Mark Kosmowski
Member
- Messages
- 1,456
- Location
- Central (upstate) NY
I heard a news story about the wars today and it gave me kind of a strange feeling that I get now and again lately. You see, back in 1999 I had attempted to enlist in the (Army) National Guard but failed MEPS (the physical, essentially) due to my left ear not hearing good and me floundering in general on hearing tests - I get all nervous and anxious and start having beep and bip auditory hallucinations and press the finish off the button. (Give me an academic knowledge test and I'm good to go - go figure, huh?) I would have gone into a combat arms position and given my geographic location likely would have been somehow associated with the 10th Mtn Div (I think - I'm not exactly sure how the whole Federalization thing works) and thus likely have been sent overseas at least for one tour.
Anyhow, sometimes hearing about the war and thinking about other people getting shot and killed and mangled with me still here at home after trying to have enlisted makes me feel somehow strange. Partly because the little bit of ROTC I took in college was the single most important thing contributing to me having my stuff as together as it is now and partly because sometimes I feel somehow ... I don't know how else to say it, but more expendable than many others.
It's not a strong feeling of strangeness and I can't even place a finger on what kind of feeling it is - kind of like a sense of loss about not fulfilling a duty or something. Intellectually I understand that it's the Army's loss by not taking me in the first place, that being shot at, killed and mangled probably really isn't a situation to aspire to and that in the end, I did make the effort to enlist - therefore whatever duty I have should be considered discharged when the Army said no.
Like I said, it's a strange feeling.
Anyhow, sometimes hearing about the war and thinking about other people getting shot and killed and mangled with me still here at home after trying to have enlisted makes me feel somehow strange. Partly because the little bit of ROTC I took in college was the single most important thing contributing to me having my stuff as together as it is now and partly because sometimes I feel somehow ... I don't know how else to say it, but more expendable than many others.
It's not a strong feeling of strangeness and I can't even place a finger on what kind of feeling it is - kind of like a sense of loss about not fulfilling a duty or something. Intellectually I understand that it's the Army's loss by not taking me in the first place, that being shot at, killed and mangled probably really isn't a situation to aspire to and that in the end, I did make the effort to enlist - therefore whatever duty I have should be considered discharged when the Army said no.
Like I said, it's a strange feeling.