free wood I'm declining

Frank Fusco

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Mountain Home, Arkansas
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Y'all might remember me mentioning a friend a while back who is a master wood carver. Name, Len Dillon. He is a master's master. Well, at age 80, a few weeks ago he was hit with a massive stroke. Makes me cry to see such a dynamic person who has given so much to others now helpless. He has lost all function in the left arm, can't hear from left ear and can't turn to look left. Mind is still sharp, thankfully and speech is only slightly impaired. While visiting him at the nursing home his wife was also there. During the visit she said I could come by and take all the wood I want. Now, Len has a large shop building and many thousands of board feet of all kinds of wood stored. It's a small fortune worth. But, I was saddened that she said this in front of him. To me, it was a sign she had given up on his ever regaining enough health to enjoy the shop again. But, on the other hand, she realizes that it must all go and having a friend take it would be better than hiring someone or burning. However, I can't do it. Not while Len is still with us and able to enjoy talking about wood carving/working. I'm sure he has hopes of getting back to work. For an idea of what Len can do, check out his web site:
http://www.diamondd.org/
 
You are right on your decision. Who knows maybe you
can encourage him to try and be active somehow again.

Visited his site WOW
 
Frank, I can certainly empathize with your feelings. Having your friend give you the wood while he was still able to make a gift of it is one thing; going to his shop and taking what you want is sort of like the vultures who descend--you know, the ones who will steal the pennies off a dead man's eyes. Maybe there is a way that he can get out of the nursing home on a visit back to his shop and you can go with him?? Maybe he's able enough to take a day trip?

Nancy
 
Hi Frank, you did the right thing. And Len may improve with time. It can take a while, but he may be able to recover some use. And what Nancy said.
Ken
 
Frank,

I went to your friend's site, and all I can say is WoW! :thumb: You weren't kidding when you said he is a Master Carver.

I think you're making the right decision, in not taking the wood. It would be one thing if he was nolonger with us and his wife was trying to get rid of it, or if he directly gave it to you...But to take it under these circumstances wouldn't be the respectful thing to do, in my opinion.
 
Frank,
You have certainly made the right decision. 80 year old FIL has done some wonderful and inspiring work since I got him back into it after a bout with health. Way to go Frank:thumb: :thumb:
Thanks,
Chuck
 
i too agree with waiting till he and you can make the choice not the wife!! there are to many of the vulture types and its good to know that your not one of them:thumb: some real nice carving fer sure.. i know of a man who too had a massive stroke and is doing pretty good now after alot of therapy.. so maybe he wont be as good as he once was but if he can just whittle tooth pic's he will enjoy the things he sees in the wood!!
 
Frank, I'm going to take a little different approach to this. If his wife is already thinking of getting rid of the lumber, you may ought to take it. Tell your friend you will take care of it for him and when he is ready he can have any and all of it back if he so desires. The alternative is she may give it to someone else who may not be so considerate! I admire your sentiments, but don't let this lumber go to someone who wouldn't appreciate it the way you do!
 
Frank, I'm going to take a little different approach to this. If his wife is already thinking of getting rid of the lumber, you may ought to take it. Tell your friend you will take care of it for him and when he is ready he can have any and all of it back if he so desires. The alternative is she may give it to someone else who may not be so considerate! I admire your sentiments, but don't let this lumber go to someone who wouldn't appreciate it the way you do!

Thanks, Ed. Problem is, I'm conflicted. I understand what you are saying, but I would rather lose it than to be the one to break his heart. At this point we don't know what he is thinking about getting back into his shop.
 
There may be a way to make clamping jigs that can hold the wood for him. That way, he can still carve using his right arm. It could go a long way towards making him feel still able and vibrant. I agree with the others that the wife may be trying to get someone to take the stuff so he doesn't feel obligated to do work he can't. I just feel that while he's still able, there's a way to make something so he can. Maybe have a heart-to-heart with his wife and see what her thoughts are. There can be a lot of reasons behind her words, one of which is she's scared. If she sees that by having his life's work still available to him it'll help him recover, she will probably help. Then again, if his health is too fragile, having that wood there would be just a reminder of what he can't do. It's a difficult discussion to have, but it might serve you both well to discuss it with her.
 
