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Things are a schemozzle at my house...

Vaughn McMillan

Vaughn McMillan

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Well, you guys sound like you let your wife call all the shots around your house. Not me. When we got married I put my foot down and told mine I'm the boss around here and there's nothing she can do about it.

17 years later and I have almost completely regained full motion on my jaw, and the memory issues from the head injury have largely subsided. :rofl:
 
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Mike Stafford

Mike Stafford

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Vaughn McMillan said:
Well, you guys sound like you let your wife call all the shots around your house. Not me. When we got married I put my foot down and told mine I'm the boss around here and there's nothing she can do about it.

17 years later and I have almost completely regained full motion on my jaw, and the memory issues from the head injury have largely subsided. :rofl:
Click to expand...
At my house I wear the pants but she tells me which pants to wear. Sometimes I get dressed without her help and she will take a look at my ensemble and remark, "You are not going looking like that". At which point my response is, "Oh, these pants must have been next to the ones I was supposed to wear."

Not only do I wear the pants I also make all the important decisions. She does tell me which decisions are important however.
 
Chuck Ellis

Chuck Ellis

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Tellico Plains, Tennessee
Vaughn McMillan said:
Well, you guys sound like you let your wife call all the shots around your house. Not me. When we got married I put my foot down and told mine I'm the boss around here and there's nothing she can do about it.

17 years later and I have almost completely regained full motion on my jaw, and the memory issues from the head injury have largely subsided. :rofl:
Click to expand...
My grandfather said when he married Grandmother, he told her that he wore the pants in the family... She said "yes, you do, but I'll tell you which ones to wear."

And on the other size, heard this joke once.....
A rancher met a beautiful woman, married her and as they started home to his ranch, he was riding a beautiful stallion, she was on an equally beautiful mare...
as they rode along, the stallion tripped, fell and threw the rancher... he climbed up in the saddle and said "that's one."... as they rode along, the stallion stumbled and threw the rancher off again... he got up dusted off, climbed back into the saddle and said "that's 2".... a few miles later the stallion stumble again, throwing the rancher again.... he stood up, dusted off and said "that three".... pulled out his pistol and shot the horse.
The new bride was aghast and berated the rancher for his cruelty.... The rancher stood calmly, listened to her entire tirade, then said :That's one"
They have been married 40 years with never a cross word between them.
 
Mike Stafford

Mike Stafford

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Chuck Ellis said:
My grandfather said when he married Grandmother, he told her that he wore the pants in the family... She said "yes, you do, but I'll tell you which ones to wear."

And on the other size, heard this joke once.....
A rancher met a beautiful woman, married her and as they started home to his ranch, he was riding a beautiful stallion, she was on an equally beautiful mare...
as they rode along, the stallion tripped, fell and threw the rancher... he climbed up in the saddle and said "that's one."... as they rode along, the stallion stumbled and threw the rancher off again... he got up dusted off, climbed back into the saddle and said "that's 2".... a few miles later the stallion stumble again, throwing the rancher again.... he stood up, dusted off and said "that three".... pulled out his pistol and shot the horse.
The new bride was aghast and berated the rancher for his cruelty.... The rancher stood calmly, listened to her entire tirade, then said :That's one"
They have been married 40 years with never a cross word between them.
Click to expand...
When I first started reading your joke I thought you were going to tell the one about the horse rancher. You didn't so I will.

A prosperous and very successful horse rancher went to the big city and happened to meet a beautiful blonde woman. They immediately fell in love with each other and they married. After an extended honeymoon they went back to the ranch and lived happily together. She was content with riding horses and never involved herself in the business of the ranch.
One day her husband came to her and said, "I have to be away for a few days and the horse breeder is coming. I need you to show him which mare and where she is stabled."

So they walked together down to one of the stables. At the end of one side was the stall in which the mare was located. His wife looked around and said, "All the stalls look the same. How can I possible remember which one is which?" (She was beautiful but we must never lose sight of the fact that she is a blonde.)

The rancher thought of that and told her, "See the bent nail next to the hinge on the stall door? This is the only stall with a bent nail. Just show the breeder to the stall and he will take care of the rest."

So on the appointed day the breeder arrived and the blonde told him to follow her and she would show him the horse he was to breed. When they got to the correct stall she said, "This is the horse."

The breeder was an old cowboy and horse trainer and had quickly sized her up as a city girl. "How can you be sure this is the right stall?"

"See the bent nail next to the hinge?, she said. "My husband said that this stall was the only one with a bent nail next to the hinge."

