Wow, major life change....

Douglas Jones

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Portland, OR
Having just read Steve Ash's great news regarding his upcoming newest grandchild expected (and the need for another beautiful crib) makes me want to share and ask for opinions, experiences.

After 32 years of marriage, I found myself in a surprise divorce 3 years ago. We raised two wonderful daughters that are doing great and have 2 1/2 wonderful granddaughters.

Over the last several months, I have been dating a wonderful woman just a very few years my jr that has never been married and no children. I have recently asked her to marry me and be my partner for life and she has accepted. Hopefully we will pull this off this year.

The big news and questions comes from....we want to have a baby. We both love children and would like to raise another (or first) child. But, I'm 54 and can't help but to think....I'll be way retired (at least by age) and well into my 70's when he/she goes to college.

We are both in reasonably good health other than that American disease, obesity...but we are both actively working hard on that one.

She is 46 and certainly past that age upon which we consider to be the ideal time to bear child.

So, question is, has anyone here experienced a late in life birth and how did it go, or how is it going?

So much to do, so little time...we have to decide where we are going to live, either one or both of us are facing a relocation...she is doing a country wide search for a new job...I'm a self employed tax preparer so I can open shop anywhere. Shops to pack up, household stuff to consolidate...ceremony plans to figure out....

Life is good, about to get so much better, but I'm nervous as heck!

Doug
 
Doug,
congrats on finding that new special lady, and on getting engaged. I can't exactly speak to the later in life parenting thing exactly, as I'm only two years into my first marriage, but I can speak from observing my aunt & uncle. They met later in life, and both were on their second marriage and they had my cousin when my aunt was 46. It is working out very well for them. My cousin recently graduated from the Rhode Island School of Design and is living in NYC pursuing his career in the art world. My Aunt & Uncle are retired and enjoying their time together.
Take it for what it is worth, but the key issue that I can see is that you're together and are interested in starting a family. Kids don't know about parents' age... they just know you love them and are Mom & Dad, right?
 
We had a late in life daughter. I'll be happy to discuss my experiences. But, since this is such a personal subject, I think, off forum would be best. Write me, I'll share whatever I can, roses and thorns.
 
Doug,

Young James was born when I was 47. My wife, of course, is not a day over 29, and if any one says different, they can expect a flying frying pan! ;)

In fact, when James was born, she'd celebrated her 29th 14 times! ;)

These kinds of things *can* work out, but I do have three pieces of advice. One: make sure things are stable. Seriously. I mean, seriously! ;)

Second, get on the treadmill. Right now. At least an hour a day. Take it from me: there is *nothing* quite like chasing a four year old when you're in your fifties! ;) They say getting a puppy keeps an old dog young. Wrong! It just makes the old dog feel older! ;) You need to be in the best shape of your life. :thumb:

Three. Get ready to worry. There's a reason teens and 20 year olds reproduce. They have so much optimism, they can't see what a mess things are. Us oldsters know better. For instance, we know about things like actuarial tables. Like the song says: "The game of life is hard to play / I'm gonna lose it anyway." And, frankly, there's a one in three chance I'll fold 'em before James gets out of college. If the thought of that doesn't turn your hair gray, I don't know what will! ;)

Good luck! And congratulations! Life is good!

Thanks,

Bill
 
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dont have to worry about that but from i see of myslef now,, i coudnt do it if had to.. my patience for the children of today that arent behaved is zero and if mine became one i would be in big trouble.. what we used to be able to do in younger years in the discpline department has been changed dramatically byt todays standards and laws.. i know of one family that had a girl at 50 and she was 48,, they had a hard road dealing with the child at the begining but got lots of help from the freinds and neighbors. after they got a handle on it they were fine but they were strong in the church and the church i am sure helped them threw the younger years of it the stress involved.. but the girl turned out well and the rest of the family as well.. but i agree with bill lantry those 3 things are utmost in importance. perhaps adpotion ot foster care would be a better possibilty??/:dunno:
 
Bill brought up the worry factor. I understand that well.
I have written to Doug off forum but will add a thought here.
I was 48 and wife 43 when our daughter was born. When she was ten our (then) 27 year old son died suddenly of natural causes. It was hard to let the girl out of our sight without worrying we would never see her alive again. It was an unnatural stress we still live with. Worry? Some folks don't know the meaning of the word.
 