Frank,

First, I'm really sorry to hear of your friend, and his situation. Prayers out to him and his wife.

Second, there may be a couple of reasons for his wife's action. One, she has given up and would like someone...you...to have the wood, knowing you will put it to good use and remember him when you do. Another just might be...it's easier to have the wood removed while he is still alive....it's just being moved out of the way, because her husband can't use it anymore. If it were removed after he has passed....she would see it as another part of him being taken away...., and she would not like to have to deal with that then.

That being said, my Mom asked me to not take any of Dads tools, that he had not already given me, while he was still alive. She was hoping he just might be able to come back...and even when it was clear he wasn't going to be able to...she wanted to have them around to use, and remember.

I would sit down with his wife and explain that you appreciate her offer, and would feel honored to take the wood, but...and be open about your feelings. Ask her how she feels and how he would feel if he was able to come back for even a quick visit and see the wood gone.

But do look at this situation as one in which you can help your friends wife deal with not just wood, but something that represents so much of him, and has so many memories...even if he has not carved it...yet! Helping her deal with his situation is something he would want, and appreciate you doing.

My thoughts.
 
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Sandy has a lot of merit in her post.
Sit down over a cup of coffee with her.

Yes, Bob, that's a good idea. And, Sandy, I appreciate your words. Actually, I may be the right person to talk with her. When my mother was in a nursing home (for almost six years) I became an active advocate for nursing home residents and joined a orgnization devoted to that cause. I was a delatage to the Silver Haired Legislature and sponsored some bills favorable to helping those in nursing homes. Some of those bills later went on to be passed in the real Legislature. I now serve on the State Board of Nursing, in that role we assure that nurses stay at the top of their profession in caring for patients. I have talked with and led group discussions with families of nursing home residents. I understand what Len's wife is going through. She had never paid a bill or written a check before. He life has been turned upside down in ways as traumatic as what her husband experienced. They are friends and I'll be there for them. The wood is a very minor element in the equation.
Thanks for all the responses, I hadn't expected that. My original post was more of a venue to express feelings than anything.
 
end of an era

I just returned from Len Dillon's funeral. His death is certainly the end of an era. I believe I can say, without contradiction, that he was one of the most gifted wood carvers in history. Beyond that, he was a very giving person. He often used his own time to teach others how to carve. Len was devoted to his wife, family, friends, God and country in ways that should be an example to us all. As much as I'll miss him, I'm OK with his passing for reasons that , if expressed, would go beyond the bounds of our rules here.
Appropriately, at the funeral several of his carvings were on display. A tree of life; a two foot statue of St. Jude and an eagle with an American flag waving behind it.
 
I think you are doing the right thing as well. There's plenty of time to take some of his material if he wants you to have it. The link is taking me to a general results search site for wood carving. Is it working for others?
 
Sorry to hear about your friend Frank, I remember seeing the gallery, he did very nice work.

Glenn, I looked out on archive.org for his site, the main page shows, but the gallery links no longer work.
 
Sorry about your friend Frank, I send my prayers to him and his wife.
I'm sure that where ever he is now he's got the best wood to carve and the best models to get inspiration from and he will continue among us through his carvings.

As a wannabe carver myself an having an old master carver as friend that is like a second father to me I can understand your feelings quite well.

I've tried the link but it only takes me to the general main page. I'd like to see some of his carvings
 
Frank, what a great memorial you have placed here for your friend!
I too am sorry to hear of his passing, and if you hadn't revisited this thread with that information, I would never have seen it. The wood is secondary, and I think that is very evident to all who read your words. Be happy to have known this man as your friend, and cherish the memories. Jim.
 
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