Those of you with young daughters...

Art Mulder

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I've got a young daughter, who is all of 8. And as I look around at this world full of airbrushed advertising and silicon-enhanced starlets I hope and pray that she grows up as well grounded as her mom.

So I was quite interested when someone pointed out this video to me last week. Sure, it's from Dove, but it is still an interesting commentary on the messages that our world is sending to girls...


...art
 
I've got a young daughter, who is all of 8. And as I look around at this world full of airbrushed advertising and silicon-enhanced starlets I hope and pray that she grows up as well grounded as her mom.

So I was quite interested when someone pointed out this video to me last week. Sure, it's from Dove, but it is still an interesting commentary on the messages that our world is sending to girls...


...art

Mine is only 4 but I worry about this too. Her mom is also very grounded when it comes to things like this, but I know we will have times when our daughter will need to be reminded of how natural beauty is much more beautiful!

I was just dicussing this with a friend who has a 6yr old daughter who is already asking to wear makeup and outfits adults shouldn't wear in public IMO, because "all her friends do". He and I made plans on how we will great the first boy to take our daughters out on a date...I already feel sorry for those boys! :D
 
Fantastic!

I'm going to show this to both of my daughters!

They are 15 and 13 and are just starting to get into buying clothes and stuff, but I think their mother and I have grounded them fairly well, but, at some point it has to come from themselves.

Great post Art, thanks!:thumb:
 
Having raised one daughter (very successfully, IMHO, thank you.), I advise stop worrying. The worst thing you can do is make an issue of these matters. You will only create curiosity. Young people are getting more information from their friends than you will ever be allowed to know. 'talks' invariably fall on deaf ears.
A strong, loving, family relationship is what is needed. While there are unfortunate exceptions, young people grow up just fine despite their parents best or worst efforts to influence the outcome. My daughter competed in hundreds of (beauty) pageants from the time she was in grade school. Many people would consider this a terrible thing. I had doubts but learned that the participation taught her confidence and reality. (sometimes they lose and have to deal with that reality) Never did she lose sight of the reality, and phoniness, of the situation. She turned those experiences into the ability to speak to people, individually and on the stage to thousands. (she was on the platform and helped introduce a presidential candidate last year)
I know my advice is usually dismissed by concerned parents who feel they must "do something" but I stick by it. Be there for those times when counsel is sought, keep the family healthy in all ways. And, most of all, the hardest part, don't sweat it.
 
I d have to agree frank, you have to trust the way you brought up your kids and have faith you did a good job, the rest falls into place.
Knowing the life I led as a young adult, Im suprised my kids turned out so great.
 
I d have to agree frank, you have to trust the way you brought up your kids and have faith you did a good job, the rest falls into place.
Knowing the life I led as a young adult, Im suprised my kids turned out so great.

Allen, that last line is one I've concerned myself with...but in the end I grew out of all that and turned out close to what my parents had hope for, I think. :huh: And they tell me I'm doing a pretty good job being a parent too. :)

Frank, very thoughtful points to parenting. My parents did similar for me, no beauty pagents ;), but they were there when I needed them even at times they probably didn't want to be. :eek:
 
There is a Christian song playing on the radio these days called "There could never be a more beautiful you" That talks a lot about girls and looking at the magazines and saying they should look that way.
I'm not a parent, so I'll not say how I think things should be done. But my parents taught us right from wrong, sometimes making the point come home with a branch off the Mimosa tree when we forgot the rules. :doh: As a teen, I had general rules, mainly to call if I was going somewhere and if I was going to be late. I was taught to respect others, especially the opposite sex. I made it to adulthood without major problems. So I guess my parents did pretty good! Jim.
 
i raised a pair of them females, and they fit in to the harness almost as good as most boys did..:) had one that would rather wear coveralls than a dress.. even up into college.. but the real world slowly made her change to wearing dressy stuff.. the other one never got to preppy either ,. they turned out ok and like frank, i kinda let them learn from what we said our views were and they kinda figured it was easier to live that way rather than another.. never told them they couldnt get new duds but my better half held the reins and they had some close friends that allowed then to see the outcome of free reinun with no repurcussion so they learned from example both us and others.
 
I dont know quite what to say. I almost turned off the video half way through because it was making me quite angry, I'm glad I watched it all the way through because the message was not what I expected it to be. Kudos to dove !!