"I see," said the old cowboy, "And what is the bent nail for?"

As she walked away the rancher's wife said, " I guess it's where you are supposed to hang your pants."
 
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Ryan Mooney

Ryan Mooney

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Chuck Ellis said:
as they rode along, the stallion stumbled and threw the rancher off again...
Click to expand...

That story just never sat right with me.

When I first heard that story years ago, my first thought was that maybe the rancher should have learned to ride a little better and that he sure as heck wasn't going to make it very far as a Rancher if he can't bother to take care of an animal at all. It's been a quarter century since I did a lot of riding but in my late teens/early twenties I was never thrown (by a horse.. bulls don't count..) although plenty of horses sure gave it their best try (I was thrown as a kid some... and I did intentionally bail off of a few horses when things were going decidedly sideways and it was really better for both of us if I wasn't up top). A simple stumble sure wouldn't have thrown me or anyone else I knew who actually knew how to ride. This was despite doing all sorts of wildly unsafe and kind of crazy things. I also don't claim the time I got both feet stuck in a sagebrush and face planted while practicing bouncing from one side of the horse to the other at a gallop as being thrown... although it did hurt a bit. I also never knew a horse that stumbled much that didn't have something wrong you needed to look at, that ain't cruelty that's just stupid and wasteful.

One of the old boys who was quite old when I was still young (we'll call him Lester because that was his name..) had moved to the north country from somewhere way down in the south after he came across a mule skinner viciously beating a lame mule with a whip. Lester unhooked the mule team and took the single tree off of the wagon and beat the fellow half to death with it for abusing an animal. He thought he'd killed him so figured he might as well have a little fun on the way out and shot up the town a little before making a run for the Canadian border some thousand miles away. Some years later he found out he'd only broken a few bones on the guy and at the time that wasn't even worthy of a warrant (plus most folks in town figured the fellow deserved it too) but by then he'd built a whole new life in the north country and never went back.

I reckon you can tell a lot about someone by how they treat their animals and how their animals respond to them. If their horse or dog don't trust them, I don't either.
 
Ted Calver

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I learned to ride English style. Dang near beat myself to death learning to post to trot. Came to appreciate western style, as posting is not frequently done...and western saddles have something to grab when your horse spooks at a crooked branch or chupacabra. My buddy had a couple of old horses we used to race around the pasture. He had an old cavalry saddle (McClellan style) that was one of the most comfortable I ever used. The strategically placed slot in the saddle saved wear and tear on certain parts of the anatomy, while providing extra ventilation. :rofl:

saddle-2.jpg
 
Ryan Mooney

Ryan Mooney

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My first saddle was a modified 1800's cavalry saddle (actually looking at pictures I think it was probably a modified civil war federal rangers saddle or maybe a WW1 mule saddle, no ventilation slot by the time I got it anyway) which was similar to that but not quite the same. My dad cut down the cantle which was originally quite high to provide support for lance charges, but was also dangerous if the horse flipped or jumped hard as it could break your back. Mine also had a horn added which was of the old metal "belly puncher" style so still not extremely safe. A lot of the old military saddles were pretty short so it worked ok for a kid hah. That was my saddle from around 2 until I was maybe 8 or 9 I guess.

I guess I'd have been 12 turning 13 or so by the time I was riding colts with an english saddle with no stirrups in the round pen. It was a good way to get the younger (2 year olds) used to someone on them without adding to much weight (light saddle and I sure didn't weigh much at the time). I didn't use stirrups because the thin english stirrups are pretty bad for getting you hung up in them if you do get tossed. I'd just grab hold fore and aft and hang on... it was exciting at least hah. Around the same timeframe one of my jobs was to run in all the horses from a couple miles up the field, I had a cheater strap which is basically a wide strap left just barely loose enough you can just tuck your knees under it and a blanket I'd use for that ride, not quite bareback but close. Kinda fun as we'd do a nice lope up the field and then a dead run back, about half way home we'd round the corner where you could see the corrals and the old reprobate I was riding always liked to duck his head and take a few big jumps. The first time he did that he almost lost me, but after that once I was a bit wiser and got hold with my off hand before we hit the corner and just let him have his fun.

The old cavalry saddle and my next western style saddle which was a slick fork roping saddle didn't have much for swells in the front. On either of them if I was going to be riding a horse I knew would buck I'd bundle my rain slicker up and tie it across the front instead of the back so I'd have something to tuck my legs in under. I said I didn't get tossed, never said I wasn't up to cheating a little if need be :D. I doubt it'd take to much relatively speaking to put me in the dirt now and I'm also sure it'd hurt a lot more than it did then. More likely to be out taking pictures of the garden I guess lol.

