The New Guy

So I decided I needed to hire another worker... two applicants had written an aptitude test and I was informing the second person that the first person would be hired.
"There were ten questions, we both answered nine right, how come he got the job?" he asked.
"Well" I replied, "You both missed number five, but he answered, "I don't Know", & you answered, "Neither do I".
.....................................

So I send my new help to the lumberyard...
"Need twenty 4 X 2's," he says to the yardman.
"Guess you mean 2 X 4's" he grins, "How long do you want them?"
"Dunno for sure, but it will be a while, he's building a garage"
.....................................

As we start the framing, I notice he's throwing away about every other nail.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"The heads are on the wrong end" he replies.
I stare at him in total disbelief, and then it hit's him...
He say's..."I'm such an idiot, I need to save them for the other side, correct?".
......................................

So I decided to just work him in the shop...
"Your first job will be to sweep up the sawdust" I said, while handing him a broom.
"Look I'm practically a university graduate" he protested.
I replied "No problem, I'll show you how".
 
Would be hilarious if it weren't so true.

Had a student, true story, stop by my farm during spring break. I am cleaning a calf pen in the pony barn. In my barns, you dig manure using a pitchfork, no fancy skid steers(they wouldn't fit, ask Larry). Anyway, he hangs around and makes small talk. Could tell something was on his mind. Finally I ask him if something is wrong, he says, "Mr. Shively, why do you store all this in here?" :rofl::rofl:

Another true story. Get done with our cattle section in Animal Science. Have a class at the farm we are haltering bottle calves, Jersey steers. We get done with the day's ativities and a girl asked me, "Mr. Shively, what are you going to do with these calves?". I replied we were going to feed them out then butcher them. She said, "when you butcher these calves, will you get meat or milk?" :doh::doh: I had to go back and look, she got a B average on her bookwork in the cattle section. We just don't teach relevance much anymore.
 
Would be hilarious if it weren't so true....

LOL, Sad, but great stories...:thumb:
One of my neighbors came over when I was wiring up my garage/shop..he's one of those types who always has a 'better' way of doing things...anyways, I have him open a new box of romex wire and ask him to hand me the end of the cable...As I grab it from him I began to shake & shimmy as though I was being electrified and hollered for him to shut it off, shut it off...he was freaking out turning the box over in all directions claiming "I can't find the switch"..I almost peed myself from laughing so hard.
 
...As I grab it from him I began to shake & shimmy as though I was being electrified and hollered for him to shut it off, shut it off...he was freaking out turning the box over in all directions claiming "I can't find the switch"...

That sounds like something I'd do. :rofl: (The shake and shimmy part, that is. If I was in your neighbor's shoes, I'd have known there's no switch on the box...I'd be reaching for the wire cutters to cut the Romex.) :p
 
:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
A few years ago we were watching TV and one of those California cheese commericals was on. After it was over, my daughter (extreme blonde!) had a puzzled look on her face. I said what's wrong sweetie? She said I'm trying to figure out how cows make cheese. I still ask my wife to put her back in to fix her...no luck yet :rolleyes::rolleyes::doh:
 
My first roommate out of college was the daughter of Uncle Milton...the inventor of the Ant Farm. She was not all that bright. I had to show her how to use an iron one day. But the one that topped it all was when she called out from the kitchen, "Sharon, the stove is not working". I went in there and saw a burnt match in her hand. We lived in an all electric apartment :doh::doh::doh:

A week later, when I was cleaning out the kitchen and stove, I found several burnt matches under one of the burners :dunno::dunno:

Glad I lived to tell about it :rofl::rofl::rofl:
 
girl asked me, "Mr. Shively, what are you going to do with these calves?". I replied we were going to feed them out then butcher them. She said, "when you butcher these calves, will you get meat or milk?"

Seriously!?
:bonkers: :thud: :stupid:

My Cousin-in-law reported a few months ago about her daughter finally grasping the connection between the chicken on her plate and real chickens... But she at least had the defence of being just 2-and-a-half... :eek:
 
My wife and I were stationed in Okinawa while I was in the Army. Another young couple there was from Boston. She was always making fun of us "hicks from Nebrasker" Yes....she called it Nebrasker. Anyway, I told her our first television was coal powered and she asked if it was color or black and white.
 
:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
A few years ago we were watching TV and one of those California cheese commericals was on. After it was over, my daughter (extreme blonde!) had a puzzled look on her face. I said what's wrong sweetie? She said I'm trying to figure out how cows make cheese.

When I was in my early teens, I lived with my dad and Grandma for a couple of years... Grandma bought raw milk in a glass gallon jug from a local farmer... one day my "city" cousins came to visit and as we were sitting down to breakfast, Gramma offered the girls some milk... they said no they only drank homogenized milk out of carton ... so Gramma poured milk from her jug into a carton she had handy and then into their glasses... they were both happy and only one of them was a blonde....... :dunno::rofl::rofl:
 
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