Matt Warfield
Member
- Messages
- 167
- Location
- Cedar Rapids, IA
I'll add a little story and see how other people respond.
I have a friend who's helped me a great deal, and is always "available" if I need something. The other day, he asked me for something which required me to go out of my way to satisfy his request. I was talking with my wife about it and I told her, "Robert has helped me a lot so I want to stay on his good side."
She got kind of indignant and said, "Don't you ever just do something for someone without thinking of what you're going to get in return?"
I replied, "Men keep score."
What I meant is that I feel an obligation when someone has helped me, and I expect another person to feel the same way. If I've been helping you, and then I ask you for help in return and you refuse (without a good reason), it'll likely be the last time I help you.
Do you share that "ethic"? Or do you just do good deeds and not "keep score"?
Mike
I understand where you're coming from Mike. One of my very best friends has always been there for me even when I didn't know I needed help. Early in our friendship, I always asked what I could do in return. He'd respond "in return for what?" It was completely foreign to me that friends would give freely simply because it was the way they were. There came a point where I realized that I could never begin to put a value on what he's given to me and I stopped considering it. In return, I treasure every opportunity I can help him, and his wife for that matter. They're a great couple and I'd do anything for them without any expectations of receiving in return. Why? Because they're my friends. I also find that attitude overflowing into other areas as I try to be generous with my time and help others without expecting anything other than knowing they're life is just a little bit easier. To sum it up, I've learned that keeping score was a burden that kept me from being a better friend to those I considered friends and a better citizen to those in my community.