For who is helping you out and what you're leaving behind

As I posted over in the Friday thread, my FIL went to the ER Thursday night. When we got there the head doctor came out to let us know his blood pressure was dropping drastically and there wasn't going to be much they could do to save him if it didn't stabilize. That moment our hearts sunk and my MIL broke down. As the night went on, he improved, and they dialed in on the problem. The realization that we know nothing about their health, financial stance, or their wishes became apparent. My MIL is showing signs of early memory loss, she couldn't remember his wishes they talked about, if he had allergies, what medications he was taking. They found he was suffering from septic shock (blood infection), brought on from a pneumonia. He has made a dramatic turn-around, all vitals are back to normal before we came home tonight and my BIL just texted that they removed his ventilator. He should be moved out of the ICU on Monday.

So, now that I've bummed you all out, I've been doing some list making. I had started the second list a year or so back out of some lessons from Dave Ramsey and have been checking things off and some of it may be specific to Missouri, the first part came out of this weekend's activities.

I figured I'd post it here to get the collective input from all of you for anything I may be overlooking, I'd appreciate any input you all may have.

For on-going care giving and staying in the loop:

• Keep current prescription list and supplements being taken
• List of doctors for each parent
• List of recent medical appointments, any upcoming
• Keep medical record copies, scan and keep in shared location (google docs maybe)
• Copies of life directives, wishes.
• List of Allergies?
• Medical Insurance details
• Life insurance beneficiary info recorded?

For taking care of things when there is no one to ask:

• Legacy Letters - Letters to kids/grandkids
• Birth Certificates, Social Security Cards, Marriage Certificate and Passports
• Insurance Information (auto, homeowner’s, renter’s, health, long-term care, identity theft protection and life insurance)
• Estate Plan
• Power of Attorney Forms
• Living Will
• Wills and Funeral Instructions
• Financial Accounts Log
• Assets
• Debts
• Mortgage
• List of Life Insurance Benefits
• Accounts that have Beneficiaries
• Trust assets
• Bill Listing
• Subscriptions
• Safe Deposit Box Details
• Monthly Budget
• Tax Returns
• Money Market and Mutual Fund Statements
• College Funds
• Bank and Savings Accounts
• Other Financial Accounts
• Paypal
• Rental Property Summary
• Car Titles
• Home Ownership Records
• Passwords and Combinations
• Firearms - In Missouri, there is no firearm registry and therefore legal to will the firearm to any individual that normally could legally own a firearm.

Notes/Links:

• Beneficiary Deeds in MO: http://info.legalzoom.com/prepare-own-beneficiary-deed-missouri-20710.html

Probate assets are any assets that are owned solely by the decedent. This can include the following:

• Real property that is titled solely in the decedent's name or held as a tenant in common
• Personal property, such as jewelry, furniture, and automobiles
• Bank accounts that are solely in the decedent's name
• An interest in a partnership, corporation, or limited liability company
• Any life insurance policy or brokerage account that lists either the decedent or the estate as the beneficiary

Non-probate assets can include the following:

• Property that is held in joint tenancy or as tenants by the entirety
• Bank or brokerage accounts held in joint tenancy or with payable on death (POD) or transfer on death (TOD) beneficiaries
• Property held in a trust
• Life insurance or brokerage accounts that list someone other than the decedent as the beneficiary
• Retirement accounts

The probate process includes filing a will and appointing an executor or administrator, collecting assets, paying bills, filing taxes, distributing property to heirs, and filing a final account. This can be a costly and time-consuming process, which is why some people try to avoid probate by having only non-probate assets.

Prudent advice, Darren.

Years before either of m parents passed away, they assembled document packs for my sisters and me that contained most of the info you listed. As years went on, my mom would occasionally send us updates or addenda. Not too long after my mom passed away, my dad set up a trust, with the primary purpose of avoiding probate. I was living out of town at the time, but one of my sisters was involved in that whole process, so she was familiar with it. (Of course, my other sister and I were given copies of all the trust documents, but the sister who was more involved was more familiar with them than the other two of us. She was also named the executor.) One of the key points regarding his assets was that were were instructed to meet with his financial adviser, his CPA, and his attorney in the event of his death. Each of those three would know the current state of his financial assets. (He was by no means wealthy, but he did have some retirement accounts and he owned his condo outright.) When my dad passed away, his affairs were in good order and the three of us were able to close out his estate with relatively little hassle. My dad had also made his wishes clear as to what should happen with his personal property, and unlike many families, there was no contention among us about who would get what.

Keep in mind this is a two way street. When your parents are gone, what happens to your left behind mess. Not having heirs does not make things easier. In fact, maybe harder as you need to find an executor. I had a trust done this past year and I am fortunate to have two people who are able and willing. The challenge now is to keep the trust current.

That said, Darren brought up very good points, especially for items not in your trust.

Time for me to check pff some of those list items with the intent to make things as easy as possible for my executor(s).

For some weird reason, I have most of that already done. Just in case as the old saying goes. Some of it doesn't apply to me particularly, but it is a good set of lists. Thanks, Darren.

Sharon and I went and created a trust a couple years ago. Now that Sharon has a little more free time, she's going through and making sure that we are getting it fully funded, i.e. all of our assets moved into it.

We've also gone ahead and done a little work on the health directives side as part of that.

Like Carol, we have no 'built in' beneficiaries, but are lucky to have a close friend that agreed to be our executor in case something happens.

Looking at Darren's list, there is certainly a lot more we need to think about and take care of. I'm going to print out this list and go over what else we might need to do.

I fully expect when we are gone that an auction house will be engaged to just do an estate sale and get rid of everything we've managed to 'collect' over the years. Probably not much in the way of true valuables, and certainly nothing any family members would want. Well, except the jukebox. That thing is sweet.