I raised 1 son and 5 daughters. I now have 3 granddaughters and 7 grandsons. Being a very protective Dad (as well as a pretty big guy) I was without a doubt the most feared man in the world by local high school boys.:eek: I had no problem with taking my daughters date aside and explaining to him very clearly what the rules were for taking MY daughter out.

I also took my son aside and explained to him how a gentleman treats a lady.

As hard as my wife and I tried to bring our children up to have self confidence, self esteem, good morals, good character, love of family, God and country. There always seemed to be someone/company who is out to make a buck by undermining family values. The pressure put on parents and kids by the print media, television and movies to me is disgusting. Kids are growing up way too fast today and are being subjected to things that they have no real understanding of.

The end result is as always, you do your best to bring your children up right and hope that they make proper decisions.

I wish that we could bring back the 1950's where it seemed that parents ideas of moral values were more important than wall streets.
 
I have no kids, but I believe that it is mainly the parents responsability and choice.

I do not know there in US but here some stupid girls from stupid wealthy parents ask for a new pair of boobs as a price if they pass college exams.

The worst thing to me is that they get them, just because their parents do not want to be bothered in saying "NO" or because they think that that is all the girl needs to be successfull in this world, instead or learning a career.
 
Having raised one daughter (very successfully, IMHO, thank you.),....

I wish that we could bring back the 1950's where it seemed that parents ideas of moral values were more important than wall streets.

I was born after the 50s, so all I know of it is the sort of 'idealized' view we get from old movies and so on... but I think Bob has a point.

Frank, I grew up in the 70s, and I see way way more of this now than when I was a kid. Boob jobs are common. Tattoos are everywhere. Piercing is way up -- Heck, I remember when getting a double ear piercing (early 80s) was considered unusual. Photo retouching is FAR easier now than it was in the days before photoshop. The fashion magazines are racier now also, I think.

I'm glad your kids turned out right, Frank, but I still think there is value in being aware of what is out there and the impact it can have. :thumb:
 
...I grew up in the 70s, and I see way way more of this now than when I was a kid. Boob jobs are common. Tattoos are everywhere. Piercing is way up -- Heck, I remember when getting a double ear piercing (early 80s) was considered unusual. Photo retouching is FAR easier now than it was in the days before photoshop. The fashion magazines are racier now also, I think.

I'm glad your kids turned out right, Frank, but I still think there is value in being aware of what is out there and the impact it can have. :thumb:

I don't dispute what you're saying at all, Art, and I don't have kids, so I'm not really qualified to have any opinions. But I have 'em anyway. ;) I'll start by saying I'm glad I'm not trying to raise a kid in today's world. It's a busy, confusing, and conflicted world out there. But I'm real leery of the extreme ends of any ideological spectrum. I think sheltering a kid too much as just as harmful in the long run as letting a kid run amok and do whatever they want. (I'm not implying at all that you're at either end of that spectrum, BTW. Just expounding on your comments.)

Just to play devil's advocate...what is the real harm in tattoos? Or piercing, or bright green hair? In our day in the '70s, we were rebels with long hair, bell bottoms, and music that our grandparents thought was obscene. But we turned out alright for the most part. My sister's kids and their friends, now all adults, were a bunch of baggy-panted skateboard and video game punks listening to death metal and hardcore rap. With a few exceptions, they've grown up into good people with decent careers ahead of them, including a few in the military.

I'm a living example of what Frank was talking about. I was somewhat of a hell-raiser kid. I was never arrested (despite a few brushes with the police), but by the time I was 16, I'd been in plenty of trouble, ranging from shoplifting, truancy, drugs and more. This was despite my parents' best efforts, and trust me, I have two of the finest parents a kid could hope for. They made rules, set boundaries, and enforced both. They taught by example. They did their darnedest to show me what they considered the right way, but (and it's a big but) they also gave me enough freedom (rope) to learn on my own (hang myself), even when it pained them to watch. I was an adult by the time I got my first tattoo and the first piercing in my ear, and was in my 40s when I got the second of each, so I even carried some of my rebelliousness into adulthood. (Heck, I still do, and I have no regrets about that.) But all in all, I think I ended up being someone my folks are proud of. I was fortunate that they had the self-restraint to not over-react to my behavior, and still had the wherewithal to try to steer me in the correct direction.

