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Thread: Professional Parent?

  1. #1

    Professional Parent?

    Today I was reading the new brochure for the local school's Adult Education Program. There was a ton of courses, but one jumped out at me. Here in Maine we have what is called A Family for Me. The me being the abbreviation for Maine. Anyway its a free course that helps interested people become foster parents.

    Now you all know Patty and I have been having difficulties, but we seem to be coming out of it. At the same time we do have a pretty good spare room in our house. Growing up in a foster home myself, I know what I am getting involved in, so in a nut shell I would not mind being a professional parent.

    I am not saying I am the perfect candidate to be a foster dad, but to be honest, neither was my dad, but he did alright. Anyway I mentioned it to Patty and she kind of waffled. Patty is a teacher and knows that foster kids come with baggage because of their situations. She is hesitant to be involved with them 24/7. Still she showed an interest in "checking out the course".

    What do you guys and gals think? I mean we have been having problems marriage wise, so maybe we should not get involved. Part of me says that it just would not be right, but another part of me says, share your home because no parent is really perfect.

    No matter what we decide to do, let me say, for those that are Foster and Adopted Parents, its the ultimate sacrifice really. Taking in battered and abused children and sharing something that is very sacred...their homes. To those that do that, thanks.
    I have no intention of traveling from birth to the grave in a manicured and well preserved body; but rather I will skid in sideways, totally beat up, completely worn out, utterly exhausted and jump off my tractor and loudly yell, "Wow, this is what it took to feed a nation!"

  2. #2
    Join Date
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    Travis,
    Let me be both blunt and brief.

    Solve your own problems before you take on those of someone else.
    Jim D.
    Adapt, Improvise, Overcome!

  3. #3
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    Adding another stress isn't going to help your family. Giving a family to a child who needs one is important, but making sure your child keeps hers is more important.

    With everything you've got going on, I say take the class, wait a year or two, and then if you both are comitted to becoming foster parents, go forward.

  4. #4
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    Travis, I think that you are going to get pretty much the same response from most here. You should be lookng at solveing your own issues before taking on someone elses.
    Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES..... NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS...............

  5. #5
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    Agree with others. This is not the time to be doing something like that. Plus, as much as most foster children need care and loving, they can be stressful beyond imagination. To say they come with "baggage" is a gross understatement. A foster child could destroy your home. Not now.
    "Folks is funny critters."

    Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too. ~Voltaire

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jim DeLaney View Post
    Travis,
    Let me be both blunt and brief.

    Solve your own problems before you take on those of someone else.
    Ditto
    The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.
    William Arthur Ward

  7. #7
    Travis,
    Your heart is in the right place. But remember, you just finished a very large addition to your home. It sounds like you and Patty could use some time together. It may be something to keep in the back of your mind for the future.

    FWIW,
    Wes

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frank Fusco View Post
    Agree with others. This is not the time to be doing something like that. Plus, as much as most foster children need care and loving, they can be stressful beyond imagination. To say they come with "baggage" is a gross understatement. A foster child could destroy your home. Not now.
    What Frank said... Been there, done that and barely survived, emotionally, financially and professionally. Some of these kids have some serious problems, you have no idea what they can be capable of. Even a solid marriage can be strained to the limits and then some.

    Mike

  9. #9
    Maybe wade in slowly and be a Big Brother. I think service to others is a great way to help our own problems.
    Yeah some of these kids have serious problems. Some of them just need a chance too. Most things worth doing aren't easy.
    I'm an adopted kid and you are right ... it was a sacrifice for my mother. I put her through alot but she never told me she wouldn't of done it again.

  10. #10
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    Travis,

    I am thrilled that you and your wife are 'coming out of it' as you put it. Congratulations for hanging in there and making a commitment to make it work. How very important that is to your daughter, your wife, and yourself. But like any wound that is healing, the area is quite tender for a while, and often leaves some scar tissue that might even impair functionality down the road. That is probably more true with trust issues and emotional issues than any other.

    Take time to heal. Learn to enjoy the relationship you three have built. Expand on it. Being a Big Brother will be challenge enough, if that is what you are looking for. Being a foster parent because you were a foster child is noble but do remember what you put your foster parents through and pause before jumping in. Your wife would have to bring unbridled enthusiasm to this project for it to have chance to work. And the foster child does not need to yet again learn that adults claim to care, but when the tough times come, they really don't care about them (the foster kid) enough to hang in there.

    Being a Big Brother yourself is a commitment that your wife might be able to accept and understand. But when the day is done, you get to come home, and the child returns to their home. Doesn't mean that good didn't happen. Maybe the best happened for that child and you were part of that.

    Tread softly, gently, and carefully. This group cares about you and yours. Because you have been open and honest, we also have to be honest with you. Please take our suggestions as they are offered - because we care.

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