Darren,
Thanks for the reminder. We keep thinking we are not old enough to be thinking about that 'stuff', but truth is it's past time.

For sure Ted, as most of you know my wife had a brain hemorrhage and died suddenly about 2 years ago at the ripe old age of 38. We were always going to do these things, put stuff in order, and write down our wishes. Luckily we'd talked about such things in general and her family was very understanding as I had to make the decision to take her off of life support. I have the paperwork to create the trust but have been putting it off.... thanks for the renewed reminder to get that done for my kids and grand-kids! It's NEVER too early to start some of these basic records so that should the unexpected happen you will not be leaving a loved one guessing as to how best take care of your wishes let alone your possessions.

Just a word of warning. Don’t ever look at appointing your bank or any bank as executor of your estate.
I have had personal experience at dealing with this with two parents and oh man banks just don’t care they not human. So rather find someone that would see to your will being executed properly.


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Very good point Rob. Many trust attorneys will let you name as many successor trustees as you wish and then for a failsafe you can list their firm as the last option.

Rob Keeble said:

Just a word of warning. Don’t ever look at appointing your bank or any bank as executor of your estate. ...

Click to expand...

Perhaps that situation differs in some areas. Last year, Bobbie and I had a local law firm with a great reputation update our wills to ensure everything met Georgia law. We had already defined a primary administrator which, under Georgia law, must be a resident of Georgia. We also designated a backup in case the first person was unable to serve. It is very normal in our area to have a bank designated as administrator in the event none of the others are able.

One thing we learned from the will process is how to save the administrator a tax hit: designate them as an heir. If they are to get 10% as administrator it is taxed as income. If their payment is 10% as an heir, it will be tax free.

I have been executor for three estates. The first was my son. Because his assets were not large I was able to liquidate everything without aid of a lawyer or going to court. It was still a tedious and emotional project. My mother had a trust that specified what should be done. Because there was household, I had to liquidate everything and split with my sister. The third, I am still working on more than a year and a half later. It was a friend who was secretary/treasurer for a couple organizations I belong to. His record keeping was meticulous. I assumed his personal life was the same. Wrong. His records and household were a total mess. He had not thrown away a scrap of paper since before 1960. Since there was no inventory of contents and I was required to provide one to the court, I photographed everything. That made the lawyer unhappy but he had to accept it when I told him I refused to do an actual physical listing that would require weeks of my time. I had to examine tens of thousands of documents to see if they possible led to some assets, like stock or insurance. I did find some totaling quite a bit of money. One day the lawyer wanted to examine the house. While there I showed him a big stack of documents I still needed to research. He told me to give them to him as his secretary did that sort of thing all the time, was very good at it and very fast. I gave him a big tote filled with those documents. We finally got through probate, I liquidated everything and distributed the funds per the will. Fast forward about eight months. I got sick, was hospitalized, had major surgery, was recovering at home slowly. Went to the lawyers office for another piece of business not related to my friends estate. On the way out I was handed the tote full of documents. It had not been touched. I still have it collecting dust. I know researching will require many hours,, mostly on the computer tracking down old stock certificates, etc. And, since the trust account has been closed and probate closed, I'm not sure how to handle any money I might find. I have an idea but will make final decision when/if I complete this. I do know, I'll probably never take a settlement responsibility again. I might only if it is a large estate and I get, at least, 20% of the assest. And, I'll let a lawyer and accountant handle everything.

Darren lot of good info. There are saints that watch over our parents. My sister and brother-in-law have my mom and dad 24/7 both of them have Alzheimer's mom 83 dad 87. Mom spent last weekend emergency room she had blockage in the liver dad just keeps asking where his mom. I could not handle my sister's a saint God bless them.

All those things listed are very importand but unless I overlooked them it is also very important to know where all the documents and important things like jewelry are kept.

The granmother of a friend of mine kept her jewels wraped in newspaper sheets. When she died, in urge of getting rid of the unvaluable stuff they threw them away thinking that in her last days the woman was so out of her mind that kept balls of crunched newspaper sheet in her drawers.

Thanks for the insight and feedback all. We did meet with my in-laws yesterday and both were very receptive and were able to accomplish and verify many things on the list. Next steps are already in progress with setting up a meeting with a lawyer. My wife and I are also working on the list for ourselves and have paperwork from the lawyer to get filled out.

Just revisiting this thread since I'm finding/learning of a few additional things to add/update on the list.

I'm sure it will vary by state, but finding there are several variations of power of attorney to consider. I think in our case a General POA for having access to pay bills for a parent and make some financial decisions when they are unable to do so. The other and equally important one is a Medical POA, or sometimes called an Advanced Directive. It's one thing when both parents are alive and the one can make decisions for the other. Both can be made "durable" where one has to be declared incompetent or incapacitated in order to go into effect, but most importantly, is to assign someone you trust in the first place.

I missed this when it was originally posted....and would never think to look for such recommendations on a woodworking forum. Thanks for pulling it back up! In my case our parents are gone, but I need to do a few more things for us so the kids will have it on hand.

If a person reads this and thinks it's stupid not to have all this in place, they have no idea how wrong they are. This is all good advice.

We have lost 3 close family members over the Christmas holiday. One had this stuff figured out, one was close and one had nothing.

another thing to have readily available is there wishes on a dnr clause. my dad had one but we couldnt find it in time so had to deal with that at home and got it stopped when we found it in the trust note book. now a copy is placed on a door jamb.

Yes, we have mom's (had dad's) on their bedroom door with a magnet. In the event EMT's were called and we weren't there. Posted boldly, do not resuscitate.

question does the power of attorney need to be official as in registered in court or sealed by a notary, special form or just verbiage in a trust document. some one mentioned quick claim deeds are suggested as well