My point in all this is that each generation will come up with new and improved ways to shock the previous ones. Parents will always be appalled at something their kids or their friends do. But as long as the parents provide an living example of "doing the right thing", most kids will eventually pick up on the idea and follow suit in their own way. I think in a way, that's what the Dove advertisement you linked to is saying.
 
well vaughn,, you are a purty good speaker yourself:) i have seen the sheltered lifestyle in my brothers kids..went to a church school till high school and they were restricted from many things, when they had to get involved in the real world they were lost for almost two years struggled in school and thought the world had collapsed. they are now acclimated and one of them is my best bud..tattooed no earrings but we have done things and just missed the official meet and great as well... so you do need to let them try there wings.. or they will never learn to fly. but a little guidance isnt bad either.
 
I can imagine down the road, maybe in 20 or 30 years, two old farts, tatted up and full of piercings sitting in the mall, watching the teenagers walk by and one turns to the other and says......

"...would you look at that kid, not ONE piercing and NO tats at all...... :eek: what is the world coming too....... :dunno: "

:D :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
 
I was born after the 50s, so all I know of it is the sort of 'idealized' view we get from old movies and so on... but I think Bob has a point.

Frank, I grew up in the 70s, and I see way way more of this now than when I was a kid. Boob jobs are common. Tattoos are everywhere. Piercing is way up -- Heck, I remember when getting a double ear piercing (early 80s) was considered unusual. Photo retouching is FAR easier now than it was in the days before photoshop. The fashion magazines are racier now also, I think.

I'm glad your kids turned out right, Frank, but I still think there is value in being aware of what is out there and the impact it can have. :thumb:

I have to agree with your last sentence very much. We have friends, and see quite a few more, who home school their children. Invariably (and I do mean almost 100% of the time) these children are seriously socially retarded. Most eventually turn out OK but only after years of embarrassment and struggle. Some go the rebellion route.
Maybe I've sermonized too much already. Dunno. :dunno:
But, I'll toss in a couple more thoughts. Children do not come with guarantees. I have seen good families whose children turned out serious losers. And, we all probably have seen kids coming from the most deprived and challenging backgrounds who succeed as outstanding people and citizens.
I don't believe in censorship, the world must be experienced to understand it.
 
Vaughn, I need to apologize. I dashed off that paragraph in a bit of a hurry and I think I muddied the waters by mentioning tattoos and piercings. I should have stopped at the boob jobs and racier images in fashion mags.

What I think is the point of the dove video, is that our girls are bombarded with messages out there as to how they need to lose weight, exercise more, apply this or that skin product, do this to their hair, dress like this, expose that, and so on and so on, in order to be considered attractive. As parents I think we should be prepared and aware of this.
 
Art,

I don't have girls, thank goodness! ;)

So I'm not qualified to give any advice. One thing I know for certain, though, I would hate to go back to the 1950's. The idea that things were better then is quite simply false. Lots of ugly stuff went on then that we tend to forget in the fog of nostalgia.

But be careful of mixing messages. Yes, the video you picked is interesting, and has much to say about self-image, but it's also mixed up with other things. You could quickly get branded as an old fuddy-duddy, and marginalized.

This one, from the same campaign, is actually better, and speaks more directly to self-image

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYhCn0jf46U

What human being could live up to that?

Thanks,

Bill
 
if you dont want your daughter to see ads or read the internet, you have to lock her up in a basement, self school her, not permit her to have friends, never show her a tv, never expose her to the internet, and so on.

they are going to read, see and if theres something out there, trust me, her friends will fill her in if she misses it.
they start very young, girls are super intelligent these days, and pick up and understand things in my experience way earlier than boys.
I never tried to stop my daughter from finding out about something if she wanted too, shed do it eventually, like every kid.
what I did, was offer her sound advice as to my opinion on touchy subjects, listen to what she had to say, tried to steer her in what I thought was the right direction, educate her, but never limit her own curiosity cause one day, they will leave, they grow up, and the more well rounded, wordly a child is, the more shot they will grow up intelligent and unswayed by all the nonsense around them. they will have their own minds, minds that have been influenced by the right people, parents, grandparents, all positive input.
girls are tough, no question about it.
Id drill my daughter every time she went out with a boy, I never drilled my son other than to ask where she lives or whats her name.
I know how wrong that probably was, but fathers are very protective of their daughters, but still have to let them make their own mistakes, just keep an eye on them and make sure they understand that if they touch a hot stove, they will get burned.
sorry for the slight drift.
 
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