Need some family input, perplex and concerned

there is one thing in that video that wouldnt fly in my world but watching it you see some high dollar rides setting there and then there is this beater truck.. but his actions would be dealt with, specifically the assault attempt on the elder.
 
After watching the video of that disgusting juvenile I can only think that the kid needs some severe long term discipline, especially for threatening the father with a bat, unfortunately it might be too late to help. Guess I'd better not vent what I really think of the parents that raised him. Talk about a materialistic mentality.
 
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Thank you all very much for all the input. Got a quiet a few things to chew on.

Yes Dad in my case most likely had to fix the washing machine, whereas i do it by choice, or simply because i dont trust too many to do anything for me. Been let down one too many times by "service industry" paying peanuts and hiring monkeys to do the work.

My Dad did make sure i got what i needed in life.
I think as a generation we are bit hard on our parents and how they handled us growing up. As a pure matter of evolution each generation since the war has been pretty much better off than those that went through the depression and war.
I dont see any point in rolling down hardship for the sake of it.
But i do believ in trying to pass on some of what i come to think of as core values. Just feel these values are under seige in todays world and where does one turn to to as a reference to modifying ones values to keep in step with what is going on.

This kid of mine is a real good kid, studying civil engineering, self funding his studies within reason getting very good grades, landed himself a job for the summer from the first working day out of school, devotes time and money to helping coach little league football.
However this past school year burnt through cash like it grew on trees. His first year his food was taken care of through residence. This last year he had to diy in a house with his mates. They each did their own thing for food. I tried teaching him how to budget at beginning of year. Did not want to listen. So came up short to which i helped fund based on his estimate of need. Again came up short, we did the rinse repeat cycle too many times for my liking. I did not want to have this cause an issue while school and exams were on the go. But now he has to learn.

We have discussed as a family the whole what should we do bit as in trash or fix and merits etc.
Learning to make a budget and achieve your wants on the monetary side with goals and savings is a huge lesson i would like to pass on. At that point i feel i will have enabled him to survive comfortably when i am no longer around. There is no other family or extended family around for him to have as a backstop when i pass on so to me its vital he learns this lesson.
I dont specifically care about the car issue, that is just part of the bigger scene.
Sure its nice to have a new car. As i showed him it cost $1300 for me to have two ball joints repaced in mine.
Its fine to just haul it into the dealership and get skinned alive if you have the $1300 but what do you do if you starting out in life and dont have it.
I showed him a reasonable ball joint purchased on line is only $26 in US, i dont even bother pricing them here anymore. A tool from HF $76 and a little sweat equity and boom for a few hundred bucks you got new ball joints.

I want him to see that there are other options and know how to execute them. Then he can decide what he wants to do.
I also showed him what its going to take to get his own home here given how our housing has gone up totally out of proportion to any working persons income.
If he does not learn to save a big chunk of his income there is no way he is going to have his own place someday. We have 20% down rules here now for mortgage. It was always like that in my life anyhow.

Something i realise as well and thank you all for is bringing up the point of making it fun.
I too grew up with divorced parents. When i got to see my Dad as an adolescent many years after he had left home, despite the battles we had the time we spent doing all sorts together around the house on cars or in the workshop were memorable maybe not always fun. Like some of you i appreciate those times now more than i did at the time.
Part of me is trying to set these occassions up for us to spend time together but as Darren said time to pick the battles. Thanks Darren.
Jim your Hotdog story reminded me of being with my mother as a kid and experiencing my sister coming over with her husband (10 years between us) each week to ask Mom for money to buy food for her offspring. It never stopped until the day Mom just did not have any. I never forgot that and it probably leaves lessons behind which is why i could be called a prepper.
I guess at the end of the day we cannot pass on our life experiences that shaped our outlook. They will live their own and have them influence their outlook.

Thanks for all the discussion folk really helps to hear from others on these matters.


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Every child is different. Some need to be taught things, some teach themselves.

Some are like shouting down a empty well--nothing works, others you can give things to and they utilize them appropriatly.

Some are self suficent at 17, some you have to support until they are 30. ...

