Sorry, Brian...I couldn't resist. I've seen a few articles online about distressed painting, but can't recall where I've seen them. Google had several promising hits on "distressed paint". I'm sure others here will be of more help.
Hi Brian,
Found this for you..........and your distressed wife ... Googled Faux painting distressed http://www.paintquality.com/diy/content/design_6.htm#distressing
There is alot out there. Good luck and here is hoping for results with the paint therapy.
Shaz