Having a very tough day...

John Pollman

Member
Messages
1,332
Location
Rochester Hills, MI
I'm exhausted because I spent all day working on the display that I'm making for my son's memorial skateboard that all of his friends signed and wrote messages on at his service. I also worked on straightening up the garage. Late this afternoon, my next door neighbor came over and asked if I'd be able to pick up and apply the weed and feed to our yards soon. I said sure. I've been doing it every spring for years. Shortly after he left, I had a VERY difficult thought that I can't get rid of.

The day before Johnny died, the last time we talked was as he was leaving for his class to take a final exam. I asked him if he'd hang the fertilizer spreader from the hook in the ceiling of the garage. It's too heavy for me to lift up and do it. He said sure, and proceeded to hang it up. I wished him luck on his exam and he left. Little did I know that this would be the last thing he would do for me, and those were the last words we would ever say to each other.

I know that I can't leave the spreader hanging there forever, but it is going to be VERY difficult for me to take it down or ever use it again.
 
Tomorrow is another day, John, and I bet Johnny would want you to carry on. I'm not walking in your shoes, but if it were me, the spreader would be a treasured connection to the memory of my son.

When my eighteen year old grandson passed away last year, the last thing we did together was to work on a patio project. He spent the afternoon cutting and polishing granite and any other kind of stone he could find....big grin on his face because he had no idea what a diamond saw could do. That diamond saw and those granite squares are my last connection to him and I will keep them near and dear to remind me of that big grin.

Stay strong...and get that neighbor to help you get the spreader down.
 
Hugs, love and understanding from me to you.

It's been just over a year since we lost my wife suddenly and the list of 'firsts' that have been accomplished are bittersweet to say the least. First day of school for our toddler, first year anniversary of being in our dream home, first Mother's day as well as the rest of the holidays without her, the list goes on.

Long story short, everyone grieves in different ways but the analogy that it is like waves of an ocean is all too true. I know your son, like my wife, would want us to push on and to remember the happy times we had together with them. Some days are easier than others and as you point out, some tasks are very emotional.

God bless my friend.
 
I can only echo what the others have said, John. It never gets easy, but hopefully it WILL get easier. Sending my best wishes your way.

I've been in a pretty reflective mood myself today (Monday). I got the call at 3:00 Monday morning that my brother-in-law's little brother (a good friend of mine since we were teens) had lost his battle with cancer. It wasn't really a surprise, but it still left a mark on my heart.
 
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