Fat Max Tape Measure
I tend to grow quite attached to my tape measures. For years I have used the Stanley 25 foot tape measure, and had one just about everywhere including home, work, shop, etc. I liked the look, the grip, the simplicity, and way it locked the blade. Best of all it was certified by AWS so I could use it with accuracy for certified welding jobs. Well last Saturday the worst thing happened...my shop tape broke.
Now this is a big deal. I have grown so attached to my tapes that I scribe the date into them when I got it. This one began life on 07-09-1999 and died 12-01-07...RIP favorite measuring tape of mine, you had a long life as far as measuring tapes go. Oh the places you have been, and the number of times you have helped me measure something with accuracy...but I digress in my sadness here
So I ask the wife to pick me up a new one as I just can't use my back up Standard/metric tape...Of course she can't stop at the hardware store "because the baby was sleeping", so I head out to get my own.
They no longer make the old style Stanley tape that I have grown to have an unhealthy fondness for. They have this Fat Max tape thing. I buy it and quickly realize its junk. The blade does not slide in and out enough. I did a few measuring things and found out its about 1/16th off when you make an inside measurement. This is because the blade is reinforced, but by reinforcing it, the end of the tape does not slide in and out. Its completely inaccurate on inside measurements. Junk, junk, junk.
A few other things I don't like about it is the way the tape can be held out there for 13 darn feet or something. I do a lot of inside measuring so I need to fold the tape up a lot. The Fat Max hates to do that. It also has this funky greenish-yellowish paint to the tape that I just don't like. I can't believe they dare call this thing an improvement!!
I think I will just take the stupid thing back, then get in touch with Stanley and see if they have a few of the old school tapes out in the back corner of the warehouse. Maybe they can get me one or two. I'll still be out of luck when they break, but that will be 2017 so by then maybe "what is old is new again" and the junk Fat Max will be replaced by the Retro old school tape measure they used to make.
I have no intention of traveling from birth to the grave in a manicured and well preserved body; but rather I will skid in sideways, totally beat up, completely worn out, utterly exhausted and jump off my tractor and loudly yell, "Wow, this is what it took to feed a nation!"