I never knew what the meaning of life was until I had a child. The meaning of life is to create life, and once you have done that, you will never look back and ask "why or if", you will just be glad you did.

By the way it matters little if they are biological, adopted or foster kids. I was closer to my adopted sister Trisha then I ever was my biological sister or brother, but unfortunately she was killed in an auto accident on October 9th, 2004. I never regret having little Alyson, but I do wish my Grandfather and sister could have seen her.

Myself, I can only hope I live long enough to see Alyson's children. Grandson, Granddaughter...I don't care about the gender. Just watching My Dad, Alyson and I walk across the pasture feeding our sheep was special. I would like to do the same.

My Uncle once said, "When it's all said and done,and the coffin goes in the ground, it's the farmer that is the richest man of all." Now I don't think he was talking about the value of his livestock, his land, his buildings or his tractors. He was talking about a lifestyle, and much of that lifestyle can be attributed to working with family.

Have children, through fun, adoption or foster care...you will never regret it.
 
Upside to being an older father. At various school events where parents were supposed to attend, I enjoyed looking at the shapely 25 year old mothers. I was often the only father in attendance. Fathers don't participate in their children's lives much anymore.
BTW, I'm married and faithful but not blind. ;)
 
Oh yeah, one more thing. My parents have 9 kids. Three of us were biological and the other 6 were adopted. My oldest brother is 38 and my youngest sister is 8. At 61 years old, that means my dad will be 71 years old when she graduates. That's pretty old, but I don't think he really cares.

Of course our view on life is slanted. We love kids. That is why they were foster/adoptive parents and why my wife and I are foster parents now.
 
All I can tell you is that a Loooooooong time ago, (since I'm 70 today), I dated a girl for a while whose Dad was a Rancher, and he was 68 and his wife was 47 when they had their last child and it sure worked out fine for them. Get in GOOD shape though, because as I'm sure YOU already know, they will sure keep you young trying to keep up with them.:D
 
Douglas, congratulations on the upcoming marriage. I know the biological clock is ticking, but you know what, it is ticking for all of us we just sometimes fail to remember that! I agree with the get in shape thing, it will do a couple of things for you, one; be able to keep up for a while with the young'un, two; surely extend your natural life expenctancy. My wife and I had our daughters when in our late 20's, no guarantee that we would live to see them grown (the reason for a good will and people that agree to care for your child in the event of an accident). The world always can use another baby raised in a good home by good parents and knows right from wrong.
 
Congrats on the engagement.

I would make an appointment with a doctor and make sure your new bride is "OK" having children at her age and condition. Make sure before you jump into late parenthood for the sake of your wife and the possible child.

Good luck.
 
Since this thread has resurfaced...update time.

First, thank you all for your input, and Frank, thank you so much for the messages we traded, very helpful.

Well, we have made at least one move. Maxine was flown to Oregon Oct. 4th for a week long visit and by the end of the week, we were packing up my belongings, canceled her return flight, and hit the road. What a country! We had absolutely beautiful weather, took our time (6 days instead of the planned 3!) and have now pretty much settled into her home in Michigan.

We are looking for a new home somewhere in the area, one with a great 40X60 HEATED shop has caught our attention...would be a great place to raise a child with the 2.5 acres attached....negotiations are such great fun...not! Can't wait to start stocking it with WW equipment if all goes well, Merry Christmas to me!

As for marriage, we are waiting until spring of 2009, hoping for warmer weather. Actually, we will probably head out to the Atlantic ocean coast line someplace so that we can have a small private ceremony and then spend our honeymoon diving....

So, other than not being able to do any wood working right now, life is good and getting better each and everyday.

Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, and a very great New Year to one and all!

Doug
 
Douglas, very uplifting report. Congratulations to both of you. With the other variables you told me about, I'm delighted with the way things are turning out for you. Keep us updated. :thumb:
 
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