Can I ask a question about family?

allen levine

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How do you deal with family or close friends that "expect" you to build them something?

I believe I'm going to be losing some friends.

(they offer to pay for all materials, so that justifies it in their mind. Afterall, its a hobby, I'm not a professional. People are weird.)
 
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This may sound "hard", but a long time ago I learned to say "no". I say it politely but firmly, and if they insist, I explain that my spare time is my own, and if they expect me to work for them during my spare time, then it's going to be expensive for them. The only exceptions to this system of mine is if I am dealing with someone whom I can trade favours with. Barter works for me. I've found that a firm but polite answer not only gets the desired effect, but also only loses friends who aren't really friends....real friends would understand and not insist.

chers
 
I only had one situation like that. I ignored their comment about paying for material. The conversation went something like the following:

Me: "I'll be happy to build that display case for you but you can buy an equivalent case at a store for much less than I'd have to charge you. The most expensive furniture is custom furniture because of all the labor that goes into it. But if that's what you really want, I'll work up a price for you."

Them: "Let me check the prices at the stores first."

Of course, they never mentioned it again.

Mike
 
Just tell them that you'll do it when you get around to it. You have a bunch of others projects in the works. Or tell them "I'd love to but honestly I really don't get into the shop as regularly as I would like and I may start it and never finish it."
 
How do you people deal with family or close friends that "expect" you to build them something?

I believe I'm going to be losing some friends.

(they offer to pay for all materials, so that justifies it in their mind. Afterall, its a hobby, I'm not a professional. People are weird.)

Just tell them that you'll do it when you get around to it. You have a bunch of others projects in the works. Or tell them "I'd love to but honestly I really don't get into the shop as regularly as I would like and I may start it and never finish it."
Allen,

Everyone I know that would want me to build something for them also knows how busy I am. I simply smile and say, "sure, I think I can get to that in the spring or summer of 2010." That's always either too late, or forgotten about in short order.:D
 
How do you people deal with family or close friends that "expect" you to build them something?

Hasn't happened yet.

I tend to head that sort of thing off very early in my relationships. When I get to know a person and we talk about hobbies, they eventually ask something like if I build for money or for friends... I always laugh and say that I don't have enough time to build the things I want to for my own family, let alone for others. That always seems to stop that sort of inquiry before it even gets started. Everyone I know understands that I just don't go there.

But I like Rennie's comments also.

...art
 
Immediate family I say yes. Especially my parents. But they pay for all materials, including any incidentals like finishes and sandpaper which we just kind of work out--i.e. I buy two things and they pay for one or I keep any leftovers. Even then the cost of materials is sometimes shocking to them.

Friends usually aren't serious and my wife helps with that by pointing out what the materials for some of my projects have cost.

I did recently get contacted by a former co-worker to do a project for my former employer. I'm going to quote them full cost of materials plus $50/hour for the time I think it will take to do the project including buying materials and delivery. I think they are going to be quite suprised at the cost, but if they are I'm going to refer them to two local businesses that could do it as well and I think their quotes will be just as high if not higher.
 
Like Rennie, I usually say I'll put you on the list, but it's a long ways out. Depending on who it is, if it's someone that needs some mentoring I'll work with them on the project
 
2 years ago, I put together a chair.
I really loved doing it.
And to be honest, it was a great ego(as far as woodworking goes) boost when Id build one for someone and theyd fawn all over it like theyve never seen an adirondack chair.
I was never sure if it was sincerity, or just showing thanks for the chair.

I never really gave it much thought, Id just keep cutting and building.

Then I got asked to build a coffee table, a little side table, a makeup vanity, blanket chest, and a few other things,and as amateurish as they were, they are all still in use, and appreciated, or so I think.
And there was nothing I enjoyed more than making something with my own hands for someone, something Ive never done or even attempted.

And now, I find myself avoiding pesty people who say things like, Id rather see you have the money than give it to them(meaning some low end furniture place, Im not talking custom built quality furniture, keeping it real)
I try to explain that although I have alot of free time(they know I do), Im trying to keep my time open for things I finally feel I could learn now, and would like to try. afterall I tell them, Im not getting younger or healthier.
Then the next remark, is but you can probably make this in no time, and Ill pay you for youre time as well, I dont expect anything for free.

So I ask them how much they make an hour, if thats ok for me to charge them the same for every hour I put in on their project, reminding them that a simple table with 4 legs could take me 30 or 40 hours easily. Maybe and probably more.

Im not sure if thats an obnoxious answer , but it seems to get a little steam out of them, and the subject gets dropped.

Twice, in the last month.

Mr Bartley: Bartering would be great, but the ones that ask, really dont have anything Id be interested in.
 
