Funeral Service Question.

Dave Richards

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SE Minnesota
Odd topic for a woodworking forum but then again so are moose.

Friday we buried my grandmother. (It's alright, she was a million years old (OK, 96 ;)) and had a good life. She was ready when the time came.)

It was the most unusal funeral I've ever been to but I'm not that experienced in the way fo funerals. I thought I'd ask to see if others have run across what I experienced and see if anyone knows the reason for it.

After lunch at the church, the funeral director (FD) had us "process" to the funeral home behind him. The trip was down the alley, left to the end of the block, a slight jog to the right, then left and into the driveway at the funeral home where we parked. I could have pushed the car with everyone in it that far.

The family was lead into the funeral home and into a room with a few rows of chairs facing a curtain. After we sat there looking at this curtain for about 15 minutes, the lights were turned down. At this point Ian, my 3-1/2 year old son asked, "Are we going to watch a moo-vie?" :rofl: The FD came in and opened the curtain revealing another sheer curtain. On the other side of that curtain was a room with chairs lined up facing toward the right. In them were seated a number of folks. If you leaned forward and looked to the right you could see the casket and the minister. The latter spoke about my grandmother's life and did all those sorts of things that ministers do at funerals including mispronouncing many of the names of the relatives granny left behind.

After the minister was finished the FD opened a side door in the room where the casket was and the folks sitting in that room filed past the casket and out the door. We sat there listening to Amazing Grace skipping on the CD player until everyone but family was out the door. Thenb the FD came and opened the sheer curtain a little and we filed out, past the casket, shook the minister's hand and then out the door into the sunshine and southern Iowa September heat.

So is this thing of having the family viewing the funeral from a distance as it were a common thing? If I hadn't been family and just showed up for the funeral, I'd have thought the family had skipped the funeral altogether. Any idea where this sort of funeral service comes from? Is it from some specific tradition? I was thinking I'd try to look it up on the Internet but I don't even know how to search for something like that.
 
I've not seen that particular practice, but I've seen funeral chapels with a wing off to the side for the family.

I would suspect the whole sheer curtain thing is to give the grieving family a bit of privacy from the rest of the attendees. :dunno:
 
Dave,

I'll ask Doorlink in the morning... she's experienced in these matters.

My own grandmother moved on at 98, and that seemed way too soon. I'm sorry for your loss.

Peace,

Bill
 
It is fairly common with funeral homes in this area to seat the family in a curtained area as you have described. However most funerals here (in central Arkansas anyway) are in churches. There the family walks in together as all others stand in silence to show respect. The family always sits at the front of the church.
 
Sounds odd to me Dave, but I'll not go into ODD in the way of funerals here in Japan, they TOP odd for a 1st world nation, IMHO.

Sorry to hear of your Granny passing, 96, not bad at all! :wave:
 
Dave, I've unfortunately been to a LOT of funerals over the years, all in churches many years ago, but more and more have been in the Funeral Home Chapels in recent years. When in churches, the Family always come in last and are seated in front, AND the Non Family ALWAYS view the body First. After the non family have left the building the doors are closed to give the Family privacy to say their last goodbyes.

Almost ALL of the Funeral Home Chapels I have been in, have a room off to the right side of the main chapel as you described, to give the family privacy during the service, and they are brought in as a group just before the service starts. The non Family, as in churches, view the body first and leave the building, and the doors are closed and then the family views the body in private. I, have not seen anyplace with either of the curtains you described though. I guess that is just a new feature in Funeral Home Design.
 
sorry to hear about your grandma dave.
i`ve been to several funerals but none done as you discribe? i think most of the time the family members who are dealing with the funeral director or clergy have a say-so as to how the processes is carried out. i know i was involved in my fathers and the church was very accomodating to the families wishes.
 
Tod, you are correct about the family having the say-so about how the funeral service is conducted. A lot of times they either don't know that, or they are grieving too much to want to think about it.
 
Hi Dave,

That is a common, very old fashioned MidWest funeral home arrangement. More modern funeral service practices do not separate the family from non-family, usually reserving front rows for family members.

A very kind, loving practice the we clergy would like to get people to do is plan their own service with help from clergy and even the funeral director well before the need. Copies of your wishes can be left with your church and certainly loved ones. This relieves decisions being made by grieving family members and even aids in the grieving process. Then family members and friends remark, "Oh, how grandma would have loved that. That was always her favorite hymn, verse, flowers, etc."

Your grandma lived a long time and was ready to go. There is nothing more comforting to know than that. My prayers go with you and your family.
 
That is a common, very old fashioned MidWest funeral home arrangement. More modern funeral service practices do not separate the family from non-family, usually reserving front rows for family members.

I was wondering. Never heard of that before.

Around here, with folks in my denomination, the funeral home is for visiting, and the actual funeral service is held at a church. And there is a graveside/internment service also, often just for close family.
 
Dave, sorry to hear of your Grandmother's passing. I have never heard of this practice before, seems a little strange but if this were a different circumstance, like a death from a wreck of a person from an early age, where the grieving hadn't already started, then maybe could appreciate not being in front of the crowd. When my Grandmother died, the older grandsons were pall bearers, I told the group, I am sitting in the back, not being on display for all to watch me cry, so all of us sat in the back row. FD still comments on that and that he has offered and many have taken up that practice now.
 
What you describe is very common. The sheer curtain is a bit of a variation. I would guess to shield the grieving family from the visitors. Many times, the family will sit in front with visitors behind them. To my way of thinking, that is the way it should be, and has been, with our family. But, the side room thing is very common.
What strikes me as unusual is the lunch was held first, then the service. Food is part of the funeral 'experience' but is always (from what I've seen) after the service and burial.
What the family wants should be planned in advance.
 
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