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Thread: Crazy Thoughts-Thinking about Leaving

  1. #1

    Crazy Thoughts-Thinking about Leaving

    Well these are some crazy thoughts I know, but I gotta tell you, lately I've been thinking about leaving. Not FWW mind you, I would never do that, but leave Maine and head west.

    Its crazy because by most people standards I got it pretty good. A spot with no crime, 402 acres of land, a nice home now that my addition is built, a decent shop, and so on and so forth. Hell I build some of the best built yachts afloat so my job is good and I even got a pretty wife and cute daughter...

    But, I just ain't happy.

    Poor English I know, but that's the way I feel lately. The wife and I just aren't getting along, and while Alyson is a bright spot, and leaving her would be hard, I have a friend in Oregon that thinks I could do some good there. I m not sure what Sutherlin, Oregon is like, but I can't help but day dream about about it some.

    Have you guys ever thought like this. Just leaving, starting over and seeing what happens. Not very responsible I know, and I would be giving up so much like land, tractors and whatnot, but there is no getting around the fact that if you want change, you gotta make change. A move to Oregon would certainly be a big change in my life.

    Part of me says this is crazy, I could never leave my family, my property or even Maine for that matter, but it would also be neat to see what I could do on the west coast. I am pretty proud of what I accomplished here in 33 years, it would be cool to see what I could do with my new roots sucking up Pacific water instead of the Atlantic waters.

    Early mid-life crisis I guess, but I would like to hear from the people that day dream about this, just to confirm that I am not completely insane and irresponsible. For those that have actually done something like this, I would like to hear how it worked for you, or didn't work if that is the case. Just crazy thoughts I know, but I thought I would share and see where this thread goes.
    I have no intention of traveling from birth to the grave in a manicured and well preserved body; but rather I will skid in sideways, totally beat up, completely worn out, utterly exhausted and jump off my tractor and loudly yell, "Wow, this is what it took to feed a nation!"

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Tokyo Japan
    I could not do it, the thought of another person being called "Daddy" by MY kids would kill me.

    Everything else in your life is replaceable, fixable, changeable, but you only get one shot at raising your kid, you made her, now be a real man and stick with raising her, you will not do anything as important in your life as this, screw it up, and you WILL regret it till the day you die.

    Suck it up Dad.

    Blunt enough?
    The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.
    William Arthur Ward

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Constantine, MI

    As I read through your post I was thinking, "man, great adventure". I did something very similar 13 years ago and I'd love to relate my story to you. Then I read the paragraph on your family and started to get a chill. Then I read Stu's response and my chill turned into a full scale shudder.

    If you want to pick up and move cross country WITH your family in tow let me know and I'll tell you how I did it and how it worked out. If you're thinking of walking out on your family please count me out as I would have trouble sleeping at night thinking I might have encouraged you in any way.

    You really need to clarify this point for us as I doubt you will find much support here at FAMILY Woodworking for leaving home and family behind. I'm hoping we have misunderstood your message.
    “We all die. The goal isn't to live forever; the goal is to create something that will.” - Chuck Palahniuk

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    San Antonio, Texas
    Travis, I very nearly did exactly what you are talking about. My mid-life crisis I guess. Thankfully I returned to my senses and I was able to see the reality of the "dream" I had been envisioning. Utter fiction, and I would have been most miserable. I've always tried to live by the credo, "If you aren't happy with what you are doing, you ain't doin' the right thing.", but this doesn't apply to families. Jobs are there to be had just about anywhere, and relocation isn't always a bad thing. But what would you have to give up, and what would you get in its stead? Much to think about here. Walking out on a family just isn't an option in my book, so I can't help you there. Like I said, I thought about it and almost did it, but am so very thankful I didn't follow through. I know, the divorce thing is rather common place any more. Heck, 3 of my 5 kids are, or are getting, divorced. And they are all suffering the consequences. The bottom line is that (in my opinion) you are anly looking at treating a symptom when you should focus on the actual cause of that symptom. Do some soul searching and try to identify the real problem. When you do, address that. And by all means, take your time in doing so. This is not something you want to rush into, my friend.

    That's my advise, but remember, advice is free, and you often get what you paid for. Oh, and I usually say the best advise I could give you is not to take my advice. But I really can't say that this time. I honestly believe that you would regret the action much more than you can imagine. You guys will be in our prayers.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Pickles Gap, Arkansas
    Since you asked... leaving your wife and daughter should NOT EVEN AN OPTION you would daydream about... Good grief, man. If you had written you were thinking about moving your family to Oregon, I'd have been reading with interest. Hopefully I'm just reading this wrong.
    If you have a pulse you have a purpose...