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Fortunately I have not had that specific problem. My gratitude to the forum for helping me prepare for that eventuality in advance ;-)
 
I just pretty much don't have any friends, and all my family is 800 miles away. Problem solved. :p

I've made a few small things like paper towel holders and cutting boards for strangers who found me on my website, and in several of the cases I quoted too low of a price for the piece, and ended up doing it for not much more than the cost of materials. I have nobody to blame but myself for those instances. Nowadays if someone approaches me for a flatwork project that I'm not interested in, I tell them that I'm primarily doing turned projects, and don't think I'd have the time to take on whatever it is they want made.
 
Simple, if it is for a friend, or family I do it for free, everyone else pays top dollar, and that usually ends the request.

I must also say that the list of friends and family I have that I'd make something for free, it really short, most of my family is in Canada, and my "friends" (NOT acquaintances) are really few and far between.

I have a good friend, his wife is Japanese like my wife, this friend and I are closer than I am with my own brother, for him, or his wife, I'll make whatever they want, with pride, and I'll not charge them a thin dime, but I know that he will repay me in other ways, and as we are friends, we don't keep score.

Most people know I'm a busy guy, that helps a lot too.

:wave:
 
costs???

allen the last cedar chest i made was for a friend that helped me on the shop build, i got paind for it but not furnture price, and didnt make any money just recouped some of the material cost.. and when i got the lookin his wifes eyesa dnthe compliments afterwards i got paid in full, kinda like stus example.. therst of the htings i have cobbled together are for family. and were gifts. i done one job for my youngest daughter a set of built in cabinets for the bedroom and a stairway encloser book shelf combo.. got paid for the materials and the labor was free.. she insisted that it be that way.. so like the other have said,, we do what we do becasue we like it and not for prosperity.. i know of few that do that for a living and its turns into work and the fun can leave.. when the fun leaves, its gone for me. :)
 
Its not that I dont want to, its just well, it aint an adirondack chair they want.
Time consuming projects that I dont want to do or really enjoy doing,it defeats the purpose of me having a hobby.
I never took on woodworking as something Im going to subsidize my income with.

Seems memories run short, people tend to remember only what is to their advantage.

Im actually looking foward to some clean up time.
I want to sort through the mess, get the ipe dust out of everything I own.
Its cool outside now, so I can do some of the more strenous nonsense that Ive left all summer.
Like I said, I do believe Im going to have a couple of people ticked off at me

Time to do the cleanup and start ripping down wall paper and doing some deconstruction in my old house.
 
Im actually looking foward to some clean up time.
I want to sort through the mess, get the ipe dust out of everything I own.
Allen,

I just completed a full shop clean-up. On Saturday we had a storm come through with winds about 20 mph. It afforded me the opportunity to open the doors at each end of the shop and employ my favorite shop cleaning tool


My leaf blower!:D
 
So I ask them how much they make an hour, if thats ok for me to charge them the same for every hour I put in on their project, reminding them that a simple table with 4 legs could take me 30 or 40 hours easily. Maybe and probably more.

(...) it seems to get a little steam out of them, (...)

Um, yeah. There must be a better way! ;)

Me, I've got a project list a mile long. Seriously, it stretches for years, as far as the eye can see. And that doesn't count all the little things I make for presents to give away to people that aren't on any list. On the other hand, if someone said 'I'll bring you some [insert favorite very expensive wood here]' and 'here are some project plans with some really cool joinery you've never thought of trying before,' I might be tempted. Failing that, I have not a single moment for at least the next three years. Then I don't have to high-ball time estimates or ask them anything personal. ;)

"Here's some nice bubinga.
I bought way more than these here plans say you need.
And look at this cool japanese joint!
Bet you've never tried anything like that!"


Who could resist that? Make a sign, put it up in your shop, point them at that. They'll all say "OK, I'll find you some". And you'll never hear another word about it.

Just a thought... ;)

Thanks,

Bill
 
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I really dont think IM the only person dealing with this issue.

Again, Ive been approached, by a very close family friend who doesnt understand my reluctance to build her something.

I try to explain I have 8 projects Im trying to finish up in the next year or so, want to do a ton of work around the house, and shes making it a delicate issue, almost using it as a wedge in my relationship with someone in my own family.

Im beginning to dislike this person for not letting this nonsense go.
(Making it seem like I show favoritism, since Ive built for others close to me)

I also explained to her if I was a professional, she'd never approach me because it would be an insult to expect a favor.

I also explained its my hobby, and I want to do what interests me, what challenges me, what drives me, not something because someone wants it.

Its a cruddy deal, and Im a bit suprised how personal some people take this.
 
When I built the golf club table I was asked by several of the customer's friends, not mine, to make one for them. The $950 price tag put a stop to it. One of the people I used to work with would start a conversation with "wouldn't it be fun to build" blah blah blah. I finally told him that he had to put in equal time ridding my yard of Anoka county flowers(sandburrs) Never did do anything for him. It has to be a special person or a really interesting project for me to take on anything. Immediate family don't include in-laws.
 
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