gift dillema

Frank Fusco

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12,782
Location
Mountain Home, Arkansas
I'm usually not one to get concerned with my status in life. My jobs and activities have often brought me into contact with the rich, famous and powerful. I have always treated them like they were normal people. If I wasn't good enough for them (very rare for the truly rich and powerful) I would just walk away.
However, next year we may have a situation that could prove embarrassing and akward for me and my wife.
Her nephew is getting married. That is the easy part. The complication comes from the fact that his parents are quite wealthy. And, he is a highly successful corporate merger financing whiz. His bride to be comes from one of America's wealthiest families. They own eleven homes, I think that is just in the U.S., might be more overseas. Her father footed the bill for the start up of one of the most famous on-line entities in the world.
Enneyhow, then there is us living on SS and a few bucks a month selling what I don't turn into sawdust.
Just making the out of state trip in our 2003 Focus will be a major financial burden. The servants at the event will probably be wearing wristwatches that cost more than my net worth.
Then there is the requisite gift. That is the part that is bothering me. What to get the (already) happy couple? They obviously do not need anything.
Aside from a private Carribean island, a private jet, etc. I don't have a clue what we can afford that they might appreciate and will use.
Right now I'm considering making a pair of pens on the order of Gentlemen or Jr. Gents from stabilized white Holly (think ivory-like) and possibly a bowl. My forte is not bowls but this might be motivation to really try to do something special. I'm sure my wife will not approve, simply because it is my idea and something I'm making. Oh, well.
What would you do?
 
Frank,I'd think the hand made pens would be a fantastic idea.

Truly something special that the rest of the crowd would not be able to provide.
 
Given the situation, a hand made item given in the spirit which I think you intend would be worth more than anything you might just buy for them. Folks I know who travel in those circles actually seem to de-value commonly available products no matter how fine because they are easily obtainable and therefor hold little value. The act of the giver is worth more to my friends than that which is given. The gift is between you and the happy couple, not for the approval of any bystanders. A product from your heart and hands could be better received than anything else I can think of. If not, as you said; "just walk away".
 
Frank, I have two very different suggestions. One would be an item made with your own hands. If you do this, no matter how nice it is, you have to be prepared for it to be under-appreciated. I have found that some of my well-to-do relations like getting something I've made, but only if there is already a fond relationship there.

The second option would be to make a modest donation to a charity in honor of the marriage. I've done this when facing similar gift giving dilemmas with wealthy relations with whom we weren't close. Either way works.
 
I was thinking some of your great pens as I was reading your post Frank, also, if you wish, have them engraved and make a nice presentation box:)
 
I agree with Ken W. A gift to charity is a great idea, and then the charity sends them a card saying that a gift was made in their name. and it can be a small gift. They'll never know.

Otherwise, something hand made would be great too. Not long ago I was faced with this issue with my SIL. My brother and SIL fall into the category you describe. So for her 40th bday I made her a quilt. I knew that there was nothing I could buy that they couldn't buy 100X better. No one can buy what I sweated over......So I would say pens or whatever you're comfortable making--a box, a plaque, whatever. I would much rather have something one of a kind made with care and consideration for me than something someone bought willy nilly no matter what the price tag. :thumb:
 
Thanks all. Gift idea still a work in progress. Pens will probably be part of it.
Private jet is out as an idea. Just learned the family already has several, big, really big, yacht also. :eek:
 
gotta go with steve on this one,, pens and a box or charity would work,, but if they arent friendly and if your gonna feel uncomfortable stay home and sip on glass of sweet tea and with your better half nothing is more sour than feeling unwanted and seeing it in there eyes..
 
Ditto on the hand made pens but I would have their names engraved in them. Also how about some wedding goblets with say captive rings in them??? Or you could make a platter & have their pics laser engraved in it???
 
Frank my 5 cents says first up this is your wifes nephew so he is family.
Now consider, why are you being invited. Not for the wedding present as is often the case with less well off people.
So you being invited as Aunt and Uncle Fusco.
Next they already would know your status you being family and all so i would totally ignore the issue in your own mind.
So what gift? Many have mentioned already they will recieve loads of "junk" that shortly after opening they will not be able to determine who have them it or ever use it.
But a hand made personal gift is in my view priceless to both you and them. I would make them a set of pens and get them engraved make a box to go with it for both pens.

Make the wood something more unique than hickory get some wood that would have a story to it of some history even if you have to put out a few bob for it. (oh bob = coins :)) After all for the pens its not like you need huge amount.
Approach them before the wedding, make a suggestion to them that you would like to give them these pens and would love it if they would consider using them in their signing ceremony at the wedding.
This would make the pens have special meaning and have a special memory to them. They need something to sign with and well no purchased instrument will have anything near the meaning.
Write up the story of the pens and insert it on a nice piece of paper inside the box for them to read.

My bet is they would be more than delighted to use Aunt and Uncle Fuscos fine handcrafted pen at the wedding and it would be one of the best gifts they recieve all day.

Sounds like they have all the money they need. What they need now is for family that care for them and not their money.

If they are so unapproachable that its not possible to get this suggested, then well i would stay home and sip sweet tea.

No one on the invite list is even thinking near this kind of idea for a gift with its value and meaning.

As to the charity thing, well to me thats like buying gift cards etc. If i gotta give something just for the sake of giving then i dont do it.

In my view the effort put into the gift and the thinking behind it demonstrates your care and your value of the relationship to the person. Thats pricesless.

Last year i organized for our sons hockey team parents to purchase a few of Macks fine pens and have them laser engraved with their names and a few other details relevant to the year.

When we got together at the restaurant to present them and we had the captain of the team do it, well the coach was all teary eyed and more than appreciative that his volunteer efforts did not go unnoticed.

Think about it many will attend this wedding for other than family reasons. When money like you mention is involved there are many differing agendas on the part of guests.

Your offer will bring it back to the primary motivation for inviting people to your wedding ......sharing with family and friends and witnessing the occassion.

Linda and i recently attended a wedding where the couple already had everything they needed, so she arranged for a couple of really nice champagne flutes to be engraved along with an engraved knife. They were used for their toast and to cut their cake. They told us that was the best present they recieved it meant a ton to them. They were one of the first couples we met upon arriving in Canada and our first Xmas here they gave us a special handmade ornament that they purchased and had personalized for us. This now has a special place on our tree and we think of them every year when we put the tree up and always go back to that moment.

Guess it all depends what kind of things this young couple are going to value. If its just $$$ in a bank account well good luck to them. If they will appreciate your pens well then they gonna be good family folk. ;)

Dont stress just do. Whats the worst that can happen, the good old salesman no. That at some stage gets followed by a yes. :)
 
Thanks all for supporting my idea. Pens it will be, possibly another hand made item or two also.
I will be going. As I mentioned, I have had occasion in the past (my past is interesting) to meet many very wealthy, famous and powerful people. Name dropping could sound rather obnoxious and Larry already thinks I am "too sophisticated" to associate with ordinary folks. :(
I have found the truly wealthy, famous and powerful to be as genuinely friendly and down to earth as you can get. There are exceptions, Barbara Streisand comes to mind :rolleyes: . It is the nearly-wealthy and other wannabes that are stuck up and obnoxious. I love handling them and (figuratively) putting them in their place. ["You were one of my mother's favorites when I was a child." or "I'm sorry you didn't get the part, what happened?"] Kick 'em in the ego. (can I say that here? ;) )
Enneyhow, I have met the kids, it is obvious they come from comfortable means but they are nice and I'm sure will be appreciative of our being part of their big day.
 
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