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Thread: I need some humor today to see the brighter side of life

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    GTA Ontario Canada
    Posts
    12,251

    I need some humor today to see the brighter side of life

    Com ya all bring out them jokes and funny stories.

    I need the family today to pile on some of humorous side to life to help take the load off today.

    Feeling the strain of immigration today.

    getting simply put "sucks"
    cheers

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Emporia, KS
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    111
    Here ya go! Saw this on another forum.

    Check email address before you hit send!

    A couple was going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.
    When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.
    Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacherís wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.
    When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
    At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

    Dearest Wife,
    Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
    P.S. Sure is hot down here.



    Ike

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    North West Indiana
    Posts
    6,098
    Well, I just got done with renewing my CPR certification and this joke always comes to mind so had just shared it with a fellow teacher. Hope you are feeling more positive Rob. Feel free to pm me. Don't know why I lean towards hillbilly jokes!???!??

    Two Hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

    Suddenly a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparant that she is in real distress.
    One of the Hillbilies looks at her and says,
    "Kin ya Swallar?'

    The woman shakes her head no.
    Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?'

    The woman begins to turn blue and shakes hers head no.

    The Hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt check a lick with his tongue.
    The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
    As she begins to breath, the Hillbilly walks back slowly to his table.

    His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd Heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seen nobody do it!'
    Jon

    God and family, the rest is icing on the cake. I'm so far behind, I think I'm in first place!

    Host of the 2015 FAMILY WOODWORKING GATHERING

  4. #4
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    Jun 2008
    Location
    GTA Ontario Canada
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    very good ones thanks guys
    cheers

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
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    Yorktown, Virginia
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    Warning ...contains one scatological reference...please cover ears for that part
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2Wx230gYJw
    Last edited by Ted Calver; 03-19-2013 at 03:17 PM.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Portland, Oregon
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    1,898
    Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"

    "Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk. "That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

    With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.

    The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."
    Jesus was a Woodworker

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    ABQ NM
    Posts
    30,015
    On the topic of immigration...

    A boy and his father (new immigrants in Canada), were visiting a shopping centre. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father:

    "What is this, Dad?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded: "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

    While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.

    The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful and attractive 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father shouts to his son: "GO GET YOUR MOTHER!!!"
    When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. - Hunter S. Thompson
    When the weird get going, they start their own forum. - Vaughn McMillan

    workingwoods.com

  8. #8
    My favorite and I 've been telling it for nearly 40 years....

    Two Irish drinking buddies sitting in a pub.....

    One looks at the other says "Patrick me friend....when I die would you do me but one wee favor?"

    The other responds "Aye Michael! What be that?"

    The first one replies..."Would you but pour a quart of fine Irish whiskey over me grave?"

    The 2nd responds "Aye Michael....but you would mind if I passed through me kidneys first?"
    Ken
    ------



  9. #9
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    Hey Rob did you hear the one about the dyslexic guy who walked into a bra ??
    Faith, Hope & Charity

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    ABQ NM
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bob Gibson View Post
    Hey Rob did you hear the one about the dyslexic guy who walked into a bra ??
    Or the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who stayed awake nights wondering if there really was a dog?
    When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. - Hunter S. Thompson
    When the weird get going, they start their own forum. - Vaughn McMillan

    workingwoods.com

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