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    DSM, IA
    Travis....what Stu said! Continue to be the great father to Alyson that you've already become. The stories and pics you've shared about Alyson prove that you are.
    A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone. -Henry David Thoreau
    My Website

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Salt Spring Island, BC Canada
    Travis I am new to this WW family and though you don't know me I have been there and back and have all the battle scares and the legal bills to prove it. Travis it is easy to run from your problems but it is not the solution, as your problems will always still be there. Moving is not the answer as I have done that. I would strongly suggest that you and your wife get into councilling and work on what ever problems that you have. You have what sounds like a wonderful life and family. Fight for that. You owe this to your daugter. A friend gave me a little plaque years ago when my first was born that said " any man can be a father but it takes someone special to be a daddy" I still have it hanging on my wall and will pass it on to both my sons when the time comes. I have two boys that I spent 7 years fighting for in court and they now live with me (15 and 17). I missed some of their lives and I regretably will never get that back. Trust me you do not want to go down that road. Your family is the most important thing in your life and you owe it to them and yourself to fight as hard as you can to pull it all together. No matter what your problems are they can be worked out and together as that is what families do. Family is "the " most important thing in our lives and sometimes we loose site of that in this hussling world. Sometimes we need to stop and smell the flowers and hear the rain as they might not be there tomorrow.

  8. #8
    Travis..........Whew man! Think this one over really long and hard!

    I have this theory........A man and wife stand in front of a preacher or judge and say "I do....until death do us part..." Hog wash! It's until one of them gets fed up and hires a lawyer. But if you have any conscience at all.....that is truly " 'til death do us part!" The LOML and I have had our problems over the years....not many but like everyone, we have had our fights. 16 years ago she developed a rare cancer. For 10 nights in a row while we waited to get her into the University of Washington Medical Center for some pretty extensive surgery, we sat at the top of the Lewiston Hill and watched the sun set and the sun rise. I realized what a lonely soul I'd be without her in my life. Yeah we've had our fights and disagreements but she's my friend, lover, mother of my kids....grandmother...great grandmother.... My two oldest kids are mine by adoption. My wife is older than I and she was a young blonde divorcee when I met her on a blind date. On that first date I asked her what she was looking for in life expecting "a white knight to whisk me off into the sunset" as an answer. Her answer was "a good father for my two children". On our 3rd date 2 days later I asked her to marry me. Two months later we married. Next month we celebrate our 39th anniversary and I can honestly say I love her more today than I did 39 years ago....even if we did fight like cats and dogs the first 18 months....We both had a lot of growing up to do......2 1/2 years later I adopted those 2 children and we had 1 one more. I have 3 children......The two oldest were 3 & 2 when we married. Two years ago I helped them locate their biological Dad. They felt him out as to what kind of, if any, a relationship he would like to have. They still call me Dad and they don't call him. Sweat and tears are thicker than blood!

    Leave my wife.......I don't know.......Leave my kids...NEVER!

    We've had the normal problems with our 3 kids some of which would be hard for a lot of folks to handle but we managed to get through them. THe good news is all 3 are good adults contributing to society. All 3 kids have moved home at least once temporarily as adults. They are all welcome to do so again if the need arises. It's never pleasant but survivable.

    Leave my wife, my friend, my lover.....NEVER......Leave my kids....NEVER

    I'd think about this one long and hard. You have to sleep at night!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Punta Gorda, Florida
    The things said above sound good but sometimes things are so bad that both husband and wife would be better off with some sort of change and as a result, if things work out well, the kids can also be happier not living in a home where bad things are happening. Only you know the answer.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Mountain Home, Arkansas
    This is about the most personal situation possible. No one can step into another's situation and understand what is happening. The chemistry between a man and a woman is understandable only by those two. In my marriage there have been times I felt the best thing to do would be to end the relationship. But, I remained because of the children and am grateful I made that decision. Not because of the marriage but because we held the family together and at my point in life I am enjoying the rewards of seeing the next generation happy with their families.
    The only advice I'll offer is, if you have a church in your life, do get counseling from your Pastor.
    "Folks is funny critters."

    Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too. ~Voltaire

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