the guy/gal driving a car. They stop at the red light and then start inching forward as though the sign will turn green sooner.


    First of all you have to be smarter than the machine.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Spitting distance north of Detroit Michigan
    The perception of perfection is perfectly clear to everyone else

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    ABQ NM
    The list is incomplete without:

    Marriage is the leading cause of divorce.
    When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. - Hunter S. Thompson
    When the weird get going, they start their own forum. - Vaughn McMillan

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    bethel springs TN, but was born and raised in north east PA
    Quote Originally Posted by Vaughn McMillan View Post
    The list is incomplete without:

    Marriage is the leading cause of divorce.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Made my Monday morning.

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