For todays discussion.

[Paul Douglass]

Well we have sorted out the educational system. Pondered the work ethics or lack of, of the younger generation, So I thought I would post some things that may make you smile or frown, or maybe enjoy...


Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth. Amen.Texas prayer

We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. George Bernard Shaw

The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.

Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.

Happiness is not having to set the alarm clock.

When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

Just once, I want the prompt for username and password to say, “Close enough.”

Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.

If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed. We’re having a meeting.

“Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo".

Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?

I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. He’s 5 and it’s past his bedtime.

Today’s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.

Tip for a successful marriage: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she’s mowing the lawn.

So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?

I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

I decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

Old age is coming at a really bad time.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Now, I'm wondering . . . did I send this to you, did you send it to me or have I only sent one copy?

The Commandments for Seniors……
You don't need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.

Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.

"On time" is, when you get there.

Even duct tape can't fix stupid – but it sure does muffle the sound.

It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free...and three sizes smaller.

Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you.

"One for the road" means peeing before you leave the house.

 

[David Johnson]

AMEN!!!
David

 

[Chuck Ellis]

Hey, I resemble those!

I hate it when I meet someone my age that looks younger than me.

 

[Mike Stafford]

I am reminded of the old man who was constantly nagged by his daughter. The story goes something like this....

Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me AGAIN, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. "Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing?" I asked.
Talking about my "doing-something-useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.
She was "only thinking of me," she said, and suggested that I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the fellows.
I did this and when I got home last night, I decided to play a prank on her. I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a Parachute Club.
She replied, "Are you nuts? You are 86-years-old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"
I told her that I even got a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.
She immediately telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief, Dad, where are your glasses?! This is a Membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
"Oh man, I'm in trouble again," I said. "I really don't know what to do. I signed up for five jumps a week!!"
The line went dead.

 

[David Johnson]

That's my daughter for sure. Fit's her to a "t".
David

 

[Paul Douglass]

That is a good one... My daughter would laugh at me say, I could not handle one jump a week, let along 5!!

 

[allen levine]

good stuff

my 26 month grandson isnt very verbal, he says words, but mostly just sounding them out....like blue is bl and red us re,,,,,,instead os saying big, he just reaches his hands up to the sky , and that kinda stuff.

but, he takes my wifes iphone and scrolls with his tiny fingers until he finds the childrens show she has loaded on her phone he wants to watch, I sit and laugh all the time when I see his fingers scrolling the screen.