Teaching Skinny Dippers a Lesson

Does anyone really read my long posts? Re-read my last line and you will see that I never meant any disservice to any veteran. I am being taken out of context yet again.

Travis Johnson said:

Now I won't bash any family for coming along after the American Revolution, I just think if you look at my family history as I do, I think you would be very proud of them too.

Click to expand...

Travis, I have no quibbles with your math skills. At most I think it would have been a minor funny if I'd been paying attention then.

But this quote above has me puzzled. Did you mean that if we looked at YOUR family history, or was that a typo and did you mean for us to look at OUR OWN family history?

Probably most of us have pretty cool stories in our own family background. My own folks are post-WWII immigrants from Holland. I remember a story of how my Grandpa got up one night and put his two oldest (my mom and her brother) on his bike, which had garden hoses for tires, since real bike tires were pretty much gone by then, and biked them out of town to an aunt/uncle in the country who could look after them better than he could in a German occupied town.

Oh well. I still thought the skinny dipping was a funny story.

best wishes,
...art

I would never value the service of any person who ever served this country in wartime, no matter what century,any less or more than any other person who served when asked.

I'm sure I'll regret posting this, but I feel compelled to say that Greg's comment was uncalled for. If you've got a problem with someone, please just say it to them directly.

Well Travis, my mother is a big time Genealogists, she has actual records for my family going way way back. My family came to Canada and the US before either country existed, one of my distant relatives received the Victoria Cross in the UK......

All history, certainly something to be proud of, but for me, I think more about how I personally conduct myself in my daily life, and if I live up to the high standard set by my parents and grandparents.

Hey all,

How did we go from the joking about and the fun of skinny dipping to 'who is more patriotic than whom'? Razzzzzzz. As my friends from SC would say, ya'll are takin yourselves waaaay serious around here.

Or is that h'yah?

Lighten up, sheesh...

--MJ

Well I just read this post and i tend to agree with MJ. How does a simple joke get so out of hand. I would think that everyone should just take a step back and take a deep breath and grab a bit of restraint. Talk about hi-jacking a post !! Chill out guys !!

On MJ's suggestion...

There was this city guy that was walking down this country lane when he happened upon a well. Peering over the well he saw that there was water in it but it was down pretty deep. Deciding that if he dropped something heavy into the well, he could count the seconds until the splash was heard and he could tell how far down the water was.

For a few moments he looked around the area and finally found an old engine block. With a big smile he knew that the heavy engine block would make a big splash, and with the giddiness of a kid, struggled to push the engine block to the edge of the well.

As it tumbled over the edge, it fell for a second or two then there was this huge splash. No sooner had the splash reached his ears when this sheep came roaring out of the bushes, leaped over the edge of the well and fell in. The man was stunned. This all happened so quick that it scared him. A few minutes later this farmer came by and asked the man if he had seen his sheep.

"Yeah," the man said, "I was looking in this well when your sheep rushed out of the bushes and leaped into the well."

"Well I know that is a lie," the farmer said, "because I had the sheep chained up to an engine block."

Now that there was funny.

To bring the thread back onto it's off-topicness, I'm glad this wasn't Scott's own story. I don't know if I would have been able to resist posting, "No pics..." if it was his own story.

Been awhile since I've seen a good pic of a Texas alligator!

A piece of string walks into a bar and orders a drink The bartender thinks this is a little strange, but serves him anyway. After awhile the string starts getting rowdy, so the bartender ties him into a granny knot and tosses him out the door.
A few minutes later, after getting himself mostly straightened out, the string returns.

"Hey, aren't you that rowdy piece of string I just tossed out of here?" The bartender asks?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
."No, I'm a Frayed knot." says the string

Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'

'It is!'

'This is the Tax Dept. Can you help us?'

'I can!'

'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'

'I do!'

'Is he a member of your congregation?'

'He is!'

'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'

'He will.'

thin skinned and thick headed

and kant her nuttin but i did siffer your comment travis about typun fast and not gittin the letrs right,, i take full resposibilty of my finners and im better than used ta be typin skills,, 5 yrs agao you and toni woulda had to learn a whole nutter languge oh and take offense to your commints too!!!

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? One, but the bulb has to really really want to change

LOL, you guys are funny. I think a little off-topicness and joking was due. Thanks all for the great jokes!

Train tickets

Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only one ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an accountant."Watch and you'll see", answered an engineer.
They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective seats, but the three engineers all crammed into a rest room and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, "Ticket, please". The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on. The accountants saw this and agreed it was a quite clever idea.
So, after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers didn't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to ride without a ticket"? said one perplexed accountant."Watch and you'll see", answered an engineer. When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a restroom and the three engineers crammed into another one nearby. The train departed. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding.
He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please".

Classic!

Another train joke - I remember this one from a Reader's Digest some 20 or so years ago.

There were three businessmen on a train, a Cuban, a Russian and an American. After wrapping up an important deal making them all happy, the Cuban lights up a Havana cigar, takes one puff and then tosses it out the window. The American looks shocked and asks, "Why did you do that?" The Cuban responds, "In Cuba, these cigars are a dime a dozen, so it is a good way to celebrate!"

The Russian then opens a bottle of vodka, takes one swallow and then tosses the bottle out the window. The American once again looks shocked and asks, again, "Why did you do that?" The Russian replies, "In the fatherland, vodka is the only thing that is plentiful. Thus a good way to celebrate."

The American nods with a confused look on his face. He sits for a moment, then goes to ask his lawyer a question about the contract they all just agreed on and then promptly throws the lawyer out the window!

The same ending using Mark's favorite word

The American nods with a confused look on his face. He sits for a moment, then goes to ask his lawyer a question about the contract they all just agreed on and then promptly defenestrates the lawyer!

I had to Google that for the meaning. Funny.

The train jokes reminded me of an experience I once had in the U.K. and a standard joke for the time. (and maybe still today)
The joke is: "How do you tell (as in recognize) a Russian soldier on a train?"
Answer: "By the snow on his boots."
Meaning, the heating systems on European trains was so poor that a Russian solider could board a train in Moscow in the winter, ride across Europe, cross to England and ride up to Scotland and the snow would not have melted during the whole trip.
I once rode from London to Glasgow in the winter (1961) and can tell y'all, that train, supposedly heated, was so cold I can almost believe the story. Froze my feet and bippie the whole way.

Brains is funny. Like the math guy. One train story triggered an old, long buried memory.

What was Beethoven doing when they opened the coffin lid he was buried in?


















Decomposing.