Ran across some true to life humor

The Poodle

A wealthy old lady decided to go on a photo safari in Africa. She took her faithful pet poodle along for company.

One day, the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long the poodle discovers that he is lost.

So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The poodle thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now! Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here."

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the
trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That poodle nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes.

But the poodle saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?"

But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet...and just when they get close enough to hear the poodle says..."Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

"SOMETIMES BULL AND BRILLIANCE ARE THE SAME."

I had to delete 4 letters in the last line.
I must have really enjoyed this. I made a copy and filed it in my computer.

Enjoy,
JimB
 
Those Poodles are pretty smart dogs. I would have never admitted that until I had one. On my second one now, a standard, and she is even a lot smarter than my wife's little one was.
 
Good one, Jim. (And kudos on self-moderating the text.)

I'm not much of a small dog fan, but I'd take a standard poodle any day. Very intelligent animals. Plus, you can't do this with a lab or a German Shepherd...

Poodle%20Parrot%20600.jpg
 
I remember a duck hunting show from when I was a kid. I think they were in Chesapeake Bay for some reason, maybe further north. Anyway, the water was full of ice, huge stuff from hundreds of pounds to tons size chunks. Some of it was grand piano size. Rough water too. Putting any dog in that seemed insane plus it seemed impossible for a dog to find a duck once they hit the water working blind because of all the ice. They were using standard poodles as retrievers and it was working just fine!

Another popular use for standard poodles is personal protection. A lot of those froufrou looking dogs you see celebrities walking are attack trained. They may look silly but there is nothing silly but the hairdo on a working bred standard poodle. Some pretty big dogs too, at least as big as a lab or shepherd. Taller and rangier, maybe more like a Doberman under the hair.

Hu
 
:rofl: :rofl:
“If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull****” - W.C. Fields

I didn't know the pineapple juice guy said that. He had some great ones.

For you youngsters who didn't understand what I wrote above: Alcohol was not allowed on the movie sets. WC Fields was such a high box office income comedian that he was allowed to bring his thermos of pineapple juice to the set.

Enjoy,
JimB
 
another bit of truthful humor sorta was at the restaurant this am with daughter, and half of it was closed off, the mens bathroom had a major malfunction, a elderly man in his lat 70's set down to do his duties and to stool disintegrated into shrapnel, minor cuts and abrasions and alot of embarrassment but a very big let down..:) anyone have any idea as to what would cause a commercial stool to disintegrate like that
 
Excellent joke Jim, i will save that too. :thumb: Think i will take it to the next Lions meeting. I probably will have to print it though, even if i practiced it a dozen times i would blow it in the final go without a piece of paper. Aint ever been able to retain or tell jokes. Something wrong with the gearbox. :rofl:
 
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