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Thread: Abbot and Costello...... buying a computer

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2006

    Abbot and Costello...... buying a computer

    In today's world, Bud ABBOTT and Lou COSTELLO's famous sketch "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this....


    ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
    COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den
    and I'm thinking about
    buying a computer.

    ABBOTT: Mac?
    COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

    ABBOTT: Your computer?
    COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

    ABBOTT: Mac?
    COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

    ABBOTT: What about Windows?
    COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

    ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
    COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in
    the windows?

    ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
    COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer
    and software.

    ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
    COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can
    use to write
    proposals, track expenses and run my business. What
    have you got?

    ABBOTT: Office.
    COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend

    ABBOTT: I just did.
    COSTELLO: You just did what?

    ABBOTT: Recommend something.
    COSTELLO: You recommended something?

    ABBOTT: Yes.
    COSTELLO: For my office?

    ABBOTT: Yes.
    COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

    ABBOTT: Office.
    COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

    ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
    COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK,
    lets just say I'm
    sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal.
    What do I need?

    ABBOTT: Word.
    COSTELLO: What word?

    ABBOTT: Word in Office.
    COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

    ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
    COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

    ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
    COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you
    don't start with some
    straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies
    on the Internet?

    ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
    COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I
    watch is none of your
    business. Just tell me what I need!

    ABBOTT: Real One.
    COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel
    2, 3 & 4. Can I watch

    ABBOTT: Of course.
    COSTELLO: Great! With what?

    ABBOTT: Real One.
    COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a
    movie. What do I do?

    ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
    COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

    ABBOTT: The blue "1".
    COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?

    ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is
    COSTELLO: What word?

    ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
    COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for

    ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word
    in the world.
    COSTELLO: It is?

    ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other
    Words left. It pretty
    much wiped out all the other Words out there.
    COSTELLO: And that word is real one?

    ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One
    isn't even part of
    COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about
    financial bookkeeping?
    You have anything I can track my money with?

    ABBOTT: Money.
    COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

    ABBOTT: Money.
    COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

    ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer?
    COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

    ABBOTT: Money.
    COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

    ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
    COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer?
    How much?

    ABBOTT: One copy.
    COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

    ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.
    COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

    ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

    A FEW DAYS LATER . . .
    ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

    COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
    ABBOTT: Click on "START" .
    A very wise man once said.......
    "I'll take my chances with Misseurs Smith and Wesson. "

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Charlotte, NC
    Always loved that skit!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Wisconsin Dells, WI

    Help I've fallen and I can't get up.


  4. #4
    Steve Clardy Guest

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