Posting was something I had to do with either kind, when you're out for a long enough ride (some of the trips up to move cattle were 10-14hr days, multiple days) there's a lot of walking and trotting mixed to cover the miles. Plus both of my folks had done a fair bit of dressage type training so there was more than a bit of style required or you got told a bit about what.
 
Brent Dowell

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When I was going to college in South Dakota, I had a girlfriend who's family raised rodeo stock. Went back to their ranch one weekend with her and let's just say, I don't think her dad liked me very much. Well, He gave me 'his' horse to ride. It was a big ole horse. Anyway, I rode him to help round up some bulls out of a big ole pasture they had. Once you got the bulls in close to the gate they started to get pretty frisky and one of the bulls turned and charged the horse I was on. Horse knew what was up and just reared up and let the bull pass by underneath. Well, That was fun.

Another time we went for a little ride just to get out and have a little fun. Came back to a gate and as I was getting ready to get off and open the gate, the horse decided to help me and bucked me clean off. Landed on my keister with nothing more hurt than my pride.

Come to think of it, That's probably the last time I've ever ridden a horse, lol.
 
Jay Caughron

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Mike Stafford said:
When I first started reading your joke I thought you were going to tell the one about the horse rancher. You didn't so I will.

A prosperous and very successful horse rancher went to the big city and happened to meet a beautiful blonde woman. They immediately fell in love with each other and they married. After an extended honeymoon they went back to the ranch and lived happily together. She was content with riding horses and never involved herself in the business of the ranch.
One day her husband came to her and said, "I have to be away for a few days and the horse breeder is coming. I need you to show him which mare and where she is stabled."

So they walked together down to one of the stables. At the end of one side was the stall in which the mare was located. His wife looked around and said, "All the stalls look the same. How can I possible remember which one is which?" (She was beautiful but we must never lose sight of the fact that she is a blonde.)

The rancher thought of that and told her, "See the bent nail next to the hinge on the stall door? This is the only stall with a bent nail. Just show the breeder to the stall and he will take care of the rest."

So on the appointed day the breeder arrived and the blonde told him to follow her and she would show him the horse he was to breed. When they got to the correct stall she said, "This is the horse."

The breeder was an old cowboy and horse trainer and had quickly sized her up as a city girl. "How can you be sure this is the right stall?"

"See the bent nail next to the hinge?, she said. "My husband said that this stall was the only one with a bent nail next to the hinge."

"I see," said the old cowboy, "And what is the bent nail for?"

As she walked away the rancher's wife said, " I guess it's where you are supposed to hang your pants."
Click to expand...
My Uncle used to tell that joke about me back when I was milking 200 head and I did all the artificial breeding
 
Chuck Ellis

Chuck Ellis

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I think Ryan took my joke a little too seriously... that was the way I heard the joke and was just repeating it.

When I was in my mid teens, I spent part of a summer with my dad's cousin and his youngest son on a ranch near Marquet, Tx.... he had a couple of horses, a roan that was a pretty good cow pony and a bigger black that was ok, but tended to stumble now and then if he had a rider... we rode bareback most of the time and I got pretty good a staying aboard. (When we let them back into the pasture, the black was as graceful as a deer)... he evidently just didn't like to be ridden. Jack (Dad's cousin) had a number of cows on the ranch, mostly Brahmas.... the red horse wasn't intimidated by the bulls or the cows... he pushed them where they were supposed to go.... I never tried to push with the black.
Only time I went off him was on one of our rides where we crossed a creek... he walked up to the edge of the creek, dropped both front feet down the embankment, ducked his head and dumped me over his ears into the creek.

Last time I was on a horse was about 35 years ago... I took my son to a guest ranch that his mother and I had visited before he was born... it up in the mountains of California just off the John Muir trail in Kings Canyon National Forest. It's a beautiful place to visit... but the original owners had passed away by then and all the rides were "guided", not like when the wife and I visited. Then you took a horse out, told the owners where you were going and about when you would be back, preferrably before they took the ramuda to the pasture for the night.
 
Mike Stafford

Mike Stafford

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Jay Caughron said:
I'm the KING of the house .....but I've been Neutered
Click to expand...
If your wife is in a bad mood try this.

Sit across from her. Take her hands gently in yours. Look deeply and lovingly into her eyes.

Softly say to her, "I am the man of the house."

Guaranteed to make her smile and/or laugh.

P.S. Do not follow that up with a request to make you a sandwich.
 
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