see if this works

PONDERISMS

1- I used to eat a lot of natural foods until
I learned that most people die of natural causes.

2- There are two kinds of pedestrians . . .
The quick and the dead.

3- Life is sexually transmitted.

4- Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate
at which one can die.

5- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

6- Health nuts are going to feel stupid
someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

7- Have you noticed since everyone has a cell phone
these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

8- Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

9- All of us could take a > lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

10- In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

11- How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

12- Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly
things and drink whatever comes out'? Hmmmmm, How about eggs ? . .

13- If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why
is there a song about him?

14- Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are
going to look up there anyway?

16- If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is
baby oil made from?

17- Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

18- Does pushing the elevator button more than
once make it arrive faster?

19- Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

20- Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?



keith b

Got this from my bro Keith thought i'd share.:)
 
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I like the elevator button one.
I always get a little chuckle from the impatient lugs standin there pressing that button like they know the more they press it, the faster it comes.
 
And just to carry this a bit further:

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build a crib but only one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"





 
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