Only if you're stupid! At 17, kids want to be grown up adults and do what they please. Let them! On their own!!! If you keep letting them "come back home", they'll always be babies!!!

True story: Friends of ours in another state have three sons. The oldest has had some troubles but has finally gotten his act together. The youngest is very successful in the IT field (i.e., 6-figure salary and in his late twenties. The middle one has never been anything but trouble. You name it: drugs, stealing, being a horse's behind in general, laying around all day, jailed for drug offenses, etc. He has no respect for his parents who have dipped into their savings and retirement accounts to pay his legal fees as well as feed and clothe him. He has drained both his mother and father emotionally and physically. But, his mother STILL explains her actions by saying, "He's my baby." There comes a time when you have to turn them loose!!!
 
What your trying to teach him Rob is the difference between "wants" and "needs". He wants a new car but he doesn't need a new car if he were to put a little sweat equity into the current one and have reliable paid for transportation. that would allow him to save for a newer car that he could possibly just buy out right.

These were valuable lesson my parents taught me but I forgot after I got married and had good paying jobs. I suddenly remembered those lessons when I lost that good paying job and had to put my "needs" ahead of my "wants".

Here is a good example of applying the do it your self approach. I bought a 1978 El Camino to fix up and the floor boards were rusted thru. I found online where I could buy them for $300 a side so that's $600 total. I did a little research and for the price of one floor board ($300) I could buy the needed metal working tools and the sheet metal and make my own. I not only learned another skill set that I can apply elsewhere ( fabricating my cyclone) but I also now had the tools that were paid for.

Another example would be when my computer monitor would suddenly just start to turn itself off. Just think how many people would just run out and buy another one. I could of done the same thing and spent about a $100 and been back up and running and throw the other one away. I ended up taking it apart and found out a little .20 cent capacitor went bad. I found one that matched in my electrical scrap parts and replaced it. That's been about a year ago.

I thank my parents and my brother every day for teaching me those values. Because of that I'm not at the mercy of some repair guy that could easily screw you over because you didn't know any better.
 
Well here is a few points. I have a lot of kids and the money is too thin to buy them the American dream education, not to mention cars. I have always encouraged them to work. Any job they can get to earn a few bucks pays them back in all kinds of intangible lessons. My fifth child is now in drivers ed. I told her she was going to watch u-tube videos of car wrecks and require her to analyze each one for the mistakes made. The main reason for this is that when taking her out for a drive I noticed she has a problem with inattention. Each child is different. Like mentioned before some are self starters and ambitious. Others need lots of coaching and extra responsibilities. My oldest son liked to work in the wood shop. He had a serious inattention problem so I had to pull out the drill Sargent routine with him concerning safety. I was worried that he might be permanently scared by the experience. However when he got a job in a moulding/furniture shop the owner commented to me that he was the most safety conscious employee he ever had! He still has all his fingers.

I am definitely of the camp that believes that something earned is something valued. Another thing to ponder is the value of developing different kinds of logic and problem solving when one has to fix things on your own. It is no accident that the best engineers come from farms. At least I have noticed this. On the other hand I tried to mentor an electrical engineer who graduated near the top of her class. (city girl, and a very pleasant person) I wouldn't trust her to wire a light switch correctly. She now is a production supervisor. Couldn't problem solve the simplest thing. The more varied things kids are exposed to in the way of doing things with their hands and working on things the better for them.

Too much T.V. and video games ruins kids. Their brains simply don't develop properly. It is no accident that the Finish education system is tops in the world. Kids in their young formative years are encouraged to play a lot. Burning up all that energy helps calm them down and focus on their studies. Some of their classrooms do not have chairs. They sit on exercise balls and bounce all day while they work on being educated. ADHD, no problem.

My second son worked on the neighbor's farm at age 12 until he graduated High School. He is working as youth director and religious ed. in a 4000 family parish with a high school diploma. Very busy and ambitious lad that one. He is thinking about working toward a law degree to work on the human trafficking problem.

I am amazed with how different each child is.
 
You're doing the right things IMHO...sometimes it's just good to hear it from others when doing the right thing puts you in the minority. You're inner voice is right on track....
 
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